Sunday, October 26, 2014
today is another day without my partner doggie, Winnie.
Yesterday I called the people from WAG (the foster parent program for critters) and let them know I had 45 pounds of new kibble, a box of dog biscuits, dog bedding and doggie toys from Winnie. they were thrilled to get it all.
They came at the appointed time, and the first thing they did was give me a big hug. then they loaded up everything, and said "Winnie would really be happy about this".
I realized they were right. Well, maybe not about giving away his toys and bones…..he loved them…….but whenever any dog would come visit, Winnie would take them to the kibble dish and let them eat. He was a very gracious host.
So after they left, I hit the pantry. The big pail of kibble wasn't there any more, neither were the bones. Time to do some cleaning.
I attacked the shelves, starting at floor level. Went on to get 14 shelves all cleaned, and now I am exhausted. I have a huge pantry, and still have more to do.
But first I will take a little nap and get some rest.
Yes, Winnie would approve!
Thursday, October 23, 2014
Thank all of you for your love, kindness and support over us all losing Winnie.
Last night DH and I combed though Doggie Breed books to see about getting another doggie. I looked in the paper, and found an ad for Aussie pups. Called the guy and set up an appointment to drive 3 hours one way to see the pups.
We've never had an Aussie, so don't have a clue as to what we are doing, other than hurry and lose the pain of Winnie not being here.
A long night of fitful sleeping, I awoke without Winnie's kisses, getting me up so we could walk. The emptiness hit me like a Mac truck.
I DID get up and took a walk. A short one, to be sure, as everywhere I looked, I could see Winnie from our previous walks. With tears streaming down my face, I traced my footsteps back home, hands feeling empty from not holding a leash.
I was very alone and lost.
However, along the walk home, I could feel Winnie's presence, telling me not to rush into things so fast, and that he understands that I am trying to not miss him so much. I know he misses me, too, but also know he is no longer sick and is in a very wonderful place. He thanked me for helping his get out of his earthly body, and filled me with his love and compassion.
By the time I reached the front door, I knew we are not ready to jump headlong into getting another doggie. It wouldn't be fair or right to do yet. Maybe never.
It wouldn't be right to the dog, because it would always be "Winnie's Replacement". It wouldn't be right for us, because we would be trying to pole vault over our feelings.
We need to accept our grief, shed the tears, and learn more about ourselves as to who and what we are after having wonderful Winnie guide our lives. We must learn to let go.
Jumping to replace our feelings is not a healthy way of living. The denial would bring all sorts of bad habits back.
I now must learn how to walk for ME. I must learn how to give myself time to take care of myself. I must learn to not run away from my tears.
As some of you know, I am facing an entire shoulder replacement very soon. I must give myself time to physically heal from that, and accept that now is not the time for me to take on training a puppy. I must accept the time given me to be sure to follow doctor's orders and get healed from the surgery. I must learn to take care of me.
Winnie always did that for me. He took care of me. He listened to me. He led my life is so many ways. He gave constant support and comfort. He understood my tears and quelled my fears.
It has been 50 years since I lived without having a doggie. I don't know how to do this.
Now I must learn to do those things for myself. I must let TIME take its course.
I hear DH crying over Winnie, and now I must close.
Tuesday, October 21, 2014
Hi Dear Sparkies,
Thank you all for being concerned and checking on how Winnie was doing. It is with great joy and relief that I can say he is back to "NORMAL"!
He gave us a bad scare when he got sick. He had diarrhea and/or constipation, no eating, no drinking, no energy and a low grade fever.
I called the vet to get him in, but was told we would have to wait five days before there was an available opening.
So I took matters in to my own hands.
I helped him walk every two hours, round the clock.
Took him off all of his dog food, and made chicken breast (no skin) and white rice. Gave him 2 ounces of it…………he LOVES it………every two hours.
Wet his lips until he would drink a little water.
Put a blanket on the floor and lay beside him so he would know Momma was right there for him.
Played meditation music softly for him.
Yesterday he started showing signs of improvement, and by evening, he did a "normal" pooh.
he was VERY pleased with himself over that, and I am sure he felt better as a result of being able to eliminate the nasty inside him.
We slept entirely through the night, and this morning he was eager to go outside. Out we went, and he led the way, which is the usual way we walk.
