 
 
 
Visual representation of 100lbs of fat.Monday, June 14, 2010
Pretty non-personal entry today, feeling more like looking outwards at things than inward at myself. I want to thank all the people who have been a support while I am in this sad place though. Its all appreciated. 
|
VW_STEPH
6/15/2010 2:17AM
 |
 |
Wow.... omg... thank you for this. This is brilliant.
Report Inappropriate Comment |
|
LYNN-LOVES-LIFE
6/14/2010 11:40PM
|
 |
Now that is just Nasty.. We carry that crap around on us.. OMG! Thank you so much for sharing this with us.. This is unthinkable, and to think. Some of that is around the heart, and other organs.. YUK! I've lost some of that, but not as much as I would like. I gotta pick up the pace now..
Report Inappropriate Comment |
|
RED_WRITINGHOOD
6/14/2010 8:58PM
|
 |
It is amazing how far you have come girl. You should be very proud of yourself!!
Report Inappropriate Comment |
|
SERENEBEACH
6/14/2010 6:11PM
|
 |
Ewwwww!! That's a great motivator! You must feel so proud to see what you've been able to eliminate. Way to go. (Thanks for the carnation...it came at a great time..I really needed it.) 
Report Inappropriate Comment |
|
WHGRN60
6/14/2010 3:10PM
|
 |
YUCK!!!! I think I've lost my appetite. For the rest of my life!
Report Inappropriate Comment |
|
MORTICIAADDAMS
6/14/2010 3:01PM
|
 |
Gag. They made it really look gross. LOL.. You have done a fantastic job and it's amazing that you have gotten rid of 1 1/2 times this amount of fat. 
Report Inappropriate Comment |
|
PASTUREPUFFIES
6/14/2010 2:15PM
|
 |
I remember in school seeing blobs of 1, 5, 10, 25 and 50lbs of plastic fat.... creepy! But neat. :D
Report Inappropriate Comment |
|
SALLYSEAGULL1
6/14/2010 1:43PM
|
 |
This is a great help and a warning not to put it all back on again! I try to visualise half pounds of butter, as packed in UK. 200 of those would also make the point! Congrats to you! 
Report Inappropriate Comment |
|
MEAN_CHRISTINE
6/14/2010 12:56PM
|
 |
That looks like my entire belly!! Makes one disgusted with themselves allowing that to be a part of their body.. truly disgusted with myself!
Report Inappropriate Comment |
|
PUMPKINFAIRY
6/14/2010 12:50PM
|
 |
Wow!
Report Inappropriate Comment |
|
MMS354
6/14/2010 12:21PM
|
 |
Congrats on your success! This pic represents the long road ahead of me.... 
Report Inappropriate Comment |
|
AMANDAEA129
6/14/2010 11:32AM
|
 |
That is an awesome picture. Amazing job on your weight loss!!!
Report Inappropriate Comment |
|
BLAKBIRD
6/14/2010 11:26AM
|
 |
Even at 65% of what you've accomplished this is not a pretty picture. But it is a great visual to remind us all what will power, deternination, drive and commitment can achieve. Oh and listen to New-Caz, You are beautiful and an inspiration to so many of us/   
Report Inappropriate Comment |
|
KARVY09
6/14/2010 11:23AM
|
 |
Wow, I'm at 98 lbs lost now and THAT is disgusting thinking about carrying that on me.
Report Inappropriate Comment |
|
DREAMRUNR
6/14/2010 11:21AM
|
 |
I can truly understand how you feel. You have done such an amazing job and I hope you can learn to be as proud of yourself as we here at SP are. What you have achieve is no small feat and you are a true inspiration to many trying to make there life better. You let them know that it is possible. Hang in there! Report Inappropriate Comment |
|
JDTHUMPER
6/14/2010 11:16AM
|
 |
That is just nasty, and I am carring close to that now!!!
Report Inappropriate Comment |
|
ERINBEAR1876
6/14/2010 10:52AM
|
 |
WOW. I was just looking this week at how I reached 100 pounds lost (post 25 pounds of baby). There are no words that could give you the impact that this picture does!!! Thanks for posting!
Report Inappropriate Comment |
|
COOLMAMA11
6/14/2010 10:46AM
|
 |
WOW, REALLY MAKES ONE STOP AND PAUSE. TO THINK I HAVE 72 LBS TO LOSE..UGH THAT'S A LOT OF FAT LOL!(sorry about caps, not hollering, didn't notice till too late) Thanks for the visual, maybe now I will work a little harder to get rid of mine!!! You are awesome, and have come so far..be proud my spark friend! Hugs Elaine Comment edited on: 6/14/2010 10:48:46 AM Report Inappropriate Comment |
|
LADYINOHIO
6/14/2010 10:37AM
|
 |
That IS amazing! I'm about 50 or so lbs from where I want to end up eventually, and I was 50 lbs heavier than this not but a few years ago, so that does seem totally relate-able to me! You "sound" a little happier in this blog, if not that then a little lighter in mood, and I'm happy to read that you're taking a minute to look outward instead of staying in your own head too much... I have a real problem with that, and it's something that depression seems to do to everybody! I think Eclecktic said something similar and it really resonated to me, depression is a selfish disease and takes our attention and keeps it there, dwelling on the bad stuff. Looks like you're strong enough to break away from it, so   Keep blogging if it makes you feel better and helps you venture outward~ I hope you have a great day!! 
Report Inappropriate Comment |
|
ZNJGRAM
6/14/2010 10:31AM
|
 |
Congratulations on your wonderful weight loss. What an inspiration you are.
