--KREN   31,166
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Trying to Explain Myself!

Sunday, December 04, 2011

I'm going to make this really simple.

Go to your pantry and pick up 3 or 4 canned items. I just picked up a Campbell's Cream of Chicken Soup, Ranch Style Pinto Beans, Amy's OrganicTomato Bisque Soup, Del Monte Summer Crisp Corn..

Look at the labels on Your items. Labels in the US are uniform, per standards set by the FDA.

On the label of any item, you'll see Total Carbohydrates - Under that Dietary Fiber - Under that SUGARS. These are PER Serving.

Cream of Chicken Soup - 1 gm
Pinto Beans 1 gm
Corn 4 gms
Amy's Soup 14 gms!

None of these items are "sweets". All of these items have SUGARS. We don't have to agonize over dextrose, sucrose or glucose, or if all carbs have sugars or not. What I'm looking for is right there in the little box labled SUGARS.


SP Nutrition Info knows this too. Any item here includes SUGARS. You can see that when you look at the Nutrition Info for each item. It's listed just like the labels on products. But when you add the item to a meal, the SUGARS are no where to be found in any summary on the tracker page.

Thank you all so much for worrying over my frustration. I'm going to stop now because I can't believe how many people don't understand this simple problem on SP.

It's really a technical problem about the way SP transfers data from its Nutrition Info and puts it on your Tracker page.

All the info is there. SP knows it. The computer knows it. WE know it when we read the Nutrition Data of each item.

ALL I WANT IS FOR THAT LITTLE BOX LABELED "SUGARS" TO BE TOTALLED ON MY TRACKER.

This is the last I'll say on the subject of trying to track the SUGAR in my diet.

I guess I just thought that a site that focuses on Health and Fitness would give us a Food Tracker that includes grams of sugar in our diet.

I love all things SPARK! It's the best site around. But I still think it's important to track sugars. I'll just continue to add it up on an old piece of paper at the end of every day, since my Tracker won't calculate it.


Have a wonderful week and Watch those grams of sugar!

Karen

  
  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

SILLYHP1953 12/7/2011 2:36PM

    Have you posted this comment on the spark technical message boards? Maybe if we all mentioned it to them. Not all carbs are created equal, that's for sure.

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MORTICIAADDAMS 12/6/2011 11:19PM

    This is a great site but it's not based on a healthy diet per se. They promote a liberal carb regular diet basically.

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THISISIT-PA 12/4/2011 9:32PM

    Unless a product claims to be "sugar-free" or "reduced sugar", the maker does not have to include the grams of sugar on the label.

It's explained here:

http://www.sparkpeople
.com/community/help_answer.asp?
id=120

(full text of the article)

Q. Why can't I track sugar on my SparkPeople Nutrition Tracker?

A. While you can add a large variety of vitamins and nutrients to your SparkPeople Nutrition Tracker (click here to learn how), sugar is not one of them. There are several reasons why you can't track sugars.

First, sugars are a newer addition to nutrition labels. Like fiber, you'll find sugars listed underneath carbohydrates on the nutrition facts label, but sugars are not required to be listed on all food labels. Only products that make a claim about sugar or sugar alcohols on their package (such as "sugar free" or "reduced sugar") must list the sugar content (in grams) on the nutrition facts label. Foods and products that contain sugars but do not make any sugar-related claims do NOT have to list sugars on their label. Because of this, it is impossible to get an accurate picture of what you're really eating.

In addition, SparkPeople's nutrition experts do not recommend tracking this particular nutrient because it is misleading. Most carbohydrate-containing foods contain sugar. But the sugars listed on a nutrition facts label are NOT added sugars, as one might think. For example, fruit naturally contains the sugar fructose. Milk and other dairy products naturally contain lactose, which contributes 12 grams of sugar per cup of milk. None of this is added sugar, yet it is treated the same way on a nutrition facts label as table sugar or corn syrup.

If you are concerned about your total sugar intake, Registered Dietitian Becky Hand usually suggests that you track total carbohydrates and keep those in a healthy level, as indicated by your nutrition plan. And everyone should make a conscious effort to limit sweets, candy, pie, cookies, syrup, jams, soda and other refined sugars.


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FISHINGLADY66 12/4/2011 9:10PM

    I tatally agree. I have always wondered why sugar was not tracked on my nutrition. Since I am not Diabetic, I never gave it much more thought. I do watch my sugar consumption. I use the WW tracking and points system, therefore not paying much attention to the Spark People tracker, even tho I enter my food there, just for comparison. You are a smart little cookie.. (so to speak)

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GEMINIAN1 12/4/2011 3:39PM

    I believe, I totally understand what you are saying.
I agree with you.
Spark People lumps together "Sugar Grams" AND "Fiber" and calls it "Carbs"; in my opinion, they should *NOT* do that, no way. It doesn't even make any common sense to do that.
You want Sugar alone, separated out, I get it. What you're saying makes sense.
emoticon
... "We don't have to agonize over dextrose, sucrose or glucose"
I hear you ... loud and clear ... loud and clear.

Also, lets not agonize over, what food "turns into" after you eat it.
I mean if we're going to start "getting into that", that is a whole other Can of Worms!
I've heard people say, "Oh counting Sugar Grams doesn't mater because this and that 'turns into sugar' after you eat it" that is, so much, *not* the point here. Not the point.

In my opinion, you're asking for a very basic thing that somehow has turned into a very complicated thing, when it doesn't need to be ... at all.

I understand your frustration, I'm feeling it too my friend.
emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon

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JUDY1676 12/4/2011 1:36PM

    You are so right and if you are diabetic, it's really importamt!

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MELLISOND 12/4/2011 11:30AM

    Thanks for this info...I had not considered it before.

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-LINDA_S 12/4/2011 10:45AM

    Hmmm...never really occurred to me that sugar isn't tracked. I try pretty hard to avoid it. I do know that if it's low in carbs, it has to be low in sugar, too. I think it would be great if net carbs could be tracked, too. I dropped the diabetic plan because I knew the carb range was waaayyy too high for me. Almond Breeze makes some nice unsweetened "milks" that are very low in carbs and sugar. It frustrates me very much that fat is totally vilified here but sugar is generally fine in most of the recipes, like that one for chocolate meringues. A cup and a half of sugar? Really? I'm so tired of "low-fat" being equated with healthy. Sorry, getting a little off-track here. But I certainly agree we should be able to track sugar.

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FITB4-40 12/4/2011 9:55AM

    You're right, it should be easy enough to track. The information is there. However, I question whether there is any difference between grams of sugar and grams of carbohydrates ( with the exception of fiber) since it all turns to sugar in our bodies. As a diabetic, total carbs is the number I focus on.