We walked over a mile and a half, but didn't need to do any "studying", which we usually do. (Winnie likes to show me things, and we both have to STUDY it carefully……maybe a rock, or a leaf, or some grass, or a slug crossing the road……….you name it, we have STUDIED it!) We just walked at a good pace, and after about another mile, he did another normal pooh, of which he was VERY proud, and made me study it for about a minute.
Then once we came home, he went directly to the fridge and barked for his chicken and rice. Gobbled it all down, went to the water bowl and filled up with water, then thought he needed more chicken. Nope. Got to keep him on a measured schedule.
He is doing so well today that I called the Vet and cancelled our appointment for tomorrow. told them what I did, and they said it was the best thing for him, and agreed they wouldn't have to see him.
So Winnie is feeling good, I am feeling older, and life is back to the usual laundry, cleaning, meal prep, running DH to doctors, listening to DH grumble and be cranky and having good music on.
Just because life isn't going exactly as I would write the script, it is what it is, and I can do what I can do. Like walk, move and appreciate just being alive!
Thursday, October 02, 2014
We got great new on Tuesday.
DH will have his gall bladder surgery on Monday, Oct. 6. We met with the surgeon, and feel very confident in him.
Now this may seem to some who read this that this is not exactly the best great news.
But for us here, it is.
DH has Alzheimer's, and has been experiencing a lot of illness, pain and fatigue due to his gall bladder having stones. We went to several other doctors, and they all poo-poohed it, saying "it's really nothing to be concerned about.
Then we talked to our regular physisian, Curt, and he got right on it. Sent us for a bunch of tests, two different specialists, and sure enough, the gall bladder had to come out.
So now we have a surgery date, the gall bladder will be gone and fade in to history, and we can move in to the pain of healing.
I need a shoulder replacement, but couldn't have it done because DH's had to come first.
So NOW, I can have my shoulder replaced, and move in to the pain of recovery once DH is strong enough and can take care of himself, some what.
In the meantime, Bossy Daughter and I are busy looking for help here around the house.
I figure we will need someone at least two days a week to come clean, cook, and cart us to and fro for our outside necessary trips. (Neither of us will be able to drive). Whoever we get must love critters, and take good care of our "children" as well. That includes walking with Winnie until I can do it again.
I am placing a call in to our insurance to see if they cover such expenses.
While it is not the most comfortable thought of having someone else come in and manage our home, critters and US, it is something that can't be delayed.
It is time for us to accept we will need a lot of help, and perhaps for a somewhat long bit of time.
These old bodies don't just jump back to health as quickly as they used to!!
Thanks to Spark, I have learned how to ask for help without shame or guilt.
Spark is so much more than just about weight loss and eating correctly. It is about learning to love oneself, get help wherever needed, and to accept sincere caring, friendship and support.
SPARK…….YOU REALLY ARE A LIFE SAVER!!!
Saturday, September 20, 2014
Most of us hear the word "habit", and it conjures up negative thoughts and images.
It doesn't have to be so!
We can develop new habits, and have fun doing so!
Like working out!!!
Get some really exciting music with a good strong beat, and put it on first thing in the morning. Turn the volume up. Notice how your body wants to move? Notice how much enjoyment your are getting out of the music and moving? Notice how your body is finding the beat and just wants to keep going? Notice how much more awake you are, and the smile inside?
Make yourself a challenge to plan a meal with the most colors in it. Notice how FUN it is to eat that? Notice how you are actually enjoying the challenge with which color to eat first? And then notice how you have missed the fun of eating pretty meals that are healthy?
Grab your camera and head outside, and take some new Autumn photos while you walk your path. Notice how you are enjoying the walking more, and the excitement you feel by seeing the colors?
Mark your calendar with Autumn colors each day you do these things. Isn't it getting pretty!!!
Habits take only 15 days to form, and 15 days to break. Choose which way you will go, and watch the Autumn changes on the scale and how much prettier you are getting!!
Today begins Spark's new Autumn challenge. Challenges make life exciting. Notice how the points just rack up in no time flat!
Let's all get together, encourage one another, and challenge one another to succeed our goals this time! Watch the excitement as the teams challenge each other for first place, and BE A PARTICIPANT in the challenge every day!
You WILL do more than you thought you could, and you WILL be having more fun!!
Ready? Set? GO!!!!!!!!! I'll see you at the finish line! Which one of us will get there first??
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