Tuesday, June 26, 2012
My life is overwhelming. I thought it was rough before, but now it's the worst. My honey and I are arguing and discussing what we really want anymore. It doesn't seem like we want the same thing. We've been married 25 years, dated for over 30 years, and now that we are "empty nesters", we have troubles? Who would have known? Not me! It could just be the stress of son trying to "find himself", dad in limbo between skilled nursing care and assisted living, mom in nursing home with MS, husband not feeling good and not wanting to do anything with me anymore. I want to work out and eat clean. He wants to sit on the couch and have a drink every night. He now has high blood pressure, gained a few pounds around the belly and is tired all the time. Hello!?!?! You need to exercise with me. It will make you feel better. It's not what he eats that makes him gain weight either. It's the alcohol and sugar. If he'd just quit or cut back, the belly would just fall off him. (It kind of appeared out of nowhere. He's always been "thin". Maybe it's the upper 40 thing. Anyway, it's happened.)
I keep telling myself to let it all go. Stop worrying about everyone else. They are all adults and can make their own decisions. I have always tried to help everyone else and put them first. Right now all I want to do is run away. Run like Forrest Gump. Run long and far and don't look back.
I'll get through this. Life will turn around -- one way or the other. All the other stuff going on my life I can deal with, but when my honey and I are having troubles, it scares me. We always do everything together. We appear to everyone else to have the "perfect" marriage. If we start drifting apart, I don't know what I'll do. He has been my rock through all of life's trials and tribulations. I need him. I love him. I told him that this morning, but he didn't say much. He's not talking to me. At least I let him know how I feel. I'm worried about his health and us not living out our "good years" together. I need to stop thinking so hard.
Life is just that...life. Ups and downs. Good and bad. It's just down and bad right now. I'm hoping he comes around and sees how much I love him. All the other "stuff" will just have to take care of itself. I'm not going to worry about anything else but my marriage right now. It's top priority. Well, that and my workouts. They are what keep me sane!!!
Tuesday, June 05, 2012
I have started Body Revolution over...again. June is a new month. I'm hoping the stress level will be down a notch or two. We have our cruise the first week of October. I am hoping to finish Body Revolution by Labor Day and be down inches and 25 lbs. It's only 2 lbs. a week and completely doable. Especially if I keep to the Paleo lifestyle! In the past, I looked pretty darned fit at 135 lbs, so it's my goal. Plus, I'll be turning 47 on the last day of the cruise. What a present to myself! I even thought about trying Insanity after Body Revolution. Who would have thought???
On the homefront, mom's fractured shoulder isn't healing. It's been five weeks and she is still in a lot of pain, has headaches and upset stomach most days. She is such a trooper and hardly complains. God love her! Dad has been in the nursing home now 10 days. He's worse than he was before he went into the hospital. I'm not so sure he'll come out of it this time. We have a care assessment meeting this afternoon and will discuss a plan. Our ultimate goal is to get him independent again. If that doesn't happen, at least to assisted living. If that doesn't happen, it will be the health care unit like mom. Not good. I can't believe I have two parents in their mid-60s in a nursing facility. Mom because of MS and dad because of liver disease. At least I know they are both in good hands and safe.
I'm going to have a great week! Jillian and the incline trainer in the mornings, walking three miles at lunch, and Body Revolution at night. No sugar, no flour, no dairy and no legumes. I CAN DO IT!!!!
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