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BUGLET- 12/4/2011 9:28AM

    You are right! I always loved milk, in fact, I wondered if I was addicted to it and I never could figure out why. Then my hubby became a diabetic and I started realizing how much sugar there is in things. I now know there is a lot of sugar in milk and I don't drink it much anymore. Instead I drink Silk Pure Almond and it's only 35 calories and 1 carb, 1 fiber. My fitday doesn't have sugar listed either and I'm out of Silk so I can't see how much sugar is in it. This is my theory, you know how things go, do you suppose the sugar industry has something to do with this? Remember Cyclamates? It tasted just like sugar, no after taste, the sugar industry got it banned because they feared the competition...
Just a thought.
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GABY1948 12/4/2011 8:52AM

    I do SO understand and I am WITH you! I want to do it now too!!!!!

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DGAIL51 12/4/2011 8:37AM

    I absolutely agree.... sugar (of all things) should be tracked! Sugars & fat (which is tracked) are the most detrimental things in our foods. Of course, we need some fat for proper bodily functions.

Anything we can do to facilitate a possible change??? I too love SP (& my team), but that seems like a huge deficit to not be able to track sugar.

Thank you for bringing this to our attention.

Donna

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SUGAR! and the Spark People Tracker

Saturday, December 03, 2011

After gathering comments from SP members about this topic, I am better able to summarize my issue:
IF AN INGREDIENT IS ON THE SP "NUTRITION INFO" FOR A FOOD ITEM, IT SHOULD SURELY BE TRACKABLE ON THE SP NUTRITION DAILY LOG.

Really, it's a simple matter of transfer of data. The data is there in the nutritional info of each food item. It needs to be transferred to the daily food tracker when we add the item to our meal.
Look up an apple. Look at nutritional info. See the entry for SUGAR.
That info just needs to be transferred to the daily food tracker when we add the apple to our meal.
The protein info is added.
The fat info is added.
Etc. Etc.
Why not the sugar info?

---------------------------

I've been reading about nutrition a lot lately and one area of focus is SUGAR. We do seem to love it, don't we?

I read that eating sugar stimulates the same area in the brain that is stimulated by cocaine, heroin and nicotine. Scary, hmmm? Also, eating sugar makes us want more sugar. The more we eat, the more we want, just like those other substances that are not good for your health.

There is no Recommended Daily Allowance (RDA) for sugar. No one has ever said to you, "You need more sugar in your diet", have they? However, I think if we are on a journey to optimal health, we might want to know how much sugar we are really eating, don't you think?

www.sugarstacks.com/fruits.htm
This link just gives the sugar breakdown for a few fruits. It doesn't mention fiber or pectin or any of the other really good things in fruit, but it does give you an idea of the amount of sugar.

I think we all realize that many canned and frozen items contain sugar, even the ones we don't think of as "sweets". So you look at frozen dinners and canned veggies, etc. and check the labels for the grams of sugar inside.

This is all leading up to my QUESTION:

Why doesn't Spark People's nutrition log track grams of sugar? I found that I can add "sucrose" to the nutrients I want to track, but that is only one type of sugar, and after adding it to my list of items to track, I added 10 cups of various fruits to My Nutrition log for today (just to get an idea of the nutrients in various fruits) and only 1 gram of Sucrose showed up. I also found fructose and dextrose but still, there is no TOTAL for SUGAR, even though sugar grams are calculated when you look at the individual nutrition breakdown for each fruit.

When I look at the nutritional info on one medium apple, the SP NUTRITIONAL INFO says there is a little over 13 grams of sugar in it, but I can't seem to track that on my TOTALS for the day. What am I missing?

www.webmd.com/diet/features/sugar-fi
x
This link talks about sugar and that we shouldn't get more than 10% of our calories from it in any given day. (About 50 gms in a 2000 calorie diet.)

Sugar is important. I personally believe it doesn't add anything healthy to our diet and we need to try hard to avoid it because it’s like ingesting slow acting poison. (Not that I’m always able to practice what I preach, but that’s my goal, lol.) I just want to know how to easily track the total on my nutrition report. I think it would be an eye opener, just like when you first began tracking calories and were so AMAZED at how much you were eating.

Anyone have the answer?

Do YOU track the amount of sugar you eat each day?

Karen, trying to be sugar-free.

  
  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

SILLYHP1953 12/7/2011 2:31PM

    I'm trying to be sugar free, too. I read a book years ago called Sugar Blues and it really opened my eyes. The first "diet" I ever tried was the South Beach diet, and for the first two week you aren't allowed any fruit due to the high sugar content. You aren't allowed a lot of other things the first two weeks, either, and amazingly after 3-4 days I had NO MORE cravings!! It was a miraculous feeling. I never really wanted fruit that much before those two weeks, but afterwards it became one of my favorite foods, and still is. I even told my doctor to test me for diabetes because of how much sugar affects me, but I'm not diabetic.

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MORTICIAADDAMS 12/6/2011 11:16PM

    I totally agree and probably am even more adamant about sugar because I'm a nurse. The stuff is as evil as transfat and we need to keep it as low as possible unless it's coming from something healthy like veggies, dairy, or fruit. I monitor my carbs and realize they are sugar. Eventually it all converts to sugar even it it's complex.

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DEC2DEC 12/4/2011 10:27AM

    On SparkPeople you can track total carbohydrate and fiber. Subtract the fiber from the total carbohydrate to get "net carbs," which is essentially sugar. If you're counting carbs, net carbs is what you want to count.

I, personally, try to keep my net carbs below 30 because I am diabetic. A lot of people find between 50 and 100 net carbs a day is the sweet spot. I also choose not to consume any added sugar six days per week -- meaning I make almost all my food, and I don't eat anything processed that includes sugar in the ingredients.

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BUGLET- 12/4/2011 9:36AM

    What an interesting thought~I've never given it more than a passing thought except how much there is in milk. I hope somewhere we can find a calorie counter that totals our sugar input..
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MAMABUGAZ 12/4/2011 12:35AM

    Kren --
I have not used this feature for sugar, but ...,
you can track glucose, fructose, sucrose.

Go to your Nutrition Tracker.
Near the bottom right, click on "Chage Nutrition Goals".
Clcik on "Add Another Nutrient to Track".
That will take you to the "Add Nutrients" page, and, you can choose which sugars you wish to track.

I haven't tried it, so I'm not sure if all of those sugars show up in the foods we enter or not.

~ Faith

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THISISIT-PA 12/3/2011 6:01PM

    http://www.sparkpeople.com/communit
y/help_answer.asp?id=120
>This article explains why. I remember wondering the same thing when I was diagnosed with diabetes.

Comment edited on: 12/3/2011 6:04:56 PM

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VINGRAM 12/3/2011 1:51PM

    Didn't know there is no tracker for sugar. That seems totally weird to me. Hope you get a good answer -- I'll be watching to see what others say.

