Friday, July 01, 2011
Some of you may know that I worked in the criminal justice system all my life. When I retired I was in charge of the pre-trial release program in my county. We interviewed inmates in the county jail to determine if they could be released on bond with any reasonable expectation that they would return for trial or sentencing and not commit any crimes while they were out.
To help them stay on track, they had to report once a week, attend substance abuse, anger management, job training classes, etc., and some had to submit to drug testing each week. If they failed to do any of these things, warrants were issued and deputies tracked them down and returned them to custody.
You can imagine that I heard some pretty interesting stories. Some of them were true. I learned a lot about human nature, not only from the inmates but also from their families and friends who were sometimes a help and sometimes a hindrance.
I have to say that the number one thing I learned is what I still believe now, to paraphrase an old addage: Fear is the root of all evil.
Fear of rejection, humiliation, loneliness, deprivation, being different, being poor, being less intelligent than others, being put down, losing loved ones, fear of a specific person, etc, etc. You name it. Whenever I took the time to think about a particular case, I could always find the fear in it.
I really learned this from Mr. Bishop, an old supervisor who was a retired colonel having a second career in the Probation department of our county. A woman came in right at closing and began screaming at us because someone in some prison somewhere would not let her see her husband. We had absolutely nothing to do with it. I was very young, naive and a little afraid of her but was thinking bad things about her, I promise you.
When she finally took a breath, Mr. Bishop said in a calm, caring voice, ďYou must be in a lot of pain because youíre so fearful.Ē Now THAT had never crossed my mind while she was screaming at me, for sure. Mr. Bishop opened my eyes to the fear of others and their pain as a result of it.
Now, you may have different thoughts about this and not completely agree with me. Thatís ok. But in my humble opinion, Public Enemy #1 is FEAR.
My friend Jo and I seem to feeding off each otherís blogs, because she just posted this:
You can bet that WE have FEAR, too. And it changes our lives and is the cause of the effects we feel now. Some of it is old fear. Some of it is new. But, yes, it causes emotions, and yes, emotions lead us to do things we know we shouldnít, like eat an entire carton of ice cream.
So Joís question - What am I Afraid Of? Ė is THE question for us all. Next time you are about to do something you know is not good for you, ask yourself that question.
Writing is a healing art. Sometimes you donít know what you think until it comes out your fingers. Thank you for letting me work on myself using SP blogs.
Iím trying a new mantra: Donít eat it. Write about it.
PS. I was telling Joe about this and it ended with "Don't Bite It. Write It." lol A little more catchy, hmmm?
Thursday, June 30, 2011
I need a sponsor. Someone to call when I have an overwhelming desire to consume something that I know is bad for my body. Like AA. But EE instead. Emotional Eating.
Here I thought I was ďknowledgeableĒ about dieting, healthy eating, and what is/is not good for me.
Well, knowledge isnít everything. Sometimes you need a connection. An eye opener. A EUREKA! Moment. Something has to hit you on the head, bite you on the leg and drag you kicking and screaming into reality.
Emotional Eating. It just slapped me in the face yesterday, with a cold wet rag. And I woke up.
Having problems with my mother. Everyone pretty well knows I moved her down here a year ago to be close to me so I could help her in her old age. Anyone who has an elderly parent and tries to do the same knows how difficult that is sometimes. So, I wonít go into that.
But, BUT, didnít I get into my car and drive myself to the store yesterday afternoon about 2 pm, solely to buy myself a pint of ice cream???? YES I DID. And didnít I come home and eat every last bite of it???? YES I DID. Thank Goodness I didnít buy a gallon carton, because I have no doubt I would have eaten all of it!
I thought about buying some salad veggies while I was there. Even walked through the produce aisle. I could NOT even contemplate a lettuce leaf. I was focused and obsessed on ICE CREAM.
AFTER I got home with it, ate it, felt guilty about it, I had this MOMENT when light came into my tiny little brain and drew a line between Mother-frustration and eating ice cream!!
Good grief. How long have I been doing this every time I get frustrated with her? This past year, for sure, which how long sheís been living here.
Have you ever had a EUREKA moment? Thereís no doubt why that is shown in cartoons as a light bulb over a personís head. The LIGHT does DAWN and you can see clearly. Then you are amazed that you havenít made the correction before!
How can we delude ourselves like that? Apparently, itís pretty easy. Then when we do see the light, itís a ďslap the foreheadĒ moment. DUH. I feel like both Dumb AND Dumber.
But hey, Knowledge is power. The wrong emotion can drown it out, but the right emotion can turn it into an action packed plan.
So now I am working to stay AWARE. Yes, I know what the desire for ice cream feels like. Yes, I know what the taste of ice cream feels like. NOW I fight to remember what I feel like AFTER Iíve eaten it. Not just emotionally, but physically. My body, which seems to remain healthy despite what I put into it, lets me know that what I just poured into it is not optimum fuel and itís working very hard to do something with all the stuff I just sent it.