Report Inappropriate Comment |
|
NEW-CAZ
6/14/2010 10:14AM
|
 |
what a wonderful visual aid to show the work you've put in Pookie and just how far you've come. on all you've achieved to date and please remember you ARE beautiful babe, no more negative thoughts you ARE AMAZING
Report Inappropriate Comment |
|
SLUMBERINGLOTUS
6/14/2010 9:58AM
|
 |
I wanna lose too of those piles AND I will. *hugs*
Report Inappropriate Comment |
|
PRICKLY101
6/14/2010 9:34AM
|
 |
Look at it! See what you've managed! And try to put depressing thoughts behind you! Well done!
Report Inappropriate Comment |
|
HHOUSE8
6/14/2010 9:24AM
|
 |
There's something reassuring about knowing our bodies are taking that fat and using it for fuel, rather than just storing it on our bodies. When I saw this photo I thought "How cool that you've USED up all that fat and more". I like this reframe to think I'm using up my fat rather than just losing it. The things I lose - I so often find again! The things I use up - well they're just gone for good. Also - Nice job taking care of yourself by looking outside a bit and knowing what you need. Be sweet to yourself today. Lovely you deserves that.
Report Inappropriate Comment |
|
DUSTEDTWIN
6/14/2010 9:22AM
|
 |
It's so amazing to me that you have accomplished something this grand! Looking at it in this manner makes it seem almost impossible, but you - you have done it. What an incredibly motivating blog!!! Thank you for sharing your outward glance at your progress, and I hope/pray (whatever you believe) that you can find peace for your current inner struggle. Just remember that YOU ARE AWESOME and WORTHY!
Report Inappropriate Comment |
|
MAMAK34
6/14/2010 9:10AM
|
 |
Oh yuck.
Report Inappropriate Comment |
|
SERENEART
6/14/2010 9:10AM
|
 |
Congrats! Very cool visual
Report Inappropriate Comment |
|
CHICAT63
6/14/2010 9:08AM
|
 |
Wow, very visual and what's even more amazing you did it !!!!!
Report Inappropriate Comment |
|
SLIMFIT57
6/14/2010 8:51AM
|
seeing this puts it all in perspective, thanks! 
Report Inappropriate Comment |
|
SJSLIM2B
6/14/2010 8:48AM
|
great visual!
Report Inappropriate Comment |
I have lost so much weight, everyday somebody tells me how amazing I look, how pretty I look. I agree with them for the most part.... while I am dressed.
Un-dressed? I hate myself so much.
My arms have huge hanging 'wings', my stomach is wrinkled like an old apple, my thighs are loose and wrinkly, and my breasts are empty and sagging. I'm not exaggerating as my Dr is trying to fight for me to get this fixed on the NHS, but you have to maintain your new weight for 2 years.
2 years of hating myself.
And even then I am unsure I meet enough of the criteria to get all these things fixed.
My now Ex-boyfriend as of yesterday admitted it wasn't attractive. My face, my eyes, my smile... blah blah blah... all of that is apparently, but I cannot see past knowing he finds the loose skin un-attractive.
So I said so and said things are over.
I started this journey coming up to being 30 because I was scared I would never get to have a baby, now I have put myself where I am physically able too, but I am so disgusted in myself the thought of even undressing in front of somebody is frightening because I am scared to believe what they may say, whether its the truth and they can see past my figure or not.
So I am alone again and unable to see any way past being alone. When you hate yourself its hard to expect anybody to love you.
Member Comments About This Blog Post:|
READNKNIT
6/19/2010 12:39PM
|
 |
You will find someone who will love you for who you are. I used to think that would never happen for me. But it did. I got married when I was 32, had my first child at 35 and my second at 37. They are now 12 and 10. It will happen for you at the right time. In the meantime, focus on being the best YOU you can be! Spend time doing things YOU love to do, not doing things because your boyfriend loved to do them. You'll be a happier person, and you'll find someone who shares your interests. It will happen when you least expect it. And the two years will fly by before you know it. I look at my kids and can't believe they are as old as they are. When I had them, people told me, the time will just fly by and they'll be grown. I thought, "Yea, right." But they were right. Don't wish the time away. Spend it doing things you love to do. The time will fly by all on its own. I guarantee it! Suzanne
Report Inappropriate Comment |
|
SHERRY822
6/18/2010 6:16AM
|
 |
 , Okay first of all, I have seen your posts to others who blog things like this, and I want you to think of what you would tell them, and then take your own advice. You are a beautiful person. You have worked so hard to get where you are today, that you shouldn't feel bad about anything at all. Yes you may have some hanging skin, but you are a smaller, healthier person, who is living life. You just have a few battle scars, from WINNING the fight. If your ex-boyfriend doesn't like the excess skin, and can't hang on for two years until you get some help for it, then he is not worth your love and caring. I mean I get that it may be unattractive to him, but I'm sure there are things about him that are just as unattractive, like his ability to be so superficial. You will find someone, who loves you for who you are and not what you look like, although I think you are beautiful. You are not alone, just without someone special in your life right now. We are all here for you, and while I know that is not what you mean, you just need to realize that. You won't be "alone" for long, I'm sure. As far as having a baby, God will give you one when you are ready for it. He's just waiting to send someone special your way first. You will see when it all comes together for you. You just hang in there, girl. If you need anything, look me up. You know where to find me, and I'm on here all day and night, off and on. Talk to you soon.---Sherry Report Inappropriate Comment |
|
WONMOTIME
6/15/2010 5:32PM
|
