Monday, February 27, 2012
I walked three miles in one hour today on the treadmill at 1.0 elevation. I did not get out of breath, I even talked to the gal on the treadmill next to me helping her with some questions she had about starting up her treadmill...NEWBIES, haha, (got just a little out of breath but was able to talk decently). I am getting stronger and faster on that treadmill and wanted to note that in a blog. I have been pushing myself to go beyond limits I just haven't done in over 15 years. My next goal is to do a mile in 15 minutes, and work it up to where I will make it a whole hour. Maybe I'll be able to do a 5k soon...that would be so awesome!
Saturday, February 25, 2012
This is my blog and how it is for me with them...Right before Christmas my brothers wife of three years says how my family is so quiet and reserved and hers is so lively and talkative. At their (my brother and wife) sons 2 yr old birthday party yesturday, my sister n laws two brothers and their wives, all sat at opposite corners, not interacting, not even with eachother, me and my mom, my dad, my daughter are all talking with sis n laws dad and mom. Who's family is quiet and reserved? Sitting there stone faced not even conversing together, I wondered if they all had a fight actually. They all left early too. Don't talk my family down and yours up when actually your family is the dud!!! Don't like fabricated stories!!!! Then I get home and my niece who live three hours away, has on facebook a Happy Birthday to her cousin and says thanks to my sis n law for lunch last Saturday while her and her boyfriend had been here for the wknd. I said on there "Oh you were here last wknd? I would have loved to see you and meet your boyfriend:)" and left it at that. Long story short, her and her mom(my sister) have honed in on my brother and his wife and here is the kicker, I am only a block away. Don't know why exactly she didn't let me know she was in town and they left me out. Nice, huh? Then my mom was talking behind my other sisters back. My mom plays games this way, pegging everyone against eachother, three out of five of us fall for this manipulitive behavior. Guess what? I'm not the one who does, sister with the niece who left me out and sister n law and my brother, absolutely play this up...and once again I am left out. What's that God says? How many times do you forgive, seventy x's seven? So I will work this out yet again, but honestly do I have to be a part of this family? This is emotional abuse as far as I am concerned, I am uninterested, and want out!!! Obviously there is whole lot more behind the years of things that have been going on. And last night some more things surfaced of fabricated belittling, and leaving me out (abandonment) these happen all the time in different realms. I have discovered this past year alot of my families verbal, emotional, and mental abusiveness that has been going on, unbeknownst to me, because when I don't behave that way, but I found out that I have been the victimized one in it, because of law of attraction to this, the family picks out one person and they are off like a race horse with it...Now that I know what it is I am trying to stop myself from falling into the codependant behavior, I do have to practice at it and also it still hurts. But sometimes I get tired of holding my chin up and trying...and today is one of them, it is the most lonely place I (or a person) can be in. I hate being conditionly loved, and I hate being played like a chess piece. It's wrong and I just don't want family. I am so totally abandoned its emotionally stressing to me today. And other days, I am like have fun with yourselves! But today is not good....
Monday, February 20, 2012
It's been 10 weeks since I wrote my blog about where I would be, and I was sure right about how time flies! I am proud of myself, I have worked very hard with getting in my workouts and changing my eating habits. Eating cleaner and healthier, watching what and how much I eat. I work out everyday I can, with a really good workout. Month of January got in 1000 fitness minutes. I have been pushing myself with getting stronger on the elliptical machine. Now, I need to make sure I get in my strength training each week. So I am making huge changes. I can tell inside my body the changes are there. I no longer crave foods. I no longer crave naps. I crave to go workout. I crave eating cleaner. I no longer night time snack, I have tea instead. I have more mental clarity. The only thing is why isn't there a weight loss to show how hard I have worked? I have only lost 7.5 pounds, the true 10 week weight loss will actually take place in two days. I have to say that the weekends are too socially out of control yet! I am not strict enough or disciplined with myself on the weekends, and so all my efforts during the week are out the window. I do not lose total control on the weekends, but its enough to not let me lose more than I have. That's where I really need to figure out my game plan and not budge. So, that has been my last 10 weeks in a nutshell. Am I proud of myself, absolutely, am I going to continue to make the next 10 weeks even better, yes! My team was to blog about our 10 week challenge and to say our successes, and to tell what we could do better. So there you go. Now to nip my wknds in the buttola!
Tuesday, January 17, 2012
For my Lemon Team we have a project of setting five goals for our ownselves to strive for. For our own personal development, not for anyone else just me, time to take care of me!
1) Drink eight glasses of water daily
2) Excersize cardiovascularly for 30 minutes 5 days a week
3) Strength train 2 times a week
4) Make sure my schedule to take care of me comes before anyone else's
5) To practice on the elliptical machine with pushing myself so I will be able to do a full workout on it.
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