Saturday, June 20, 2009
Hey Friends, I have heard from several of you who ALSO know Ms. Smarmy! That chick really gets around, doesn't she. I think she has cloned herself so she can sneak into any of our heads that she wants to. She and little Ms. Goody Twoshoes are sisters, you know. They have the same smugness, but there is a slight difference. Where Ms. Smarmy is always dressed to the nines, hair, nails, clothing and shoes just like she walked off Vogue Magazine, Ms. Goody Twoshoes is all gingham, huge blue eyes and curled blonde hair with ribbons in it, knee socks and white Mary Jane shoes, with her dainty little hands folded so neatly in her lap it makes you want to go over and slap her face off. She is the one who is always doing the perfect thing, subtlely letting everyone know that SHE is doing all the right things, while everyone around her are misbehaving and being very naughty. Well, I have news for HER! At least WE have some FUN! She reminds me of my cousin Diane. Diane has a sister, Janey, whom we would all love, but then there was Diane. Everytime they came to visit, we always had to play with Diane. She was a REAL Ms. Goody Twoshoes, let me tell you. Her pretty frock (she didn't wear dresses; HERS were "FROCKS") was all neatly pressed and perfectly fit, her blonde hair was done in long curls with ribbons to match the frock, and her white knee socks and white Mary Janes looked like they just came out of the box. And she always had this closed lip smile on her face. Like she was too good to come right out and say that she thought we were all inferiors and didn't know it. We lived in the country then, and had cows. I really hated playing with Diane, so one day came up with a grand plan to teach her a lesson, or perhaps, even better, to get her to stop coming over at all. I told her all about this beautiful place by the stream that had the most beautiful flowers growing by it you have ever seen. She was so taken with her own beauty she failed to see the devilish gleam in my eye. When I said the flowers would be really nice with her hair, her pride couldn't resist. Of course I would show her those flowers!! Yes, indeedy. So off we go, hand in hand, her with her halo and me with my horns. We get down to the stream, and sure enough, there were flowers. She started picking the flowers when I found what I had been looking for. Sure enough, she finally moved to the right area, right in front of a cow pie. Now how can she blame me when I "slipped", bumped in to her and she went flying butt down on that cowpie?? It was perfect. Horrified, she ran all the way back, screaming for her mother. I got over my laughter, then ran to catch up to her, yelling "Hey, Diane! Wait up!" I didn't catch her, but when I got back, I sure caught something else! Once her mother cleaned her up best as she could, in the car they went. Now my Dad was laughing so hard he had tears running down his face, and my Mom grabbed me and was spanking me, telling me how naughty I was. But by dinner time, even she was laughing. Diane never came to visit again. So THIS Ms. Goody Twoshoes better watch out! I don't have cows, but I still have those horns somewhere around. Today I did my weigh in and measurement thing. No weight lost, but no weight GAINED, either! Amazing after all those cookies and the apple pie with ice cream! I can only chalk it up to the exercise and workouts I did that I didn't gain at least 50 pounds of tonnage. I had quite a week. Lots of "acting out". There were minor changes in the measurements, but not enough to brag about. So anyway, I am on the site, and decide that I will read an article or two. I stumble upon this article that talks about how much I should weigh, and how to tell. It is several pages long, but oh, so worth reading!! It teaches about body types. DH is and Endomorph. He is tall, lanky, and can eat like a horse and not gain weight. I, on the other hand, am a Mesomorph. Short, stocky, strong. Endomorphs can actually burn calories sitting and watching TV! Mesos can look at food in a magazine and gain. Now I ask you. Is this FAIR?? I don't think so. I mean, it's like God likes HIM better than he likes ME. I have this God box, where I put all my questions that have no answers through this little slot in the top. Long ago, I painted the words "Answer me THIS one, God!" on the top of the box. Whenever I have a question that has no answer, like "why do kids get cancer while bad adults live forever", and "why can't I be as nice as my dog is?" I am sure you know those kinds of questions, and have some of your own. Well, anyway, now I have another. "Why did you make me a Mesomorph??" I actually put that in my God box. Now what are my plans for my box, you ask? Well, it's simple. The way I figure it, one of the following must be right. Group No. 1 is the Christians. The belief here is that we can either wind up in heaven or hell. Now, if they are right, then I don't think I have much to worry about, except that little episode with Diane. Group No. 2 are the Renicarnationists. You keep coming back until you get it right, or something like that. Well, not much to worry about there, either, cuz I will just keep spinning until I get it right. Group No. 3 are the Atheists, who believe in nothing. No problem there, because nothing feels nothing, does nothing, and doesn't even know or care about it. So! Looking over my lifetime, I can see where I have definitely made some major, much needed changes in myself. I am kinder now that I have ever been, and more in tune to other people's feelings and needs. Here is my plan for my box. When I get to the pearly gates, and St. Peter looks over the tablet and invites me in, I will hesitate and ask him to bring out God, because I have some questions for Him. St. Peter will be astounded, get God, and when He comes out, I will lift up my box to Him, and say "Answer me THIS one, God". Once I get all my answers, I will then tell Him how I feel about being a Mesomorph. If He can take it, I will go in. If He can't take it, then I will go looking for Diane and the cowpies.