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SOUPY18 12/3/2011 1:42PM

    Karen,
Thank you for the information and the various links.
Sue

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FISHINGLADY66 12/3/2011 1:35PM

    Very interesting Karen. I don't track my sugar intake. I don't eat sweets at all, but I know there is sugar in some of the packaged foods I eat. Thanks to making me aware of this concept. I did read the thread you posted about this subject.

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KICK-SS 12/3/2011 1:04PM

    I've been working at getting sugar completely out of my diet as well and I watch the labels on foods and if sugar (of any type) is anywhere near the top, I don't get it or use it anymore. As far as brown sugar like Chica_Boricua noted, it's my understanding that the brown sugars are nothing more than white sugar with a little molasses or something added to make them brown and "flavored" light or dark.

The only sugar I have in any form is coconut sugar crystals, it's a lot lower on the glycemic index (so they say) I bought some "just because" I had to try it. I seldom use it at all though, just once in a great while.

About the only fruits I eat anymore are berries and not many of those. I do put some in a protein smoothie on occasion.........

I think we all get too much sugar in our diets, then we get this insatiable sweet tooth.. It's wonderful not dealing with that anymore........

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GEMINIAN1 12/3/2011 1:01PM

    I emoticon "I Liked This Blog!"

No, I, personally, do not Track my sugar, just because I know from the type of foods I am eating I am totally okay.
HOWEVER, I feel that "Sugar Grams" should be Track-able by those that want to because "Sugar Grams" are listed on FDA "Nutritional Lists".

I can hear the cheers from Diabetics everywhere ... :-)

Thank you for Blog'ing about this.
emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon

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NETTIEDEE 12/3/2011 12:39PM

    I read Dr. David Kessler's "The End of Overeating" at the beginning of this year. It is an AMAZING book. Ever since then I simply STOPPED using sweetners of any kind (read: sugar, chemical sweetners, etc.), stopped buying prepared foods (unless the "sugar grams" is zero), and started getting my palate used to appreciate the sweetness of fruit.

It took a bit to get used to it but now I "sweeten" my cereal with 1/8 cup of dried fruit, rarely use honey (the only sweetner I was actually using this year), and will have a Tbsp of low-sugar preserves as a treat once in a month or two.

Fast forward to today, for the first time in the last 10 years I have normal blood sugar levels; they were always "just a bit too high." And, on the rare occasion when I buy fruit juice, I always have to cut it with water to cut out the sweetness.

I wish SP helped me track sugar grams...but my natural approach to eating takes care of limiting the sugar I consume so, in the long run, it doesn't much matter.

Comment edited on: 12/3/2011 12:44:07 PM

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DGAIL51 12/3/2011 12:28PM

    Hmmmm.... thought provoking for certain. I do love fruit & make an effort to include fruits in my diet. I find they are especially good to substitute for nutrient empty sweets which I have a weakness for. I have to avoid citrus fruits b/c of heatburn, but I do find that I feel better when I have a yogurt and fruit smoothie for breakfast, more than anything else i have tried.

Junk sugary foods are certainly to be avoided.... thanks for the reminders. I certainly need the old Gibbs slap up the back of the head now & then (NCIS fans know what I mean) LOL

Donna

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WOUBBIE 12/3/2011 11:27AM

    Really interesting! I hadn't thought about how the tracker registers sugar, since I only really look at the carbs and fiber regularly.

I get a lot of flak for shunning fruits. First, they give me wicked heartburn, so I've avoided them for years anyway. And second, there's nothing you get from fruit that you can't get from veggies. Except less sugar.

Modern fruits are not the same as their original counterparts. They've been hybridized and bred over centuries to be sweeter and sweeter and have less fiber in them. If you've ever picked and eaten a wild strawberry you'll understand the difference immediately!

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NELLJONES 12/3/2011 10:58AM

    There are so many kinds of sugar, which are tracked as carbs right along with fiber. It would be impossible to be completely accurate. Every apple is different, every stalk of broccoli or potato. Diabetics track either "carbs" or "carb exchanges". Then there is the concept of "glycemic index", which tries to indicate the rapidity of metabolization of the carb: rice is higher than fruit which is higher than vegetables. You can drive yourself crazy with it. This is why I like exchanges. I eat 6 a day when I have to knock back a little, or 7-8 when I am happily maintaining. I don't care if it's potato or pasta or winter squash or peas. I get 2-3 fruits a day (weighed because 1 fruit is only 4 oz of apple: try to find a 4 oz apple!) and unlimited non-bread veggies. I know that if I stick to the exchange lists it all works out well in the end. Of course, there's no room for packaged or snack food, and precious little for desserts, but that's ok. I think too many people think that if something's "healthy" that you can eat as much as you want, but, alas, it isn't true for weight controllers.

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GABY1948 12/3/2011 10:47AM

    This was an outstanding blog! Absolutely outstanding and it gave me lots to think about...I also would like to track sugars in my diet. Though I try to stay away from KNOWN sugar and sugar foods. Ever since beginning spark, my interest in foods and nutrition has taken a new level. I would really love to be a dietician but at 63 I guess I won't go back to school now.

Thanks for such a great thought provoking blog. I will be watching your blogs for sure for more on this and if I find something I will send it along! emoticon

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CHICA_BORICUA 12/3/2011 10:09AM

  talking about sugar, have you tried light brown sugar or dark brown sugar, I stopped buying regular sugar and the flavor in food specially in oatmeals is incredible and in coffee as well. Also I stopped using Splenda.

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LRK4CHRIST 12/3/2011 10:02AM

    I don't track my sugar intake. But I do monitor what I eat and what I want. For example, if I want something sweet, I will eat something sweet but I will make sure it's healthy. I think it would be good to track sugar intake, but then again, if I stick to my daily necessary food amounts of protein, fat and carbs then I will be fine.

I pray this was helpful. May U have continued success!

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Has THE BINGE begun?

Sunday, November 27, 2011

You KNOW what binge I mean. The Holiday Binge.

Most of us, be honest, start at Thanksgiving, with all the pies and dressings and varieties of starchy, sugary foods, and eat our way right through Christmas to New Years!

I've done that soooooooooo many times in the past.

Then we see the New Year and we make New Resolutions. How much more ahead of the game would we be if we didn't have to spend months erasing our holiday binge?

I'm inviting you all, encouraging you all, daring you all, to STOP the holiday binge this year, BEFORE it starts.

Of course, you know, the person I'm inviting, encouraging and daring the most, is ME.

LOL.

Gotta pay attention, stay aware, push away, just say NO.

We'll all be happier come New Years if we do.

I know I will!