I think of it as the Boys in the Belly. Yep. The Belly Boys. They shovel everything into special little places for processing and storage. They tell me when the storage bins are pretty full or when they are stuffed with corrosive junk. And they send me some good feelings when I send them the good, healthy stuff, too.
So. Trying to keep the Belly Boys happy. Trying to take immediate action when I get one of those emotional food cravings. Trying to figure out what that action will be and train myself to go to it immediately.
Trying to keep that light bulb burning. Eureka!
Friday, June 10, 2011
I made a trip to my childhood home this week. Have you ever heard the expression, ďYou canít get there from here. You have to go somewhere else firstĒ ??? Sometimes itís true. Especially in the country roads of Texas. I need a toll road that takes me straight there without traveling back roads with only one lane each way so that Iím always behind a farmer on a tractor or 3 dump trucks!
Anyway, I went home in more ways than one. My mother and I were going to the funeral of my aunt, her younger sister. She was 82 and lived a very dynamic, sassy life. No regrets! Now my mother and her youngest sister are all thatís left of 10 siblings. While there, I visited with all the cousins who were such a big part of my childhood they kept me from realizing I was an only child. I had a wonderful childhood, thanks to them and all the aunts and uncles. It was good to share all our memories.
I especially enjoyed seeing my cousin Michael who was the Fonzie of my life. He was Fonzie from Happy Days long before there was a television Fonzie. Michael was so cool. He had the long combed back greased down hair and the leather jacket. I used to sneak into his room and read Mad Magazine. I was thrilled when he spoke to me. LOL. He marvels at all this now that I tell him about it.
We never know the impact we have on the people around us, do we?
Anyway, on my return trip, I used my GPS. There are so many possible routes, I can never figure out the best one, so I decided to have faith in my GPS. It always has a plan.
I reached a city that was the midpoint in my journey. There were some construction detours so I followed my GPS faithfully, even though the street names were unfamiliar. Finally, I approached an intersection with a highway I knew was on my way back. Happy to hear/see a familiar road. As I came up to make the left hand turn, there WAS no left hand turn. Just a pile of rubble and concrete barriers.
If youíve ever used a GPS, youíve heard that, lol. And doesnít it sound like it has a little attitude? The more you hear it, the more it has. Donít you talk back to it now and then? Admit it, lol.
Of course, the next alternate route was to turn right and I was still in the left lane and had to pass that up, too.
On and on we went. I wish I had counted how many times I heard - Recalculating!
But you know, it never gave up. It always found a different way. Sometimes I felt I was going in circles. Sometimes I felt I was going backwards. Many times I knew I just wasnít going anywhere. But I did.
My GPS kept on Recalculating! And finally, we got out of that hole, that whirlpool of circling. We arrived at our destination.
Doesnít this remind you of our Spark People journey? Lots of false starts, wrong turns, backtracking, and recalculation.
So letís donít stop Recalculating!
Eventually weíll arrive at our destination.
Saturday, May 14, 2011
My DIL had some complications in the second week of recovery from her double mastectomy. She developed a 4" blood clot in her leg. She is a 41 yr. old, healthy, active, working mom, not overweight. She wore the stretch stockings and did everything she was supposed to do, so doctors were surprised with this development.
They hospitalized her for 5 days because she seems to be among the 2% of people who do not respond to blood thinner injections. It took a while for them to find a medication that would work. Long, painful, scary ordeal that will take her six months to recover from completely.
Because of this, she has her blood tested twice a week to monitor the level of the blood thinner and be sure the blood clot is dissolving at the rate it should.
During her second week of blood testing, the doctor asked her if she had eaten salads and/or green leafy veggies. She had. Her doctor told her to either eat them every day or not eat them at all during this period of testing, because the Vitamin K in them was affecting the thinness of her blood!
0,,tb1790_tb1791,00.html Here is a link that explains this.
It sort of popped my eyes open! We know that what we eat has an effect on our body, we read it all the time. So yes, I knew that. But it was amazing to me that it really showed up right away in a blood test. Made me realize how much what we put into our mouths really becomes us.
Yes, we are what we eat.
"Dear Body, please forgive me for all the junk you have had to process! I didn't realize you took it so personally!"
Friday, May 13, 2011
My main course for the last two days has been assorted veggies drizzled with olive oil and lots of chopped garlic, then roasted at 400 degrees for 20-30 minutes, depending on the type of vegetable and size of the pieces. Yummy.
I just add grilled chicken or browned lean beef or maybe a couple of boiled eggs to my meal. Lean protein and lots of veggies - a way of eating that really agrees with my body.
Having new sod put in so I've been in the yard for two days, watering, etc. Lots of deep knee bends, lol.
Friday has always been my weigh in day, so I'm officially logging weight now, too. Rolling right along.
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