Thursday, June 18, 2009
Yesterday was a whole lot of fun, and a whole lot of tiring. I taught a painting quilt class to absolutely terrificly talented students. See my new photos for the first part of a series for this class. The students were enthusiastic, imaginative and eager to learn something new. We all brought a whole bunch of leaves, ferns, and other growing things, and painted them. Now I have to tell you "the REST of the story!". I think I already confessed to you about buying those Costco cookies. In case I didn't, here it is. I wanted to get some cookies "for the students" of the class, so I get one of those boxes of 24 cookies baked at Costco. Hmm. Maybe, with 15 students, I should get TWO boxes. I get home and take one of them in to the house "to share with DH". We had some cookies that night, and the next day was the class. I pack a lunch of salad and watermelon while eating a banana, made my coffee and notice that I am doing all the right things. I get to the class, and hide the box of cookies from the other members of the quilt club so they can't have our class cookies. I sit with the students, we eat our lunches and then set up for the class. Not before I get our cookies out, and have a half one. We are all set up, I give the "how to" lecture, and release the students to their paints, leaves, ferns, and fabrics. Then I can't find my coffee cup. I look all over the place for it, getting louder and louder about not finding my cup. This goes on for about 1/2 hour, then I finally spy it under a table, right where I put it when we were covering the tables with newspaper. Ok. My feathers are all smoothed down again. I work through the students, giving encouragement and help where needed, then I spy those cookies sitting on the counter. I only had a half one; I wonder if the other half is there? No. Ok. So I will just break another one in half. The white chocolate madacamia one, like before. There is a good supply of cookies left, because the students are getting their hands all covered with paint and don't want to go wash it off just to have a cookie. What control!!! I keep up my teaching responsibilities, and have a wonderful time seeing what these ladies are turning out. Truly, they have no idea yet just how terrific their works of art are going to be when finished! I, having taught this class many times, do know what the results will be, and there is no expressing to the artists just how wonderful their piece will be. We meet again next week to begin doing the quilting, and that will really produce lots of ooooohs and aaaaahs from them, once they see it coming together. I can't wait to post the next session of photos on this site so you can all see them! All will be one of a kind masterpieces! As I look back today, I can see that I kept a pretty good watch over those cookies. The supply seemed to be holding up, and I am content with that. So content that whenever I see someone near them, I go break off another half of a cookie. I AM watching my fat intake, you know, so I only eat a half cookie at a time. Of course, I ignore those OTHER halves I have already had. By the time the class is over, and we get all cleaned up, the students are gone and it is time for me to get packed up. I load my stuff in the car, always remembering that I have to get the left over cookies to "take to Ted". When I am all lpacked up and ready to go, I go back inside, and can't find the cookies. I ask "Where are the rest of the cookies?" and one of the students says "They're all gone. I just ate the last half cookie that was left". I hide the feeling of being deprived. Home I go. I get in the house, and look for the other box of cookies. THERE it is!! I grab two more (whole) cookies and stuff them down. Then after eating chili, a half bagel and glass of milk for dinner (I AM watching my fat intake, remember?), enter my points and am blown away that I stayed within the ranges EXCEPT for the fat intake. Well, that's pretty good, isn't it? So I eat two more cookies before I go to bed. Today, I awaken tired. I am not going to work out today. I did too much yesterday. Today will be a day off. A day of REST. I con myself into thinking this is all justified, and that I am tired from all the walking and teaching, NOT the overload of sugar ingested. Then that "PERSON" who is emerging within me says "You know, you need to do your workouts and cardio today". I ignore her and start to read my emails. I have no intention of even logging in to SP today. Then she nudges me. I hate being nudged. I tell her to leave me alone, but she won't. She says "YOU ARE IGNORING THE TRUTH THAT YOU NEED TO DO YOUR WORKOUTS AND CARDIO. GO LOG IN". I tell her to shut up and leave me alone. Then I send out a couple important emails and make my play in the online scrabble game Bossy Daughter and I have going. Nudge, nudge. "REMEMBER ALL THOSE COOKIES?" says Ms. Smarmy. She smirks at me when I try to concentrate on something else. Ms. Smarmy is developing quite a smirk these past few days. By now I am cognizant that what I am really going through is a sugar withdrawal from the damned cookies, and regret eating them all. Ms. Smarmy makes me log on "just to see if any emails or comments have been made on your web site". I fall for it. I do NOT intend to do any workouts or cardio today! I am too Tired!!! Smirk, smirk. So I spend too much time uploading photos from yesterday's class, fiddle around, and finally cave in "just to look at what I have scheduled in fitness today". Oh, man. I don't feel like doing THOSE! I know, I can CHEAT. I will just put in that I did exercise, get my points and be on to the rest of my day. I mean, who would know that I really did not do those workouts?! "I CAN'T BELIEVE YOU ARE ACTUALLY THINKING OF CHEATING ON YOUR WORKOUTS"! I tell her to shut up and leave me alone. I am getting ready to cheat on the first workout, and "YOU KNOW, DON'T YOU, THAT IF YOU CHEAT, YOU ARE ONLY CHEATING YOURSELF". Sanctimonious creep! Why can't she just take it easy and relax? Ok. Ok. I will go to my fitness page and LOOK at one or two of the exercises scheduled. Oh, I like those two. I will just do THEM. Smirk. smirk. 