Good luck to us all.

Karen

PS. Something that helps me, IF I remember to do it, is to THINK about what I'm about to eat. I know what it will taste like and how much fun it will be to eat it, but I have to THINK about how I'll feel AFTER I eat it. Not so good. Stuffed. Bloated. Guilty. Sluggish.

Yuck!

  
  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

SILLYHP1953 12/7/2011 2:24PM

    I accept this challenge...now, after I've stuffed myself ever since Thanksgiving, every day I think, except the last few, thankfully.

Did you paint your background picture? It's beautiful.

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DGAIL51 12/3/2011 12:27PM

    oops! posted on wrong blog, then moved it

Donna

Comment edited on: 12/3/2011 12:29:23 PM

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JUSTJO66 11/30/2011 11:23AM

    Okay, I'm sheepishly raising my hand. I was pretty good on Thanksgiving. Didn't eat any desserts. Which is a BIG plus for me! Then went home the next day and didn't take any leftovers. I will promise to "try" to control myself. Yes, I know try never got anything done...but I don't want to lie to you. I'm weak. :o)


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ZEEDRA 11/30/2011 10:23AM

    I accept your invitation. My problem is eating in isolation so usually do not have a problem with the social scene. Then people come first. But alone? I come first. I've been working on that, though (for about 30 years). I manage to keep below my last declared "ceiling" (weight-wise). But, it's my fifth ceiling if I go back to when I was in my 30's. As long as I'm not bringing in those bags of "goodies" I'm okay.
I like DGAIL's "stop and think"...that often keeps me from buying the darn things in the first place and bringing them home...lots of success there, thank God! Somebody above said that some people "think" they can't stop at one or two chocolate bars. Unfortunately, it's a serious problem for many and by the time this stuff is in the house, the thinking's been done already or, should I say: the lying to oneself. Then it's more or less a fait a'compli (spell? and my mother was French!)
Good luck everybody!

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MADAMES 11/29/2011 9:47PM

    Thank you, Karen, for a great remnder and challenge! I'm going to heed your admonition (i hope)!


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BUGLET- 11/29/2011 9:37AM

    I'm already regretting the food I ate. Feeling like a stuffed toad (or maybe stuffed turkey)
Of course, you are right but I'm seriously looking for mindset and motivation..

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FISHINGLADY66 11/28/2011 9:22PM

    OMG. I read this too late. I've been so busy running around (Literally). Thanksgiving at my house and my daughters birthday on Thanksgiving Day. She walks in the door and says "Let the Celebration begin".. lol. and we did. emoticon
Seriously I was good though. No deserts for me, but I over did the carbs. Thanks for the timely advice. (((((Hugs)))))

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VINGRAM 11/28/2011 12:23PM

    I'm already in the big middle of the "binge".......... emoticon

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CAROLEE1945 11/28/2011 9:07AM

    Yes, as one commenter put, it all starts with the candy at Halloween, goes to the turkey and pies at Thanksgiving, and then continues on to the Christmas cookies. What i noticed about my own self is that these things just do not taste as good to me as they used to. Maybe it is the dulling of the taste buds with age, or the weariness of 66 turkey days in my life time. It does get old after awhile!!

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THISISIT-PA 11/27/2011 11:30PM

    I made it through two Thanksgiving dinners so if I can avoid Christmas cookies, I'm golden! I've done so well this year I can't let anything set me back now.

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DGAIL51 11/27/2011 9:40PM

    Ditto to everything you said!!! I feel terrible when I eat too much & eat the wrong things, then ask myself why in the world I did it???? knowing how I would feel later, it was because I did not STOP to think about how I would feel later. Too dumb to even talk about (talking about myself).

Thanks for the reminders. I will make that effort, STOP first, think before I take that bite. With the IBS i get double payback anyway, so all the more reason to practice moderation.
emoticon emoticon emoticon

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ACIMPEGGY 11/27/2011 8:59PM

    I hope this is voted most popular!

But for me, the holyday season (misspelled on purpose) starts at Halloween. I have some little candy bars left - half a bag. SOMETIMES I allow myself 1 or two at work. I'm lucky I can stop with just that much. I know some folks think they can't.

I also try to eat just a bit if it's a non-nutritious, treat type food so I do not feel deprived. Maybe as a reward after my lean protein and freggies.

Now, Thanksgiving dinner, I had ONE plateful of food...a bit of everything and 1 piece of pie. I did go over a bit, but plan on doing extra fitness this week to make up for it.



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MORTICIAADDAMS 11/27/2011 5:19PM

    I need to get control already. I started veering off plan even before the holidays. I have got to scale back my eating.

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GABY1948 11/27/2011 3:23PM

    I am SO in it with you! This is absolutely the BEST blog I have seen!!!! emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon

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PJSTIME 11/27/2011 11:02AM

    TOO LATE I've already binged but will get it under control just as soon as we get back home. My exercise will not mostly be inside as it is really cold or at least here in Branson it is.

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BELTONWALKER67 11/27/2011 10:08AM

    Yes, it's that time of the year that really tempts us. I, too, try to think before I eat, but sometimes the hand and mouth are faster than the brain. Sitting here thinking I really need to get up and take a walk..it's 27 degrees out there! Excuses! Excuses! Spark On!

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MIMIDOT 11/27/2011 10:02AM

    I not only have the holidays, but I'm going on a cruise the 15th on Jan. I'm game to try. I got through Thanksgiving pretty wel, so here's hoping. (I'm .8 of a pound less then I was Thanksgiving morning.) Good luck to us all!!!!

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KAYYVAUGHN 11/27/2011 10:00AM

    I'm making a real effort to eat better than I usually do during this time.
At mother's I ate part of a dessert that I usually like, but it did not taste the same. Maybe my taste buds are changing. When I know that it has plenty of calories, I didn't like it.
That was strange.

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TUFFYBIRD 11/27/2011 9:53AM

    Good luck. The holiday season is hard for us all, I think.

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SASOULES1 11/27/2011 9:50AM

  I second that. I usually get so stressed out about family issues that I tend to get a little crazy at the dinner table. I'm going to work on it this holiday season. emoticon

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OUTER SPACE vs INNER SPACE

Saturday, November 12, 2011

I was talking with my best friend yesterday about "women who constantly move furniture".

His ex-wife re-arranged the furniture almost weekly. He'd come home from work to an entirely different house, quite often.

I lived in my last house for ten years and once I put the furniture in place, I never moved it again until I moved out. I bought my current house four years ago and seem to be following the same pattern.

I'm a neat and tidy person. I move things to clean under and behind them, but I return them to the same place when I'm done.

Women seem to fall into one of two categories - those who DO and those who NEVER re-arrange furniture, lol.