You know, I just read your fluff blog, and I could sense in what you were writing that you were sad about some things in your life, and then I came across this one and even though I don't know you in person, I could feel real tears in my eyes. I can relate to what you're saying more than you could know. My boyfriend of 3 years has never seen me naked in the light. I've had a lifetime of shame over my body. I dread every summer because everyone wears shorts and tank tops, and I still wear pants and t-shirts that cover up my flabby arms. All I see when I look in the mirror is stretch marks, and flabby dimpled skin. It sucks, but I'm fortunate because my boyfriend loves me regardless. He feels bad for me that I won't join him in swimming in the pool, and that I have a hard time leaving the house, but at the end of the day he still loves me. I waited a long time for someone like that, and I hope that you can find someone who can accept you as you are. The most important person that needs to accept you is you. I'm not going to lie and say that it's easy or that you can overlook what your body looks like, but all I can say is that everyone that really knows you isn't judging you by your appearance, and the kids that you work with don't care what you look like, and definitely all your SP friends don't care what you look like. That's a lot of people. The chances are better than you think that there's going to be a guy out there that won't care either, and if he does he's an idiot!! Report Inappropriate Comment |
|
LYNN-LOVES-LIFE
6/14/2010 11:37PM
|
|
U worked so hard, I left a long note for you in TYSWS, and I know.. U are going to read every word of it as soon as you get over there to check it out. I'm with you 100%, and I pray the doctors finds a loop hole some where. It's understandble how you feel, but I feel. NO! I know.. You done the right thing for yourself, and you earn one of those years you would have lost at a unhealthy weight back. Lynn Report Inappropriate Comment |
|
BAKER1009
6/14/2010 12:48PM
|
 |
I too hate to see that you are feeling this way. But please don't let it stop you from keeping yourself healthy. Life is not over because we have sagging skin or wrinkles. You must find the beauty in yourself, and yes I believe that someone else will come along in this world who sees that beauty as well. I already do! And if someone can tell you bad things about themselves, it's generally because they feel bad about themselves. Maybe not appearance, but something isn't sitting right with them. When you're looking for love, love with look past all that is visible to the eye! Keep you chin up. You have to give yourself some pep talks, remind yourself that you are a beautiful, strong woman. Believe in yourself...all of us here believe in you!!
Report Inappropriate Comment |
|
JDTHUMPER
6/14/2010 11:15AM
|
|
It is so sad to hear that you feel this way about yourself! You are beautiful sagging skin and all. If some one can't see past all of this I really feel sorry for them for they are missing knowing the real you. You have come so far to let all of this stop you now. Report Inappropriate Comment |
|
FITB4-40
6/14/2010 9:54AM
|
 |
Your feelings are understandable. It is disappointing to have made such progress only to discover that you are facing another hurdle. Please don't let this diminish all the positive changes you have made. Focus on the your improved health, energy level, physical abilities, and the years you've added to your life. Love your body because it is strong and allows you to live an active lifestyle. You probably aren't ready to hear this yet but when you find the right guy, he will love you and your body because it is part of you. And you not feel self conscious because you feel loved and accepted. Congratulations on your accomplishments. Be proud. You are an inspiration to others on this journey. ~Christy Report Inappropriate Comment |
|
PRICKLY101
6/14/2010 9:32AM
|
|
This is so sad, when you've done so well!
Report Inappropriate Comment |
|
SAMMIANNI
6/14/2010 3:38AM
|
 |
I knoww how hard it can be living in the UK. They class all of these things as vanity when they really play with our mental health! I know two sisters (I used to work with one) who were both 250lb+. One had a gastric band on the NHS, the other lost it by diet and exercise. Now the one who has had the gastric band qualifies for the cosmetic surgery, but the one who did it the natural way doesn't. It really isn't fair. Thee UK can suck sometimes. BUT.. I know that even my superskinny friends who make me feel big hate their body naked. I hate my body naked. I hate my muffin top and I hate the fact that my stomach is covered in stretch marks, even though I don't have kids. But I fake it (something women are good at! lol). I look in the mirror every day and instead of focusing on my stretchmarks, I focus on the fact that I have got great calves! It also helps a little that my husband loved me slim when we got together, loved me big when I put the weight on and loves me know I have stretch marks and loose skin. All I can say is that someone out there will see past these things that you see as "flaws" and will see your beautiful soul. And when that day comes I can honestly say you stop looking past these issues, because you don't see them at all!
Report Inappropriate Comment |
|
PANDORASPOCKS
6/14/2010 2:08AM
|
 |
I am so sorry you are unhappy, alone and feeling hopeless. You have so much to be proud of that it's heartbreaking to know you are so distraught about your appearance. I know what it feels like to hate what you look like. I feel that way every day of my life. Believe me when I say that there are people in the world who don't care about the superficial flaws that we pay such close attention to. My husband is one of those people. I realize now that I am the shallow one and those around me who love me are the ones who really understand the value of inner beauty versus exterior packaging. It seems ironic that the morbidly obese person is the one who's most concerned about appearances. There is something everyone hates about themselves. The trick is to concentrate on the things you like about yourself and work on the ones you don't, if you can. You've already accomplished a feat that thousands of people are struggling with every day all over the world. You yourself help many of them here on SP with your support and encouragement and the example you've set by reaching your own goals. We are all so proud of you and inspired by you and I bet there isn't one of us who gives a hoot what you look like naked.  You are beautiful. Naked, clothed, covered in chicken feathers, it doesn't matter. In the end, you will be remembered for what you do, what you say, how you act, who you've helped. Not what you look like. And when you find the RIGHT guy, he'll think you're beautiful naked, sagging skin and all. 