'AND JUST WHAT'S WRONG WITH THE REST OF THEM"? Ok, ok. I will do just those othe two. I click that I did (honestly) those four exercises, and I kind of like the points I get for them. Well, I will just take another peek at that list. Oh, I only have those to go. I can do them easy peasy. Click on for more points. Ok. That's enough for the day. Then Ms. Smarmy, whom I thought had probably left to go get her crown, appears again. "REMEMBER ALL THOSE COOKIES YOU ATE YESTERDAY, MS. LARDO?" That's IT. I have had it with her and her smirks and smarmy attitude. MISS LARDO, INDEED! Who does she think she is talking to???? I will show HER! Ok, Ms. Smarmy, see if you can keep up with THIS! I proceed to do a very rigourous cardio dance video, and don't even stop when I get all tangled up and lose my place and can't do what is on the screen. I keep doing these workout breaths, and pumping my arms. I pump my legs, push with my arms, try to hop, do marching, to all kinds of strenuous motions, and then my time is up. Not one peep out of Ms. Smarmy. I KNEW I could shut her up!! Now, I will continue to ignore her and go about my day. After all, I have a lot to get done.
Tuesday, June 16, 2009
Have you ever exercised by default? I did, today. I was busy surfing through the Spark pages when DH came in and needed the computer. He has his own computer downstairs, but hasn't hooked it up yet.....groan. It's only been sitting there for two years now, and all he has to do is set it up. Simple, huh! Not to a pack rat! He would have to move three tons of stuff in front of the computer in order to even get to it. But that is another story. So here he comes, needing MY computer. I ask if it is important (I am thinking "is it important enough to get me off Spark?") and he says "Yes. I need to reply to an Ebay seller's email ". Now I ask you. Is Ebay more important than finding out what everybody is doing on SparkPeople???? But I am a gracious person, so I surrender my computer. Now, for DH to write an email, it can take a full day or more. He has been known to draft his emails and work on them for a week or more before he deems them correct enough to send. He always has me read them first, and when I correct his sentence structure or punctuations, it is always a major insult to him. And he doesn't take major insults well at all. He argues with me that the punctuation is correct, or that the sentence structure MEANS.................... This is always followed by me saying "then why don't you just say THAT?", to which he again takes as a major insult. So today I tell him that I don't have time to read his email before he sends it. I mean, I want to get back to playing with you guys! So he agrees, then proceeds to write his email. I think if I workout while he is trying to get the email finished, he will hurry and do it. I figure he is good for about 15 minutes of me romping around with my music blaring. But no. He is calmly sitting there, typing away. So I re-set my timer, and continue to work out. Music is louder, and I am getting a real workout, let me tell you. I am also getting angry that he hasn't noticed the music or the fact that I am bouncing around, so I work harder. And bounce louder. And breathe louder. CAN YOU HEAR ME NOW??? type, type, type, click, click, click. Another 15 minutes has passed, and he is still at it. So I very ostentatiously set ANOTHER 15 minutes, set the timer right by his arm, and turn the music up. This time it is marching band music, played by the U.S. Marine Band. I figure it is time to send in the Marines. Before I know it, I am marching around the house, FAST, and break into a house jog. Sometimes I throw in a jumping jack or two, sometimes a side kick or three, sometimes I try to skip (with not much success). I am waving my arms around, and I feel a bead of SWEAT roll down my chest. SWEAT!!! Women don't SWEAT! We GLISTEN! But Glisten doesn't roll down your body! I have to get a grip on this before I lose complete composure. So I change my workout. Have you ever done Tai Chi to marching band music played by the Marines? As I am doing all my moves, I begin to imagine I am on Okinawa and it is during WWII, and the Marines are coming to storm the beach AND my exercise mat!! I better work out really fast so I can get out of their way. But Tai Chi isn't done fast. It is done deliberately, with great concentration. So I concentrate greatly, imagining I am on white sand next to Caribbean-blue water. How very peacefully the palm trees sway! I am getting in to this when DH says "Aren't you supposed to be marching in time to the music or something?" There goes my reverie. I snap out of my dream world, hear the music blaring and yell to him "I CAN'T HEAR YOU!!" He turns off the music, and then asks "Can you hear me now?" My timer goes off, it is time to stop. I guess exercise under duress is still exercise, right? Oh, I almost forgot! I read a sp article this morning explaining that, yep, I can lose inches and gain weight, because muscle really DOES weigh more than fat! So now I am building muscles and gaining weight, but that is because I am getting healthier. My inches keep going down. I will worry about the scale reports later. Right now, I am on a roll!! Bring on the Marines!