So, is constantly moving furniture a sign of creativity? If so, I don't have a creative bone in my body and I don't really believe that!

I know at least two women who suffer from depression and they both constantly re-arrange all the furniture in their house.

Does never moving furniture mean your Inner Self is calm, whereas the constant need to move everything symbolizes inner turmoil? Or maybe moving everything is a form of adventure in an otherwise ordinary world?

I was never someone who "decorated" my desk and/or office space either. I prefer to think my "charming personality" told people who and what I was, lol. So maybe material space just isn't very important to me? Although I do like a nice, comfortable, clean house. THAT is important to me.

I guess I should research some psychology books to find the answer. But answers from real-world women are much more fun, lol.

So, DO you move the furniture a lot? Or NOT? And what sort of feelings do you get from it?

Inquiring minds want to know.

Karen



  
  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

SILLYHP1953 12/7/2011 2:22PM

    I've never been asked that question...I used to rearrange furniture quite often, back in my 20's & 30's. In fact, my husband came home one day back then, and said it was a good thing he wasn't blind cause he'd always be running into furniture. Now I don't move furniture very much, but every once in a while, especially in my office. I went through many years of depression, so reading that comment was interesting.

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FISHINGLADY66 11/20/2011 10:01PM

    I'm late here, Karen, but I have been out of town deer hunting. I don't move things in my house except at Christmas to put the tree up. Thanks for the subject to ponder. I never really thought about if it was creative. I love your blogs.
Have a wonderful and thankful Thanksgiving. emoticon

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IFATFIRST77 11/18/2011 7:54AM

    I'm a full fledged rearranger! Could be a Gemini thing..

I often rearrange with the seasons.. ie it's too hot for my computer or tv near the heaters-which are also near my windows. However in the spring, summer, and fall when the heat is not on, I like to have my desk or creative area near a window. I'm a great believer in feng shui and how such things affect our mood and level of creativity.
Sometimes the rearranging has a functional purpose ie. fitting something new into the flow of the room. Sometimes its more of a mental thing, which helps to keep things from becoming- what I feel to be mundane. As a Gemini I do get bored easily and too much sameness I guess you could say; starts to suck the life out of me or leave me feeling stagnant or 'stuck'. A little change can help to spark a bit of creativity and feels like a bit of a renewal or a simple re-energizing thing that is simple to do.

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TBRUGH78 11/16/2011 1:51PM

    The first thought that came to my mind about not moving your furniture is contentment. I would think that moving furniture would be a sign that that person may not be happy with something so instead of making a big change they make small changes. It makes sense that people who are depressed/not happy with things would move things around, however I think there might be people who just like change, like a change in seasons. Even thought there might be general rules about people and their behavior, I think every person is different.

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DGILBRIDE1949 11/16/2011 1:16PM

    I don't move furniture; if it's there--it's there. I may move the ironing board around, the music stand, the easel.....but the book cases or the furniture only to clean. My sister (on the other hand, is always moving and rearranging her house).
Maybe it's an inner peace thing...like nature: I want that mountain to be where it was when I saw it last, or the hills, or trees.....even the empty field by the house. And I get upset when nature gets moved around (by humans).
My cats don't like change either.
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JUSTJO66 11/15/2011 9:43AM

    Great question.
I am one of the non-movers. I've lived in my house since 1999 and once the furniture is in place...it's there to stay. :o)

My sister-in-law is a mover.

I don't know why people are one way or the other. I just got mine where it works and to me it feels right. Now, I love adventure and travel and seeing new things and sights and I believe " most" people would say I am creative :O). I also think that my inner mind is at peace...that is unless you're talking about night time when it's time to sleep LOL then I can't always turn the old brain off and get some sleep.

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ACIMPEGGY 11/14/2011 7:34PM

    Karen, just like right and wrong...to me the answers to these types of questions all depend on your perspective emoticon

Me? I move furniture...but only once in a while. Like in the living room we have an orange tree. We live in Chicago. In the warm weather Grandpa (his name) sits on the front deck basking in the sunshine. We can move the furniture just a bit (my easy chair and the box of baby toys for Suz's GD) so I can better see the TV and have light to crochet. In the cold weather, Grandpa comes in and crowds me and the toys out. My chair has to be moved over. I sit on the edge to see the entire TV screen or sit back and have a branch of leaves across the upper part from the left to the middle top.

Sigh. That's ok. I'd rather Spark or play TV games than watch tv anyway.

I've moved the furniture in my bedroom twice in about 10 years.



emoticon emoticon

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MORTICIAADDAMS 11/14/2011 3:25PM

    I was originally an interior decorator. I never rearrange furniture either. There is one perfect arrangement only. LOL. Anyone who thinks otherwise is deranged. LOL. emoticon

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BUGLET- 11/13/2011 7:11PM

    When I was younger I loved rearranging things but then I married my husband and he hates things to be moved. Also we have a lot of heavy furniture and I'm much older and not able to move some of it. I was always excited to see how my things looked in a new place, now my things are arranged differently because we have just moved to a different house. It's frustrating because my furniture doesn't fit well in this house even though it's a few feet larger than our other house. When I looked at this house I knew I'd have to adjust but didn't realize that half of the drawers are just made to look like a drawer so I'm getting rid of a lot of things. I guess I just have gotten older and not as active as I used to be.
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Raining here..

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CAROLEE1945 11/13/2011 9:54AM

    What a great blog topic!!! I love my home, absolutely, I love to be in a peaceful environment, and come home to beauty after a difficult day. I only rearrange furniture when there is a reason, such as having a big holiday dinner. Then, it is rather fun to see how things can look different.

As far as the psychology of it, well, it depends on the person. When my husband just disappeared ten years ago, I was in such mental turmoil that having the house totally neat gave me a sense of order in the inner chaos. Before that, I had been rather sloppy!!! Now I have developed habits that actually are quite good as I have aged. If you put things back in their places, you can find them again.

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DGAIL51 11/12/2011 9:49PM

    I enjoy rearranging a few things occasionally if it makes the space more "functional". i like a good flow into and through a room, but also a cozy, attractive space. I would love to rearrange our bedroom, but things only fit a certain way, which is not as functional as I would like or as attractive. I did rearrange it a bit about a year ago, but I am not sure it was any better, just different. lol.

I have to rearrange the great room for our Christmas tree which is 10 ft. tall and also wide at the base, but that just means I take out my large silk plant and move a chair. Sometimes I get bored with how things look and try to rearrange to create a more attractive room. Once I get things the way I really like them, I rarely change. If I won the big lottery, I would have fun changing furniture and color schemes. LOL! I love playing with color!

So, I guess, no I don't rearrange very often, but I often look for a better way to do almost anything, including the furniture arrangement and I have most things in the best places they can be right now. I have 2 friends who build a house, decorate it, sell and then that all again. I would hate that because of the moving every 2-3 years.