Report Inappropriate Comment |
|
JODY22002
6/13/2010 10:38PM
|
 |
I hear you. Really I do. Worry over the fact that no one else could possibly love me naked, is a huge part of why I have stayed in my marriage. I have a million and one stretch marks. My boobs were ruined by breastfeeding. And even after having lost 70 lbs so far, I still have 45 inch hips. I don't think they are going to get any smaller because I can feel my hip bones. It's frustrating to work this hard and still not like how we look. I understand. (((HUGS))) Report Inappropriate Comment |
|
WATERMELLEN
6/13/2010 9:57PM
|
 |
There is lots of good advice here: I'm hoping that tomorrow things feel better for you.
Report Inappropriate Comment |
|
LADYINOHIO
6/13/2010 9:56PM
|
|
Oh my dear, this is all too familiar to me as well. It's taken a lot of focus and over two years of "working on it" for me to learn to love myself and my body, despite my jiggly thighs and butt(and plenty of other parts), despite plenty of hereditary cellulite, despite stretch marks from having kids and stretch marks NOT from having kids (I'd be lying if I said I didn't have weight and self-worth issues loooong before I had kids.) I have resounding waves/jiggles on my upper arms so I fear to do anything that involves lifting upwards while wearing a tank-top(I'm slowly getting over this, and it's motivation to tone my triceps!) I have plenty of things I don't like about my body, and the only thing I can offer (that works for me, more times than not) is to take time to reallly appreciate the parts of your body you DO like, and also to look at it gratefully for what it can do, despite it's flaws. Everyone, and I mean EVERYONE has flaws, and they live with it in their heads much like we do, being way overcritical of ourselves. I've had depressive "episodes", as I've recently taken to calling them, since I can remember practically... around 8 yrs old I started having body/self-esteem/self-worth issues, for a multitude of reasons, and it's all I can do to not extend these problems to my own daughters... they're both very young right now, and my wee-one is autistic w/developmental delays so maybe she won't be troubled as much by societal pressure, but I can see in my 7-yr-old the desire to fit in with the "cool/hot" girls, the ideals set forth by the media... and we don't even watch network or cable t.v. in my house!! So that's WITHOUT commercials and magazines and popular media pushing that crap down her throat... I can only teach her to love herself and take care of herself with a healthy lifestyle, and it's only really going to mean anything if I set a good example myself. Let me get back to the depression... so I finally admitted my problems(which were way more apparent than I realized anyway) and started getting help from some doctors in just the last few months... AND being willing to at least TRY the medication route(a year ago I was still like, "no crazy mind-drugs, no way!"), and it was hard for me not to think badly of myself for that! How silly does that sound? But it's the truth. Anyway, I'm now being treated for Bipolar disorder! So I repeat, I really reallly do understand how it feels when your mind isn't working in your favor, or even your best interests. Lean on me as you need to, because I really think that when we take time to lift each other up, our own strengths become more clear to us. Talk at me any time you want or need to, you have SO MUCH support here at sparkpeople!!
Report Inappropriate Comment |
|
STLRZGRRL
6/13/2010 9:40PM
|
 |
Oh, dear. Well, the ex sounds like an uncommon lout so I wouldn't be too awfully sad to see him go... You don't know me but we have a common pal in Ecklectic and I found my way here from her... What I DO know is that you are a woman of steel spine or you wouldn't have battled back from under that 150 pounds that are gone now... I don't know if you know this part though so I'm going to give you my two cents (as free advice, you will have to take it for what it's worth!)... Being alone is FAR from the worst thing in the world... Being in a relationship with someone who is secretly or openly judging you for becoming healthy and attractive... that's a REALLY lonely place to be... Wanting to have a child is no reason to put up with disrespectful behavior and worse... rudeness. You might not be feeling it just now... but I can see it in you from across the pond... you are worth SO. MUCH. MORE... If your doc can get you the surgery in 2 years... well, that time is going to pass either way... you might as well spend it getting ready to be REMARKABLE!!!!  Tracey Report Inappropriate Comment |
|
SIMPLYTHAT
6/13/2010 8:52PM
|
 |
I am so happy to see this post. Obviously not happy to see you upset, but happy to see someone talk about this. I know exactly what you are talking about. I'm 28, have lost 80lbs and I STILL hate my body. It was absolutely shocking to me when I put on a US size 4 (I'm back in an 8 now, as I've gained a little back) and still thought I was fat, wrinkly and ugly. Suddenly all of these people were telling me how good I looked and men who had never paid me a second glance were giving me a lot of attention. It terrified me.....I wanted to be in a relationship....but I sure didn't want them to see me without clothes on! I mean, they'd leave me immediately! Since then, I've found myself in a relationship. I sucked it up (and in.. ) and I did become intimate with him. I've never asked how he feels about how my body looks, but he's never said anything about it. He knows I'm self conscious...but he's self conscious about himself too. We just communicate and are open about things and it seems to be working out. I've even put on 10-15lbs since we started seeing each other, and he hasn't said anything. I still feel just as awful as you do...but I also see that if I can ever get past it, no one worth my time is ever going to give me a hard time over my "battle scars". If I can learn to be amazing, it just won't matter. Report Inappropriate Comment |
|
LEAN-N-LEXY
6/13/2010 8:29PM
|
 |
Dearest Pookiepup, You so rarely share what is so deeply personal. I know that depression has been an issue for you all along. Depression works insidiously in our brains to make us think that we are "less than", that we are ugly, that we are unworthy of love, that we are unlovable, that we are failing at something. That thinking is the depression talking, it is not healthy real thinking. I am going step out on a limb and say some things that may be hard to hear. From your brief description of your break-up it sounds like you may have forced your old boyfriend into a situation where he (of course) agreed with you that your current body was unattractive. You then gave yourself "an out", a suitable reason to get rid of him when you were uncomfortable, despite his protestations that he found your face, your eyes, YOU attractive. This is MY reading of the situation. You are feeling unlovable, so you pushed him away. He may or may not have been the right man for you, but he left because you told him to not because he found you unattractive and gave you the heave ho. When you can conquer the nasty black cloud of depression that tries to tell you that what makes you lovable or worthy of love has anything to do with your exterior appearance then you will dazzle the world with your radiance. Because so many of us already see how beautiful you are and we saw it a year ago. As for being a mother, I can tell you that you will be a great one. Your experiences with your work will be awesome and I know that you have to love kids to stay in your line of work and advance as you have. You also don't have to worry about time. I didn't meet the love of my life until I was 39 and I married just after my 40th birthday. I gave birth to our little girl when I was 41 and needed no special care or assistance as an "elderly first timer". Report Inappropriate Comment |
|
LINDABEAR3
6/13/2010 8:05PM
|
 |
I hope you feel better soon and can be able to say that you love yourself regardless of what you look like under those clothes. Not many of us look good under clothes anyways. I know I don't and I suspect I won't when I lose all this weight either. I'm glad to know you are keeping sparking because it does help you to feel better helping others.
