Sunday, September 19, 2010
It reminds me of the song with the lyrics, "I can see clearly now, the rain is gone . . . I can see all obstacles in my way . . . gone are the dark clouds that had me blind, gonna be a bright, bright sunshiney day."
Well, I hope so anyway1 The upset feelings I have with my son are slil there for sure, but trying to replace them with GOOD thoughts as much as possible. Have a LONG way to go, but feel like today is better than yesterday, I know tomorrow will be better and keep telling the Storm how big my God is!
Saturday, September 18, 2010
I am emotionally exhausted from dealing with my DS. But I think DH and I have things in order now so we're safe. It is so difficult. But have to maintain our tough love stance. No other way.
On the positive note, I certainly have seen how my exercise, proper diet and just in general, self-discipline have helped me weather this storm . . . well, prayers too.
Fortunately DH and I have lots to do today so we can just kind of "forget" about everything for awhile.
Hope everyone is having a good day.
Friday, September 17, 2010
I am so exhausted from our son's behavior. I just can't seem to see the light at the end of the tunnel today. I KNOW I can't give him my power by letting it consume me, but I am just TIRED of it all.
I am still maintaining my weight, eating (as much as I can force myself to, because -- honestly -- I never thought I'd hear myself say I don't have an appetite, but I don't!!) nutritious foods (which I am doing) and still maintaining my exercise routine. That is about my only saving grace (well . . . besides prayers).
I just want off this darn roller coaster.
Thursday, September 16, 2010
The last few days -- since Tuesday -- have been just emotionally draining, physically sickening and just incomprehensible in dealing with my son. I cannot really go into details but at this point I seriously doubt we'll be seeing or hearing from him anytime soon, unfortunately. On the other hand, considering what he's done, I frankly welcome the break. Don't get me wrong, I love him with all my heart, but then that is what makes my heart hurt so much.
So, I have really had to focus on taking care of myself, DH and my DD through all of this and have found much strength in my faith. It is truely one of those times that He is carrying me.
So, today is a new day, I am keeping up with what I have to do and keeping a smile on my face because that makes me feel better.
I have maintained my weight, kept up nutrition and exercise and have to pat myself on the back for that. The "old me" would have "fed my emotions" rather than dealing with them. I am learning how much better it feels to deal directly with feeling without using food. It is hard! But I am doing it.
Hope everyone is having a good day.
Monday, September 13, 2010
Hubby and I had such a peaceful weekend. DD worked and had a sleepover on Saturday, so we had all day Saturday and yesterday to ourselves. I made nice dinners and we even watched a favorite movie . . . Casa Blanca . . . on Saturday evening.
DD worked hard but had a good time , so she had a good weekend as well. She was pretty pooped last night, which was not too surprising!
Wellll, all the peace and tranquility came to a screeching halt this morning. I had spoken with DS yesterday and he was tired, but said he was doing alright. We had a short conversation and that was that. This morning I got 3 e-mails from him. The last one was what has me upset. Apparently he got his provisional drivers license (that is a good thing . . . he flunked the first time around because he didn't bother to study the Rules of the Road manual!) Then he says he found a car (don't know when) and he made a bid on it. The cost . . . $4900.00 for a 2005 Ion with 85,000 miles on it. He says, "I've been looking @ cars for quite some time now." Hmmm... not surprised. Says he had it checked out and it is mechanically sound. Ok, now can you guess the problem??? He doesn't have the $4900.00. He has about $1500.00 in his checking acct., Well, good luck with that one! He indicated that he has pd. his first months rent, utilities, etc. 'on time so far.' Well, BOOYA! That part is good. But that's 1 month . . . he has 11 more to go as he signed a year lease.
So, he says he has a couple of options:
1. Get a loan from the bank. Yeah, I'm sure that's going to happen . . . NOT. He's 18 and no real credit history! So, then the next problem is going to be having US co-sign on the loan, I'm sure. Well, that's not happening either as he CHOSE to leave home in a less-than-mature manner. His choice.
2. He said he would give us his check book and debit card if we'd loan his them money and he'd make monthly payments to us. NO! Both DH and I quickly said that he made the choice to leave and he is responsible to manage his money. We feel he is getting in over his head financially and are not going to enable him.
He hadn't even considered: title fees, insurance, maintenance, gas . . . the list goes on. To say nothing of where is the tuition for next semester going to come from? I think we all know the answer to that . . . he's going to drop out.
**SIGH** So, I am walking off my frustration. I know he is not going to be happy with our decision, but that's one of many life lessons he is going to have to learn. He didn't even mention ANY of this yesterday, and obviously, if he had a mechanic check it out, clearly he KNEW yesterday. The kicker is he indicated he NEEDS an answer by tomorrow (Tuesday). Oh really now! Hmmm...me thinks maybe one should have talked about it sooner then. UGH.
We are not going to co-sign or lend him the money. He has made the choices he wanted to and he has to learn to be responsible for them. So, we cannot bail him out. **SIGH**
That's been my morning. I am hoping that the afternoon is better!
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