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TUFFYBIRD 11/12/2011 5:39PM

    I don't move furniture either. Sometimes I think I'd like to, just for a change, but our house is laid out in such a way that there really is only one orientation that makes sense. So maybe I'm not creative either ... nah, I don't believe that any more than you do. I think I found the way that looks nicest and why make it look 'not so nice' just for the sake of change? emoticon

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JEANNE229 11/12/2011 12:50PM

    Karen, I never move furniture either. Fact is, there is too much OTHER stuff to do, and if the house is comfortable and not offending anyone, why move it?

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ZEEDRA 11/12/2011 11:51AM

    Great Blog/question!!!

To start: sometimes a cigar is just a cigar. I know women, mostly, who love their homes like it was a human being. They are constantly decorating and redecorating and tend to be what I call fussy. Also, and I'm judging here, they seem to fall on the side of materialistic. I'm not always comfortable having these people in my place as i am quite different in that area. But, as PJSTIME says, it can be an adventure and a way to be creative. Thus, "a cigar is just a cigar".

Then, I know or have known ones who seem to be driven. I could visit one day and say "Gee, everything looks so nice!" and then the next time it looks like a bomb hit it because they have torn everything apart, added new things where it becomes cramped, etc. These people are almost hoarders...constantly shopping for something better or just something...anything. There seems to be no deliberation or planning and the whole process looks quite frantic.

I am like you, Karen, and some others who have commented...with some differences, of course. I can leave everything in place for years. Because I've been moving too much lately, for various reasons, I do have to make these decisions more frequently.

My big difference is: I don't finish the job! I've been here for over a year and I still have pictures leaning against the walls and paid bills piling up waiting to be filed. Also, i find it very difficult to leave a surface empty. I had to laugh at myself recently when I set up a folding end table for my student so she could have her tea while watching TV with me. Afterwards, I caught myself putting a few magazines and ??? on top of the table...even though it had to be put away at some point. I say to myself: Try to leave one surface empty (except for the dust, of course)!

Regarding the idea of depression playing a role here: I would say that it could work both ways. When depressed, for some of us, it's very difficult to get anything accomplished. With the others, maybe it's their way of escaping depression, holding it off...running in place, almost.

I can identify with the feelings of excitement compulsive shoppers and furniture movers experience. I used to experience that when I loaded up with junk food and junk reading for my Friday night mindless drop-outs in my full-time working days.

One other thought: a late friend of mine had Obsessive Compulsive Disorder and she was constantly rearranging, painting, sewing, fixing. I mean, I wish I would do more of that but certainly not in an obsessive-compulsive way.

Great topic, Karen.



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MAMABUGAZ 11/12/2011 11:45AM

    Some rooms, at least in my home, simply don't lend themselves to moving furniture. There seems to be just one way that the furniture "fits".

I have lived in the same house for 22 years. I have never moved the furniture in our dining room, or our bedroom (except to replace it, sometimes, but then I put the new stuff where the old stuff was).

However, I do re-arrange my living room furniture, occasionally. Like another one of your posters, I re-arrange it at Christmas to make room for the tree. And, I often put it back the way it was. But, I've had about three different arrangements that, over the past 22 years, I've sometimes vacillated between.

One thing that I have done more re-arrangment in, the past 6 months or so, are my knick-knacks in the LR, DR and BR, and the pictures on the walls. Finally, after many years of clutter, I've been able to keep a cleaner, more clutter-free home, and I've enjoyed changing around where I place the things on my LR bookcase (which I use mostly for display, not books), and some shelves that are inset into my plaster walls, and my BR dressers and nightstands.

I'm looking forward to Thanksgiving, when I'll get out my Christmas things. I have different ideas about how and where to display my Christmas knick-knakcs, now that my bookcase is for display and not just books and clutter.

~ Faith

P.S.: Interesting blog; you've had a lot of comments, and those who post often seem to have a lot to share.

Comment edited on: 11/12/2011 11:46:15 AM

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BELTONWALKER67 11/12/2011 10:46AM

    The living room gets rearranged once a year at Christmas Time to make room for the tree. My bedroom gets rearranged when the mood strikes, usually about twice a year. Today, the plans are to rearrange the garage to make room for the car. The rest of the house pretty much stays the same. As far as neat & organized, that is a constant battle. Family members say I'm a former neat freak who has mellowed with age.

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GABY1948 11/12/2011 9:32AM

    Karen, I HAVE BEEN BOTH...but you give me so much to think about...I believe IN MY CASE, lest someone chastise me...the constantly moving furniture was insecurity and trying to always make things "better". That was my "old life". In my new life with this dh, I never feel the need to move furniture...which I never really thought much about until this blog emoticon but I have to think it has some truth in what you say just because I know many people that are like I was in "my old life" including one of my own sons and that seems to be the truth in them! Thanks for a VERY thought provoking blog! emoticon

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JKURJACK1944 11/12/2011 8:53AM

    I never rearrange my furniture. Once it was in place the way I wanted it meant that I made the right choice the first time. If I ever get new furniture to replace something that is old or broken, I normally buy something that will fit in the existing furnitures place. I don't know what this means, but I do keep everything tidy, clean and organized.

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DDESERTDDAWN 11/12/2011 8:51AM

    Ha I rearrange until I've found THE place. THEN that is where it lives until it dies. When entertaining i have a hard time rearranging for that-- i want people to see things the way they are 'supposed't to be. Silly methinks.

Wish i were neat and tidy. I'm horrible at organizing-i think because i think there should be a perfect answer and I get myself going round in circles finding THE right way.

Big question- are your cupboards organized? Beans with beans, etc? That is the one funny thing my living room can be quite messsy, but look in my cupboard and a different story. My answer for my quandary? Housekeepers who 'pick up and put away'=not easy to find in the USA. Especially on my new salary. Sigh.

Good fun questions.
cheers,
dDawn emoticon


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KAYYVAUGHN 11/12/2011 7:08AM

    I don't move furniture around unless I'm rearranging a room. That doesn't happen often.
When we have about 20 family members over for a holiday dinner; then I will do plenty of rearranging.
Today, I start cleaning the study, so it will be such a touch up.

I wish I had a neat and tidy house all the time, but the back of the house lacks that attention.

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PJSTIME 11/12/2011 7:02AM

    I used to move furniture around (about 1 or 2 times a year) but now I don't not because I don't want to there just isn't anyway to rearrange in this house. So when I painted the walls this time I rearranged what I had on the walls instead. What does that mean?