Report Inappropriate Comment |
|
FOCUSEDDIANE
6/13/2010 6:03PM
|
 |
You have come SO far! You have worked so hard to be where you are now. Many of us are facing smaller, but wrinkly-er and sagging bodies. Still, not loving ourselves would make all the hard work be for nothing. You are you..........in clothes and out of clothes. Because you "are", you are beautiful. I believe that there is beauty to be found.....if we CHOOSE to look for it. Find just one thing about yourself that you KNOW is beautiful and focus on it. Just one thing.....even if it is your beautiful smile. Look at yourself in the mirror several times a day and tell you that you love you. As your love for yourself grows, that self-love will bring to you a mate who will love you just as you are..............in all of your current beauty!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Here is a SP article about loving your body! http://www.sparkpeople .com/resource/wellness_articles .asp?id=271 Comment edited on: 6/13/2010 6:40:19 PM Report Inappropriate Comment |
|
ELAOPET
6/13/2010 5:53PM
|
 |
maybe being alone is the hardest thing. Maybe it is not. I don't know. Maybe learning to love ourselves is the hardest thing. Yes, I think it makes the top 10 of any chart. Still...somehow I think we all deserve to be loved. We all CAN be loved. Do we allow ourselves to be loved by others? I don't know. But I do know one thing. I did not get this big because I like to eat till I drop. And I know that real work does not start nor does it end with losing weight. Real work is in getting on friendly terms with ourselves first. And little by little, starting to love ourselves. Forgiving ourselves. Real work is learning to get by in this world. Not hide behind our bodies. Like I said. I do not know. But you did prove one thing. You are a fighter. So...maybe it is time for the next level ... hang in there Pookie! Give it time to settle. And then things won't look so terrible.
Report Inappropriate Comment |
|
SERENEBEACH
6/13/2010 5:33PM
|
|
You are not alone. If your boyfriend couldn't deal with the physical issues, better he is gone now and freed you to meet other people and eventually find someone who loves you for who you are now...surgery or not. I agree with the others who have advised talking to a counselor. It can only help. I am thinking positive thoughts for you and I know that after all the struggles you have had, you will make it through this one too!!
Report Inappropriate Comment |
|
BROWNIEISLANDER
6/13/2010 3:54PM
|
 |
The creator..Jehovah God..knows your fears and desires...Prayer. is wonderful...Time..will work things out..Be calmn,confident... work towards you...Stay strong.
Report Inappropriate Comment |
|
VW_STEPH
6/13/2010 3:48PM
|
|
I'm sorry you feel like this right now. =( ... I am not very good at this... i .... you are an amazing person... nobody can take that away from you. I hope that the NHS will accept you and help you to get rid of what is still making you unhappy... your 'leftovers' are part of your amazing journey and show what you have achieved. I just want to give you a hug right now. At the same time, whether you can be rid or not... i do feel you need to love yourself and look past whatever 'faults' you see in yourself... i don't know i think you know this already, you've been at it a while now. For you to love yourself and accept yourself completely, will then allow another person to do the same, but only afterwards. If somebody is with you and falls inlove with you, then nothing else will matter to them either, so this just proves your ex boyfriend wasn't the right person. That right person will come along. It's just the waiting around that is annoying... ;) I'm sending my love up to Blackpool for you... go outside and catch it ;) xxxxxxxx Report Inappropriate Comment |
|
-POOKIE-
6/13/2010 3:25PM
|
 |
Thank you all for taking so much time to respond.  and its community.Report Inappropriate Comment |
|
WHGRN60
6/13/2010 2:19PM
|
|
You are NOT ugly! You are BEAUTIFUL!! Everyone tells me I look great too, but they don't see me without clothes (perish the thought!!) The fact is, you DO look great! OK, so you're a bit saggy under your workout gear. A real man, who really loves you, won't care! He'll be too busy gazing in your eyes and admiring what you've done for your health. Take a deep breath, relax, and remind yourself how far you've come. Even with the saggy skin, don't you look (and FEEL) a whole lot better now than you did before?? I agree with the suggestions of others--let your doctor know how you are feeling, see a counselor about it, and we'll all keep praying that the NHS antes up on the reconstructive surgery!! Blessings Wendy Report Inappropriate Comment |
|
MYRSOLON
6/13/2010 2:09PM
|
 |
"They gatherd, broad as Amazonian Targe, And with what skill they had, together sowd, To gird thir waste, vain Covering if to hide Thir guilt and dreaded shame; O how unlike To that first naked Glorie. Such of late Columbus found th' American so girt With featherd Cincture, naked else and wilde Among the Trees on Iles and woodie Shores. Thus fenc't, and as they thought, thir shame in part Coverd, but not at rest or ease of Mind, They sate them down to weep, nor onely Teares Raind at thir Eyes, but high Winds worse within Began to rise, high Passions, Anger, Hate, Mistrust, Suspicion, Discord, and shook sore Thir inward State of Mind, calm Region once And full of Peace, now tost and turbulent: For Understanding rul'd not, and the Will Heard not her lore, both in subjection now To sensual Appetite, who from beneathe Usurping over sovran Reason claimd Superior sway..." Comment edited on: 6/13/2010 2:21:58 PM Report Inappropriate Comment |
|
MORTICIAADDAMS
6/13/2010 1:25PM
|
|
Love is not about looks. That is infatuation. Looks fade. People age. Beauty is fleeting. Find someone who loves you for who you are and not what you look like. You deserve that.