Monday, June 15, 2009
Hey Fellow Sparks! Today is the first day of the rest of my life. Or something like that. I can never figure that saying out because it always seems like our yesterdays are nothing. I don't feel that way about yesterdays at all. I mean, how would we ever have such wonderful memories if we didn't acknowledge yesterday with love and attention?? Especially yesterday's nap! I loved that nap! Sunday afternoons are a good time for naps. The gentle breeze was flowing over my face, I had dropped the book I was reading, Meng Tsu Kitty was curled up by me............ah, it was a good thing! Today I have a very heavy schedule, and it was time to get back to workouts. So I did the strength training stuff, which I am actually seeing a marked improvement in myself, including balance. I can do one exercise with my left leg up. But when I put my weight on my "ignorant side", and lift my right leg, I have to grab the door knob. Ignorant Side just doesn't want to learn. I do my appropriate stretches, and go to the stationery bike. I set a timer for 15 minutes. I go into the quilt room and get a different quilt book to read while pedaling, put on some piano boogie-woogie so I won't peddle too slowly, and begin. I begin reading my morning meditation book so I know what to watch for in my attitude today. Then I get the quilt book. The book is "15 Two Block Quilts". I'm reading it from the very beginning, something I rarely do with my quilt books, because I either jump right in with them, or put them on the shelf "for later". I am reading along, not quite grasping everything I am reading, but I know I can re-read it several times while on the bike, and should get most of it by then. The timer goes off. Hey! Wait a minute!! It can't have been 15 minutes already!! I am still having a good time with the book! Ok. Set the timer for another 15 minutes, and continue with the book. This time when the alarm sounds, I am ready to write this blog to you so I can get on with my day. Today is going to be a very busy day for me, as is Tuesday and Wednesday. Today I have to get all quilt width measurements tallied for the art quilt show, and then get those tallies off to the rest of the Art Quilt Sue Show committee. Then I have to get together with Sue, who is going to be my class helper on Wednesday for the Painted Leaves Quilt class I am teaching to make sure she is aware of what I might need help with, and what her duties will be. Doesn't that sound impressive? HER DUTIES. Ha. We will go over some of the areas I will need her help, and that will be that. I have to get all the stuff organized for the Art Quilt Sue's show design meeting tomorrow, as well as get all my STUFF together for the class I am teaching on Wednesday. AND I need to color my hair. I always love the texture and body of my hair after I color it. But I hate the process of doing the coloring. It doesn't take long...maybe ten minutes, and then all I have to do is wait 45 minutes and shower it out. I know it isn't any real work, but it always seems to be such an imposition! I keep telling DH that I am going to just let the white grow out, and he says "OK, but you will sure look OLD". That does it. I tear into the bathroom, get all the stuff out and show HIM! I won't look OLD when I am finished! What does HE know anyway? Well, besides almost anything and everything, I mean. He really is a smart guy. A bona fide genius. With all the social skills of bona fide geniuses. These people don't have a clue about appropriate social conversations or behavior. At leat my DH doesn't. He will either be totally silent, or start a lecture on some topic that no one else in the room has a clue about. He doesn't know he monopolizes the entire conversation until I smack him. SOME times, that works. Others, I just have to tell him, "You are monopolizing and lecturing. Stop yourself." Then he goes into the quiet phase again. Now why am I telling you all this about DH? Beats me. It must be because he annoyed me by making that comment about me looking OLD. We have a house FULL of antiques (Including DH), so I don't know what would be so bad about me looking OLD, too. I have to get the coloring stuff out.