I prefer to think of moving things like that as an adventure and a way to get or try something new. Is that the same as being creative - I don't know. emoticon

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Update on The Troubles

Wednesday, October 26, 2011

My mother really wants to be 60 again, with the freedom that good health, good vision, and driving where you want when you want gives you. None of us can grant her wish.

So she’s stuck with being 89, legally blind, needing more and more help from others. She fights ferociously against anyone who tries to help her deal with her limitations. It’s as if when you try to help her with her limitations, you assume the responsibility of causing those limitations.

Since I have been the Number One helper, I’m Public Enemy Number One. The more my sons step in to help – both me and her – the higher they get on that Public Enemy list.

God and the Universe have sent us a remarkable Home Health Care Nurse who has been able to talk her way in the door. She has hit upon the management method of giving my mother CHOICES in her care, to address her fear of losing control. So they have reached an agreement that Home Health care can visit twice a week. They observe while they are there and gradually try to be allowed to do a little more each time.

I’m doing all the behind-the-scenes paperwork, talking to doctors, pharmacists, filling out Medicaid re-certifications, etc. etc. The nurse is working on my mother constantly changing doctors because “that doctor” caused all her problems. No one can convince her she did not even meet “that doctor” until she began having those problems.

My son told my mother, in plain simple language, that if she didn’t let her family help her the State would step in and decide where and how she would live, instead of people who love her. It didn’t seem to sink in at the time, but maybe she is slowly allowing that thought to take hold.

What upsets me the most, are the horrible things she’s said to my sons. They have been the most wonderful grandsons she could have. Almost everything she owns was given to her by them: two a/c window units, ceiling fans, flat screen tvs, washing machine, dinette set. A year and ago they both took off work for a week to get her moved in here. One owns his own business and the other is a federal agent who flew here to Texas from Denver to help move her. She’s never had to pay a cable bill or a phone bill, either. They won’t even tell me what she’s said because they say it would “make you ill, Mom.”

The last time I saw her, I thought she would hit me, so I left. I mean, what do you do when an 89 year old woman strikes you? So my sons and I have decided that I will no longer have ANY contact with her. And it’s really upsetting her. She NEEDS someone to abuse, to yell at, to humiliate in public, and I’ve resigned. She’s having her neighbors call me now, telling me what she “wants”. I’m thanking them and then ignoring it all.

If she needs contact from us, my son will go. I think it’s pretty frustrating for her not to be able to tell me what she’s unhappy about, or how I’m the cause of all her ills.

During this time since her fall, I’ve hand-fed her when she couldn’t feed herself, helped her dress, made all the arrangements I could so her stay in the hospital (4 days) and the nursing home (10 days) and her return home, would be as nice as possible. I had her apartment cleaned, too. Rotten food in the fridge and pantry. Dead gnats in the fridge and freezer. (How does THAT happen?) Enough to get her evicted. And continued with all the paperwork, etc, I’ve always done.

And she hates me more than anyone.

It's not that I miss the wonderful, loving mother she once was, because she has always been the way she is now, except that now she is even worse.

I’ve decided to be an advocate for mySELF now. So I’m resigning my position as an advocate for her.

  
  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

SAMMIESMOM13 11/1/2011 9:33AM

    Karen, My mom has alzheimers. We have bouts of this sort of thing so I can feel a bit of your pain that way. She hit and spit at my daughter a couple of weeks ago when she was trying to bathe her - normally there are 2 of us, but I've been ill. I've had that sort of thing from her, but for her to do it to my daughter whom she adored is just total sadness for us all. My mother was also not the easiest person to live with, and in some ways has gotten easier to deal with (amazing!). But it seems life just seems to give us sadness as we get older. Where are those "golden" years you hear about?
I'll send up some prayers for you and yours sons. Bless them, they are good fellows. Just like my 2 daughters. We are lucky women to have them. Focus on the good, it will help. Hugs, Carol

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ZEEDRA 10/31/2011 4:21PM

    Karen: Congratulations on a sound and sane decision. All bases are covered. You have earned your freedom. I wish you all the peace and joy possible. Some get it in a gift box; yours was found in the trenches. Welcome back to your best life!

Please do a search for the poem by Derek Walcott, "Love after Love". I don't think we're allowed to quote a whole poem...???

When I first discovered this poem, I made several copies, laminated them, and gave them to friends. It's especially good for seniors (young seniors?). This is my way of giving it to you.

Hugs, Sandra

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SILLYHP1953 10/28/2011 3:17PM

    I am glad your sons are able to deal with the verbal abuse, and I am REALLY glad you have stopped accepting it. I only had to deal with emotional abuse from my step-father from the age of 6 to when I moved out at 18...and I know how much it has affected my life. I can only imagine the wounds you are healing when the abuse comes from your mother.
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IFATFIRST77 10/28/2011 2:57PM

    emoticon

I'm sorry Karen, you did good xoxox

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JUSTJO66 10/28/2011 12:10PM

    Karen, I am so sorry to hear all this has befallen you.
My heart goes out to you and your boys. You and they do
not deserve anything that has happened. I am sorry.

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DARLENEK04 10/27/2011 3:12PM

  I am so sorry for what you are going thru. You have been a
champ sticking in there as long as you did. If she has been
hateful all your life, then things will only get worse as she
gets worse. I am sorry your sons are having to deal with her
rage tho, but they must be good boys to put everything on hold
and go help her.
Stay strong, and stay away for your own peace of mind.
Let the Home health care deal with her...she is probably nicer to them than you.

Blessings,
Darlene

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BUGLET- 10/27/2011 2:41PM

    I feel your pain. I tried to help my brother and it has given me nothing but frustrations and sorrow. Not from him, bless him, but his alcoholic wife. She's trying to sue me now. Hang tight and try not to dwell on it. I think it's the right decision to cut contact. Don't sacrifice yourself and your sons when it doesn't help any of you. God bless you for your efforts. emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon

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FISHINGLADY66 10/26/2011 10:34PM

    This is a tough time for you and your family, I am so sorry for all the things you have to go through. Your blog brought back memories of when my mother was that way. I hope you can feel the Love and support coming to you from all your Spark Friends.
Bless your sons for being there for you and their grandmother. Their reward will come someday.
Your in my thoughts and prayers.
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TUFFYBIRD 10/26/2011 9:15PM

    I once took a geriatrics course in which the one most important message was "people don't mellow as they get older, they just become 'more so'". In my experience that is absolutely true.

My situation was similar to yours and (like you) I needed to take a step back in order to maintain my own sanity. I too worked 'behind the scenes' but I wasn't so available as a repository for my mother's anxiety and anger. I don't have any answers but I can say "I've been there - done that - you are SO not alone". And I have several SP friends dealing with exactly the same issues.

Hang in there and take care of yourself; you're of no help to anyone if you get sick.