Report Inappropriate Comment |
|
JANB63
6/13/2010 12:51PM
|
 |
Miss Pookiepup, you are never really alone. You may not have someone by your side right now but be thankful that your boyfriend left. He doesn't deserve you!! You are beautiful inside regardless of how the outside looks. I live by myself however I know I have a higher power that is always with me. The good lord will never give us more than we can handle. Have you ever thought; maybe you need to start loving yourself now so you will be prepared for your new body? We all have to have our pity party so enjoy it today but in the morning put that smile on and bring happiness to someone. You have no idea how many people you touch and help. JanB Report Inappropriate Comment |
|
TYMPANI
6/13/2010 12:08PM
|
 |
*tightHUG* Dear PookiePup, You are hurting. You need understanding, love, and support right now. Please be gentle with You, and give yourself that understanding, acceptance, love, and care that you would give another in your shoes. How far you've come, and how many lives you've touched. You shine so bright! This trial has revealed the inability of one person to weather whatever challenges life may bring. That leaves you free to find one who will. But please, do so for yourself, first. Love You. We're cheering you on. Shoulders to lean on. Discover the beauty that is You. Report Inappropriate Comment |
|
YASMINSHORTER
6/13/2010 11:20AM
|
 |
I agree with all of your other SPARK friends, you are beautiful, even if you don't see it just now! Take this to your doctor! It will help your case, these feelings are caused by something that CAN be done, if you ask for a referral to speak with a counsellor you will a) have yet another person fighting your corner for the surgery and b) horrible to say -but they will see you in terms of cost ie/ paying to send you to a counsellor, more cost effective to just give you the surgery -sounds harsh but you KNOW the NHS works this way it's all about the pound baby! :-( and c) speaking to a counsellor might actually help! win win situation of sorts! I really hope that you find your inner beauty soon and I also hope that you get your surgery just as soon! My thoughts and happy vibes are coming your way! Report Inappropriate Comment |
|
WARMSPRINGDAY
6/13/2010 10:38AM
|
 |
Wow, I am so sorry you are having such a tough time right now at a time that you should be celebrating. But I will be honest, I can't say that I don't have fears about the same thing when I have lost all the weight I want to lose. So I am not going to try to down play your right to feeling this way. However, let me remind you that YOU ARE BEAUTIFUL! Your beauty does not come from how you look. Your beauty comes from inside of you - that strength and determination that has brought you so far in this journey. That is you! The body is just a shell. This is a new phase in your life. Sometimes when we reach a goal, it is time to re-assess and set some new goals. Reach deep within yourself to the same place you find the determination to say "no" to that unhealthy food, or "yes" to that 12 minute mile. In that same place, you will find you have the strength to go on in spite of what is happening in your life. You will find the strength to develop new interests and new friends. And maybe down the road, there will be someone who loves you for who you are inside that you can share yourself with. But if not, be proud of what you have accomplished and what you have done. Hurting with you!
Report Inappropriate Comment |
|
WISEONE68
6/13/2010 10:11AM
|
 |
There is someone out there for everyone...at least that is what I have been told all my life. I am 42 and never been married--a couple times a boyfriend mentioned it, but nothing ever materialized. We are all hurting in some way, shape, or form. All that emotion can be used to get you going in another direction--take that pain, hurt, saddness, and channel it into your workouts and, if possible, a business adventure. If you can begin to raise SOME of the funds--perhaps some of your "reconstruction" can happen sooner. I don't know how your national health insurance works--but, our medicaid is a "tough nut to crack" when it comes to things "cosmetic". When they can be determined by more than one doctor to be "health impacting" or "life threatening", medicaid will help. Well, my sister was obese for years...in 1983 she had been fighting for 5 years to get gastric bypass surgery (she was on medicaid at the time). She was denied time and time again. Finally, she was able to come up with some money (my brother was tragically killed and we all received some of his life insurance money). She went to them with the funds SHE had and they agreed to pay for the rest. She got her surgery... Her boyfriend, finacee, and now, husband, stayed with her--despite the skin folds, etc. He is precious to all of us! There is someone out there for everyone---Mr. Right will find you--do not settle for Mr. Right Now...he will disappoint and will take you for granted. You are a truly special woman--you need a special guy!! Hang in there--cry your tears, hit your pillow, scream and yell--but, then---remember who you are and how far you have come. Still farther to go---but, another saying I remember--- Every destination becomes a point of departure...there is still more journey to come... You can do this...You are stronger than you know...You deserve it, too!!! Blessings, Friend!!
