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My Wake Up Call ~ RE: Alcohol Misuse

Saturday, September 14, 2013

A couple of weeks back I needed to go into town to draw some money out from the bank to do my weeks grocery shopping... I have anxiety attacks and agoraphobia but have been challenging myself to go to the actual store rather than shop online... I also use alcohol to enable me to complete tasks that involve leaving my home and on this day my plan was to draw my money out go to the pub opposite my bank (my local bar where I feel safe and secure) have a couple of drinks then go to the supermarket that is close by and return to the bar for a couple more drinks before going home... Under usual circumstances I would never go to the supermarket during the busy hours of the daytime 6am opening or 10/11 pm closing are my preferred shopping hours!...

However, on this occasion due to financial worries I had been awake all night checking my bank online to see if my allowance had been paid in... It was not until about 9am that it showed on my account ... I rushed to put my make up on... upset and tearful I had to cleanse and reapply it three times... I managed to leave the flat but it was nearing midday... my best friend gave me reassurance on my mobile whilst I walked into town via the quiet back streets... I told him of my plan to get the buy 2 glasses get the rest of the bottle free deal that the Pub does and that after two glasses I would be confident to face the supermarket and return to the safety of the friendly bar staff and regulars...

All of this would have been okay...

However, being so very pleased with myself that I had done my shop and showing a friend in the pub the lovely food I had purchased one thing led to another, I sent texts to see if anyone else was coming out to the pub that afternoon... ordered another bottle of wine...

Maybe it was an alcohol blackout but I found myself in the back of an ambulance with a broken nose, busted lip & front tooth...

I've not been out drinking since and have made the decision to not use alcohol in this way ever again even if it does mean that I will rarely leave home... I have plenty I can do from home and intend to have friends visit me here to avoid total isolation...

It was also my birthday last week... the best present is the one I gave to myself... to be healthy and use yoga, aromatherapy and the Linden Method for my anxiety... NOT ALCOHOL!


Bella xxx


BAND PROJECT - Realm of Immortelle

Sunday, March 17, 2013

I've been working on getting a Gothic Metal band together for some time, just trying to find musicians that are talented & dedicated is hard enough but there seems to be a distinct lack of them locally for both me & drummer Aleks to work with ... so after discussing it, we have decided to go London based & already have a potential guitarist having done so!

Having drunk a bottle of Isla Negra Merlot over Friday & Saturday night & not particularly enjoying it after my two week detox... I feel dehydrated & keep coughing (no good for vocalists!) so have decided back to the detox & no alcohol for at least another two weeks as I have vocals to record & my voice needs to be in much better shape than it was on my previous recordings... So my next objective is to get some decent demo tracks (Guitar, Vocals & Click Track) of the following original songs for Aleks & Alex to work with!

1. Anubis
2. Blood Red Ritual
3. Shadow Realm
4. Crystalline Flower
5. Dark Star
6. Liquid Princess
7. St Lucia
8. Lithium Blade
9. Sweet Temperance
10. Cursed From A Kiss
11. Blood Lust
12. Dancing With Vampires
13. Ruby Star (Lyrics Written by myself & Black Angel October 2004)

Yes! I do have my work cut out for me don’t I? Hopefully my other PC which has a few recordings on can be repaired (I will find out on Tuesday) This one has various recordings of my heavier tunes “Liquid Princess” & “St Lucia” but knowing me I’ll probably start again from scratch (I’m a hopeless perfectionist & probably won’t care much for my old recordings... I never do as can always spot what can & should be improved on)...

Right! I’ve no time for this when I could be drinking Earl Grey tea & practicing scales!

Dark blessings



21 Day Plan... 2013 New Year

Sunday, January 06, 2013

I have set myself a challenge to form good lifestyle habits & practices that will bring me closer to my health, fitness & musical goals over the next 21 days ... my main priority is to avoid alcohol & limit it to weekends only if I do decide to drink... & I will not drink due to anxiety or tension.

I will set my alarm for 6am every morning & do my Linden Method visualization, affirmations & daily tarot reading whilst drinking my morning cup of tea, followed by Yoga "Sun Salutation" This makes for a focused & good start to any day as I have discovered over the weekend...

The main focus from 9am-5pm will be my musical goals so I have set fastbreak goals to track my motivation with these... the main objective is to have a 30 minute 12 string guitar & vocal solo set that I can go out & perform with confidence by January 27th 2013.


I will also be eating healthy vegetarian home cooked meals & tracking daily calories consumed & exercise taken...



Health & Fitness Motivation

Wednesday, September 19, 2012

This week has been very good so far as I've exercised for 30 minutes on Monday & today... "Beginners Challenge" & Crunches from my workout book... it also seems to be better to workout at midday & get Alfie out first thing in the morning at 6.30 am... I walked Alfie into town & back yesterday...


I've not had any alcoholic drinks since Sunday evening & I've been eating healthy food with fresh organic salad & vegetables steamed or grilled... I will start keeping a food diary or using my personal journal as I've had some lovely salad lunches with watercress, rocket & spinach leaves, cherry tomatoes, asparagus, red onion, olive oil, butter beans, flageolet beans & a prepared cheese & onion quiche

I made a tesco groceries order on Sunday evening & only ordered healthy food mostly also organic, I've created 2 motivational image collages for eating healthy & drinking healthy too avoiding temptation of alcoholic drinks by replacing them with healthy beverages ... these I have stuck on my fridge freezer where I will see them frequently...


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