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MADAMES 10/26/2011 7:44PM

    Dealing with aging parents is a trial that many of us face... Yes, this is hard, but you have the knowledge that you are doing the right thing, honoring your mother even when she hasn't always honored you. Hug your sons and take care of yourself. Spark Friends are here to support you any way we can!

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MORTICIAADDAMS 10/26/2011 4:59PM

    Oh no!! I hate to hear it but I can relate. Dad doesn't abuse me but he makes statements that make me feel really bad for him. He will complain about something being broken and I will tell him that my husband will come and fix it and he will say he doesn't want THAT - we have enough to do. He will complain that he has no one to take care of him and we will offer to move him up where we live and help take care of him. No he doesn't want THAT!! He wants my brother to do it and Jeff won't. I have to listen to dad state basically that if he can't manage to do what he wants then he wants to die. You can't satisfy them because you can't give them back their health. You can't take it personally but is makes it no less upsetting. Take care of yourself. emoticon

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DGAIL51 10/26/2011 4:37PM

    Karen, I am so sorry for all the things you have endured from your mom. I had no idea how bad it was. My mom can be cantankerous and grouchy, but nothing even close to what you are going through. She is usually sorry later and tries to be sweet then. I would be crushed to have her do the things your mom has done and I have to say, I would have been "out of there" a long time ago. I commend you for sticking with her so long. Your patience and kindness in the face of such rejection and meanness is to be admired and aspired to. I am afraid I would fall way short in comparison.

May God bless you richly Karen. You really do have to step back for your own well being and I am glad to hear you have. You have extremely remarkable sons, which is a testament to their mother. Hang in there and stick to your guns. You are doing the right thing.
Donna emoticon Put your cat in your lap & have some peace!

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LILYGAL 10/26/2011 3:32PM

    You don't know me but I am you! My mom is now 100 yo and until June of this year lived alone with my help but I am the one who lied to her, caused her problems, etc. I have 3 other sisters and 2 brothers. One other sister got the same treatment as I did but no one else. She is now in assisted living as I could not take care of her any more. When I was there last week with my 2 other sisters, she lit into all of us. Awful! All I can say is that I will pray for you and your family. I know this is the hardest thing ever for you. Hang in there!!!

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DGILBRIDE1949 10/26/2011 2:38PM

    That sounds like what we went through when Mom was ill last year. My sister was the one who was the enemy, and was standing in Mom's way.
It's a tough time for you and your family, and I pray for you always. Keep your family close and love them.
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GOALIEGRANDMA3 10/26/2011 12:03PM

    I am so sorry you are going through this. We have to remember this sort of thing for when we get "old". I for sure do not want to end up living with my children. I don't want to be that cantankerous old woman, and I don't want to end up feeling mistreated.

It is the illness and the old age that is talking, not really your mom. Try to remember the good days, and please don't let it get you off track or stop living your life to the fullest.

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DEMETERSCO 10/26/2011 11:36AM

    I hope you can feel the caring and support coming at you from this forum. Aging parents is an issue so many of us on the Over 60s team are dealing with. Bless your sons for being there for your mother and for protecting you. You were a great Mom to raise such wonderful men!
My Mom's mother turned into a mean old witchy woman as dementia took hold - chasing grandchildren with a stick in her hand, cursing them and threatening to kill them. So sad...
Thoughts and prayers are with you, Karen, and with your sons.
emoticonMo

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JUDY1676 10/26/2011 11:14AM

    Hang in there. You are so lucky to have sons who are willing and able to help you and your Mom out. Prayers for you and your family.

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OZARKMARY 10/26/2011 10:24AM

  emoticonStay strong Karen. You have done more than required. God sees all. You just continue to do the "behind the scenes" work. Your sanity and life are at stake. What a miserable life she must have had as a child. Something has caused her to think she needs to be this nasty. I pray for you, your boys and your mom.

Please just keep blogging and understand how many care about you. emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon

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PJSTIME 10/26/2011 10:06AM

    Karen my heart goes out to you, but I think your sons are correct in making you stay completely away from her. Your job now is to do what can and needs done in the background and that is no small job in it self. I hope the nurse can still make progress little by little.

You are a wonderful person and you have wonderful sons even if MOM doesn't recognize that.

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JEANNE229 10/26/2011 9:36AM

    Karen, I have been exactly where you are. My wonderful, loving mother turned mean, ordered me out of her home and told me never to come back. I was shocked and hurt, but of course later realized it was her advancing age and the early onset of dimentia. It is SO hard, though, to see the face of someone you love so much without the warm and caring feelings on it for those who get so hurt from not only the aging, but from the hurtful words and actions. My mother stopped speaking to me as a daughter (and like you I worked in the background with a broken heart), but later she simply stopped speaking and lived somewhere in her mind. THAT was actually worse than the mean-spirited woman I tried to help.

We did ultimately have to put her in a nursing home as she needed 24-hour care to keep her from hurting herself or someone else. My GREATEST fear in this life is that I may one day become what she was.

Heartbreaking! You are a wonderful, wonderful person to continue to try to care so much.

Comment edited on: 10/26/2011 9:38:50 AM

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GABY1948 10/26/2011 8:33AM

    My heart goes out to you! I was in the same situation practically at the end of my mother's life. She wasn't quite as bad because she KNEW without me and my wonderful dh and sons she had NO ONE! What is it about old age that does that to people? They are either grinches like your mother and mine or as sweet as pie. You seem to have the right attitude in such a WRONG situation though...God bless you! emoticon

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BELTONWALKER67 10/26/2011 8:33AM

    Hang in there, kid. This too will pass. I'm so glad you have a home health nurse to help with your Mom and that you & your sons need to rest easy knowing you have done all you can do. Take care of yourself & know that we are all thinking of you and praying you continue to have the strength to get through these stressful times. emoticon

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MISSPEACHES3 10/26/2011 8:08AM

    Hi Kren,
I am so sorry that you, your Mother and family are having to go through this. I know that you do not need the mental stress of all of this.

I feel sorry for your Mom, because of the stress she is having. I know that she must be in very unfamiliar territory as she struggles to deal with the loss of so much. I know that my Mother has had some of the same problems, especially, giving over control of things to someone else.

My nerves go so bad when my Mom first went into the nursing home, I thought I would have a nervous breakdown. Thank God that did not happen.

I am a very stubborn person and don't easily give up. Even though I had to do the same as you, I had to back off for a while, for my own sanity.

Please know that this situation will get better. It will take time, but things will change.

May the Lord give you peace at this time.

Blessings, today and always,
Brenda

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JESSYVIRGINY 10/26/2011 7:52AM

    I'm so sorry to heard this. I understand how you may be feeling. I to had the same responsibility toward someone and it can be heart crushing at times.
I hope everything works out for you. emoticon

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