Report Inappropriate Comment |
|
MANDYDE
6/13/2010 10:11AM
|
 |
Ahh I feel for you and send you a massive hug - you are doing so amazingly well and have inspired so many of us on this site - and will continue to do so. Give yourself some love - although it might not feel like it now, everything happens for a reason and that special person that deserves you is out there somewhere.
Report Inappropriate Comment |
|
MAMAK34
6/13/2010 9:08AM
|
|
I think you're hurting right now, and a lot of that pain is being reflected in this post. However, I speak from actual experience here when I say there really IS someone out there who will look at you, flaws and all, and think that you are the most amazing thing EVER to have come into existence.
Report Inappropriate Comment |
|
SLUMBERINGLOTUS
6/13/2010 9:07AM
|
|
This is one of my giant giant fears. I mean hugely giant because I can see it happening already, BUT... I have a secret idea, that I am going to share with you. I heard from a friend a good idea and I want to do it. I want to donate my skin to burn victims. Then not only have I done something good for me... I will have helped someone that was in need of it. I am well aware that I might be scarred from the procedure, but... it will be my badges of honor because I did something for me and I helped someone at the same time. You might be able to find a burn hospital by you and maybe they can find someone to donate their time to take the skin in the idea of donating it. I plan on contacting a local burn center myself when I reach that point. *hugs* and your outside might not be reflecting your insides right now, but pookie you are beautiful to the core. Sending you love and all the support I can. Report Inappropriate Comment |
|
KATFOSTER11
6/13/2010 9:07AM
|
 |
Please know that you are an inspiration!! With getting healthy and doing the right thing for you...not for anyone else. I still harbor a lot of self-doubt. I am trying to work through that. The story of your journey helps me with that! I can understand the extra skin thing can be horrible. I haven't reached that yet. But I am so glad to hear that your doctor is fighting for you. It's just another challenge you can conquer!! Thank you for being an inspiration!! Report Inappropriate Comment |
|
CHICAT63
6/13/2010 8:45AM
|
|
I know you are hurting right now, nonetheless what the others have said rings so true. This now Ex-boyfriend was not meant to be for various reasons as you know it is so important to have the full support of our partner when we embark on this journey which you have been very successful. The same goes for the excess skin, with the help & support of your Dr. it will get done, sincerely I know 2 years might seem a lot but it will go by fast you'll see. I know in the interim it is difficult to "expose yourself " to others, the right man or boyfriend will look past that and see YOU and only YOU. Thank you for sharing as we are all supporting you even in our virtual online little community. Take care, Josée
Report Inappropriate Comment |
|
BLAKBIRD
6/13/2010 8:39AM
|
|
Stop right there. That's the emotion of the moment talking, not the brave determined young lady that set out on this journey, acheived and surpassed all but two of her goals. One to knock 'em dead in a bikini and the other much more rewarding and worthwhile to have a baby. Let's deal with the second first, you are barely into your thirties, you are just reaching prime child bearing time of your life. A lot of people, my wife and I included, deliberately wait until our 30's because it's the mature adult thing to do, kids shouldn't be raising babies. Second, two years will pass really quickly for you, keeping the weight off isn't that just a case of exercising that phenomenal will power and applying what you have learned and mastered about yourself and living a healthy life style. Oh and I'd like to offer one piece of advice for when your bf comes smiffing around when are swelt and super sexy. Tell him to Piss Off. Miss PookiePup, You have acheived so much don't let it all go because there are people out there that don't see past the packaging. Listen to your SP friends, Especially those that have faced the same challenges as you. Take heart and inspiration from friends like New-Caz. Oh and you young lady must learn to look past your mirror and see your own radiant beauty. Help that super model to the surface, she's already evident in your face and heart, your will power and acheivements, the inspiration motivation and encouragment you give others every day.
Report Inappropriate Comment |
|
MEAN_CHRISTINE
6/13/2010 8:20AM
|
|
I hate to see that this is so upsetting for you. It seems so unfair! I think its incredible what you have accomplished on your own. I know it must be hard with such a drastic change to your body. I have noticed with just the little weight that I have lost what my skin looks like now. But the best part of what you have done is that you are healthy. I know that you look at yourself and feel they way you do and it is understandable. But you just have to remember that you have come soooooo far. You have done something that many people can never imagine doing. If your boyfriend wasn't supportive with how you are now especially from where you came from, then he might not be the one for you. You will find someone special. Someone that will be awed and inspired by your journey and proud to be with your for such accomplishments! Just remember that you your journey isn't over. It's just beginning. You are on the path now to reaching emotional health. To be happy and healthy with yourself and how you look. If you have corrective surgey to fix what you believe is wrong, remember that you still need to change your mindset. You are a beautiful woman that has done great things and will continue to do great things. I started seeing a therapist to help with my self esteem. It's been doing great things and was the pushing point for me to get serious about my weight loss. If you ever need someone to talk to feel free to message me. Good luck with everything and don't sweat being alone. Being alone sucks at time but it also allows you to be open to finding that special someone!
Report Inappropriate Comment |
|
HHOUSE8
6/13/2010 8:16AM
|
|
Hey there, PookiePup... Feelin' your pain over here from across the pond. I can't say 'I know exactly how you feel' as I know there's simply no way I possibly could. We're each walking our own unique paths. I have loads of compassion for you in the midst of what sounds like a big internal conflict. I've seen your commitment - not just to your own journey towards a healthy body, but also to supporting others on that journey. You're always encouraging others, sharing yourself, sending goodies - you're THE BEST in that way. My wish for you is that you choose (as it's always a choice you can make) to love and support yourself in the same way you so brilliantly love and support all of us out here struggling away on our own paths. Part of the conflict I hear is that inner conflict between the part of you that says 'I'm so proud, I've come so far'... and the part that says "Yeah, but so what... it's not good enough... it'll take forever... you'll never be perfect" etc. Not to psychoanalyze or anything, but I really believe that second part (we all have one - or two or three or 37!) really just wants to keep you from suffering any hurt/pain/abandonment etc. The beautiful being that is PookiePup can totally handle this. You can/will find a way to shift the way you're looking at you. You'll find that love and acceptance for yourself - ALL of you. It's a journey that may take some time... may take some forgiveness.... may take some tears and laughter... and yet, you will find the way. 