Saturday, June 13, 2009
So okay. I know I went over my allotments a couple of times.....three, to be exact.....but did my workouts. I moved up to Stage 2. I thought this was a good thing. Now I am not too sure. I get on the scale today and sure enough, I have gained 2 pounds. Then I get out the measuring tape, do my measurements, and see that I have LOST 6.2 INCHES. Now will somebody please explain that??!! Several years ago I had a WW instructor who used to always say "well, you know! Muscle weighs more than FAT". I was taught that 16 oz is a pound, no matter what it is of. My engineer husband says "not necessarily." Then he goes into the lecture mode about weights and measures, volumne and other stuff that I can't hear. I can see his mouth moving, but I don't hear his words. I just try to remember to blink once in a while when looking at him, pretending to follow his course. I don't have much of a clue what he is talking about, so I begin doing my own head talk. Let's see. Should I just bag this whole thing now? I mean, I am tired of moving in my sleep and having my abs remind me they have been overworked. They keep screaming "Hey YOU! Watch it!! I am trying to relax, and you rolling around isn't doing me any good. WHY don't you just lie still and SLEEP already?!" The whole groin area is even a bit sore and it is evident even when I pee. My arms complain about being all stretched out constantly and would like to return to their previous no exercise, flabby selves, but my legs say "Hey, guys, let's do this again!". The legs, even though they are coated with cottage cheese right under the skin, are the strongest part of my body. They got that way from working with horses and climbing really steep hills twice a day to do feeding. Moving from the ranch stopped all that workout stuff, and my body just grew, and grew............and grew.............till Bossy Daughter had enough and forced me to do this. Speaking of Bossy Daughter, she and the family are off to the Relay for Life weekend in Massachusetts. Both Bossy Daughter and Ally walk with the Survivors as well as just doing "regular" walks. One of these years I just might fly out there and do their Relay with them. I do ours here on the Peninsula, and love it. Especially the candle ceremony. Any way, back to my dilemna. Today I do the crunchless ab workout with........yep! HEATHER!! Now don't let this one fool you. It is not nearly as easy as she presents it to be. I stay with her for the first part, then start to fall behind again. I mean, the woman is KILLING me. She just keeps moving, and then says "OK, a little FARTHER BACK NOW. I am back as far as I can get without screaming for mercy, and she wants me to go back more??? She steps up the agony with increased glee and different moves, and my hatred is coming to the front. This is supposed to last for 10 minutes. It has already been 5 1/2 hours, and she still comes up with new stuff. Finally, toward the end of the 15th hour, I cave in and just lie there like a beached manatee. She prattles on more, then says "THERE! We are finished with our 10 minute workout. If you want, you can replay this video and do it again." Her face disappears just as my hands, formed in the "choke hold" position, touch the monitor screen. She's quite the escape artist, that one! My attitude isn't improving yet, so I know I need to do the cardio. Instead of doing the fun R&R dancing, I chose to go to Demand Fitness and find a cardio video. I get this one that is mid-range, and it is really good! UNTIL a new move is presented. I am supposed to do this step, tap, reach, stretch, over my head, and in front of me and repeat???????? Repeat which one?? You want me to do ALL of them at one TIME??? I don't think it is possible. I am not an octopus. I don't have that many hands and feet. I try, fall over, pick myself up and try again. As usual, right side gets it. OK. Now switch to left side. The IGNORANT side. It doesn't have a clue as to what it is supposed to do, so it just does the frog in the blender thing. I try really hard to control it, but that is causing me to curse, so I just jiggle around, stretching once in a while, always on the left side. Then we get down on our hands and knees. Oh, I like this! We do some stretchy things that are good, then we are supposed to do this balancing act where right arm is up and extended, left leg is up and extended. And balance ourselves. Right. I can balance myself if my arm and leg can move, but to keep it still..............another tip over. I don't fall; I TIP OVER. Getting back into position, once again I tip over. Now my brain has gone, because I am singing (outloud) "I'm a little tea pot, short and stout........" and tip over because I am laughing so hard. I have no idea what is going on with the video, because I have tears in my eyes from laughing and singing at the same time. Suddenly, in rushes DH and Winsten, both afraid of what is going on in the room. Winsten is barking and licking my face, DH has a horrified look on his face and is yelling "Are You OKAY?? WHAT are you DOING??" Party poopers, both of them. I gather my wits about me, and go back to the video. Ok. She is on the cool down portion, which is good, because I am done for anyway. I think the doo-doo has become a woo hoo after all.
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