Report Inappropriate Comment |
|
ADELE66
6/13/2010 7:10AM
|
 |
Agh... I feel for you so much, I really do. But maybe this is the new project for you. You have been successful losing weight, you've done an amazing job. Maybe now is the time to focus on your insides.. your feelings. I'm alone too, and I know how that feels, but the best thing that you can do for yourself right now, is try and celebrate the good things about being single and independent.... .... this too shall pass... Hugsss to you... :o) Report Inappropriate Comment |
|
COOLMAMA11
6/13/2010 6:25AM
|
|
Pookie, 125 lbs, wow girl, you should be sooo proud of yourself! I'm sorry to hear of your break up, but maybe he just wasn't the right one, I always feel everything happens for a reason, and when one door is closed another will open. Like one lady said, you did the major part, now is the fine tuning, and believe me girl you can do it. I identify with your loose skin, but mine is from getting older plus trying to get weight off, I'm 65 and just shudder when I see how wrinkled my arms and legs are getting! I just have to learn that this is part of my aging process, but hey I don't have to like it lol! I hope everything works out for you, and remember your whole being doesn't consist of a bit of loose skin, you have a lot to offer the right person! Hugs Elaine 
Report Inappropriate Comment |
|
FITKAT2010
6/13/2010 6:21AM
|
 |
You have the opportunity right now to realize that you are on your own, yes, but now you have the opportunity to discover a new you. A new you that doesn't identify the source of your self esteem outside yourself. A new you that doesn't limit your esteem to your body. The body will always let you down. Another person cannot give you what you need the most: self love and self respect. Find it inside you where it has always and will always be. The journey is not outwards seeking something that you already have within. It is inwards, to the Source of all that you are searching for. Berating yourself is a knee-jerk reaction to grief. With all the weight that you lost, you lost what you knew to be who you thought you were. That in itself will lead to grief. Find the new you. Find it within. Report Inappropriate Comment |
|
MACKANDME
6/13/2010 5:51AM
|
 |
Oh my friend, I am with you. But with exercise we can work on our hidden faults. Be patient.
Report Inappropriate Comment |
|
SCREWIE
6/13/2010 5:41AM
|
 |
Well done on the weight loss Pookiepup! Sad to hear abut your split, but really, did you want to be with someone who values you according to what you look like and thinks that some loose skin is more important that the terrific weight loss for your own health? I know how you feel about your bat wings and the rest because I'm in the exact same position and I can't really look at myself in the mirror with my clothes off, but when that happens I remind myself of the weight I've lost and how much fitter I feel. If you have to wait two years for surgery, it's possible that by the time that comes up your skin has partly got better by itself, adjusting to the new body, and also that you've improved things through strength training. I know my skin flaps are due to the fact I've lost weight without strength training, just doing cardio, because my legs are actually ok due to walking and cycling, it's the top half of my body that's flapping about. Some times ago I talked to a friend about this, how good I felt after losing so much weight, but that I hated the way I looked now because of the loose skin. His reply was: "Well, put it like this: so far you've done the major works, now you're going to do the fine tuning and build up muscle". How wise! I hope you can also start to look at it like that, you just need fine tuning, but you rock any way! Hugs. Report Inappropriate Comment |
|
NEW-CAZ
6/13/2010 4:55AM
|
|
Pookie I am SO sorry to hear you have split from your boyfriend over this, what a terrible shame. You have come so far hun and I understand totally but you know what everyone has imperfections that we hope will be overlooked by our other halves and we wonder at times what they find attractive about us. Convinced we're the ugliest person on Earth. I have a medical problem that until my brain op 3 years ago had my face twitching uncontrollably and unable to sit or stand or walk with my head to one side and my speech was muffled, my other half stuck with me- even though I pushed him away repeatedly. Now I've had surgery and all is well, I'm not perfect by any means but who is? What I'm trying to say, in my clumsy way, is I hung in there and you must too! You have so much to offer the right person, and you've come so far. There is someone out there for you, who will love you, warts and all Take care babe
Report Inappropriate Comment |
|
SWEETSARAH_54
6/13/2010 4:09AM
|
 |
Hi. I'm so sorry that you're feeling down about yourself. Your blog really made me sad for you. Not because I think you are unlovable but because I know you feel that way. When I met my now husband I had lost over 120 pounds after being overweight pretty much all my life. Let me tell you, things were not looking pretty. Revealing my true self to him was one of the hardest things I've ever done in my life. The thought of rejection and what someone else will think is a hard one. But, to my surprise he loved me despite my own personal feelings about my physical appearance. And now nine years later he's still here. I've since had a baby and gained that weight back and then some and he's loving me just the same. The right person is out there for you!!! If you feel that you need to get surgery then pursue that if it makes you happy. But I'm telling you from the bottom of my heart you are attractive and lovable as you are. I'm sure this doesn't mean much coming from a total stranger, but I've always found in my own life that an outsiders perspective is helpful. Let me end by saying that I'm totally impressed by your success and find it very uplifting as I'm starting a new weight loss journey in my own life. I wish you all the best!!!
Report Inappropriate Comment |
