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Mental Health and Social Networking

Monday, February 20, 2012

I was just chastised for posting a request for any Sparkers who also provide mental health services to take a research survey because it violated Spark People guidelines. It doesn't, since it is neither an advertisement, inappropriate site, or survey request with a commercial interest for a direct competitor, but it must have offended someone or it would not have been flagged. I was also put on notice that I had to remove the link to my BeachBody coach site, which I did and should not have included "because other BB coaches are doing it" since that did violate guidelines. Frankly, I have been so busy with school, I have not updated my information since last year and forgot it was still on there. I have generally been pretty steady in the midst of doctoral study, but the scale has been creeping up for the past few months and bed had been more inviting than the workout room, so I am trying to get back to tracking.

If anyone who works in mental health as a nurse, psychiatrist, psychologist, therapist, or social worker and is interested in taking the survey (SurveyMonkey.com/s/OneDNP), I would be grateful for your anonymous, non-commercial input. To reiterate, the survey is for professional research and not consumer opinion, complies with IRB guidelines regarding privacy and security, and in no way seeks to sell you on a product or opinion. This is only one of many avenues that I thought would be a good place to look for feedback, but I don't want to bite the hand that feeds me either since Spark People has been a great resource to me over the years!

  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

*JING* 2/20/2012 2:08PM

    Thanks again Don!

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DDOORN 2/20/2012 12:54PM

    So sorry to hear about the "ding"...but hey, no worries, one never knows when a mis-step needs to be corrected.

GL with your research!


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30-Day Vegas Workout Countdown

Thursday, June 16, 2011

Countdown to Vegas time again and yikes - I have put on 5 pounds when I meant to loose 2! Lets see if I can do 30 days of workouts to get back to 140 and then some!

30: Kundalini Solar Power, Turbo Fire 30
29: Jackie Warner Xtreme Circuit & Xtreme abs upper
28: Kundalini Yoga Transformer
27: Tamie Lee Web I Want That Body
26: Kundalini Boot Camp
25: Jackie Warner Power Circuit
24: Walk 1 mile with niece, Tracey Mallet Booty Barre 30 minutes
23: Kelly C-M Circuit Burn 15; Body Breakthru 30; Walk 20
22: Kundalini PM Yoga
21: Jackie Warner Time Saver & Chrunchless abs floor
20: Kundalini Yoga Bliss Hips
19: KCM Circuit burn & abs; Kundalini AM yoga
18: Kundalini Beginners and Beyond
17: KCM Circuit Burn
16: Kundalini Yoga Body Electric
15: Breathless Body
14: Booty Barre and I Want That Body
13: Tabata self-training
12: Crunchless Abs and compound-move circuit
11: Breathless Body
10: Walk with hubs (turbo gloves, MBTs, and fast pace!)
9: Your Body Breakthru
8: Walk
7: JW Crunchless Abs and Time Saver
6: Walk
5: JW Power Circuit plus extra arm work
4: Rest Day (just had too!)
3: Shape July's ab/yoga; Kundalini warm up, JW Power Circuit no abs add arm work


Dare to Care

Monday, November 01, 2010

In the quest to beat the holiday bulge, my business is donating 10% of sales to combat hunger. I like to do at least 2 or 3 charity drives every year to do my part, and I figure there are a lot of people out there that need a meal more than I do.

A member of Feeding America, the mission of Dare to Care is to end hunger in our community through partnerships, innovative programs, and community engagement. It is estimated 175,000 people are at risk for hunger across the 13 Kentucky and Indiana counties served by Dare to Care. Last year, over 192,000 people received emergency food assistance, including 40,000 children.

If anyone is thinking about purchasing Beach Body workouts, gear, supplements, or Shakeology, visit my coach's website at www.JingBody.com and click "shop" to view products. Feel free to contact me if you have questions on which program is right for you. Get fit, give back!


The Graphic Conclusion to Miscarriage #2

Tuesday, October 05, 2010

There is plenty of info on the feelings and emotions related to miscarriage, but I wanted to speak to the physical aspects of what happened to me on the end of my Cytotec journey.

When I last posted, I was one day past the Cytotec dosage. I was toeing the line between heavy spotting and light period with discomfort, but not pain exactly. I planned on giving myself until Monday evening to start the second dose if things had not progressed.

Monday morning I want into the office around 9 for my first patient and the cramps, well, I think I should call them contractions since it felt like a vampire squeezing my uterus, began. I popped some IBU and arnica which did little to help anything. By 10:30 I had passed 3 baseball-sized blood clots that were, thankfully, bright red. Not really knowing what the sac was supposed to look like, I collected one of the clots thinking it was tissue.

I clinically detached first because, aside from the entire thing being tragic, it is an amazing process. The sensations are unique because they are cramps, but they are much different than your basic menstrual variety, and the passage of the endometrium are morbidly facinating. Second, I needed to dissociate for my own emotional stability.

About halfway through my next patient I was doubled over in pain in the office bathroom and begging for 5 minutes of peace so I could finish up and cancel out for the rest of the day. I have never had malaria, but I must of looked like I did with the cold sweat that kept dripping off my forehead. The "Bellydance for Labor" video was worth it's weight in gold because it really did help move through the contractions and decrease the pain.

At noon (about 5 minutes after my patient left), the pain reached epic proportions and shortly after, baby and all came out. There is no mistaking the difference. The sac looks like a little wrinkled balloon attached to the dark tissue of the placenta. After delivering (I guess you call it that), there were no clots and the pain backed off considerably, but did not totally abate. I have worked-out nearly every muscle in my body before, but this was defiantly new territory for DOMS.

We ran over to the OB and he told us it looked like I had passed everything. I wanted to open the sac and see the baby, but I knew they wanted to run tests on it so I left well enough alone. I did take a couple of pictures though. He expects I will continue to have a light period for a week or so, and then have a normal cycle in 6-8 weeks. After that, he is going to run a bunch of tests to make sure all of this is not the result of a clotting disorder.

I cannot say Cytotec was the reason for this occurring Monday or at all, but what I do know is I do not require a D&C, which was my goal. I did not have the massive bleeding others have described, but there was still quite a bit. I hope I never have to go through this again, but if there is a next time, I am going to be sure to ask for some hydrocodone and take a few days off.

Today the clinical observation persona has given way to wistful-mommy-not-to-be grief. I am grateful I have a support system to rely on and that I now have an idea of what labor will be like (to a very small extent) when I finally do have a term pregnancy. There has been a lot of outside drama the past couple of days which I feel is a great distractor, but I am going to have to process this soon if I want to move on.

I made an over-ambitious workout plan for this week, that I quickly realized needed adjustment. I gained back 7 pounds of what I had lost so I am ready to get bak on the weight-loss plan next week. In the meantime, I am trying not to "feed the soul hole" with comfort foods, and getting 30 minutes of cardio or weights in every day.

  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

GIGI1222 10/6/2010 1:14PM

    I am so sorry for your loss. I remember going through this process. I did not have a DnC either, I got methotrexate shots. It was like a punch in the stomach. I am lucky now though, I do have 3 wonderful children. I hope you are blessed soon with a little one!

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YIYEHTOV 10/6/2010 4:55AM

    I'm so happy for you that you don't need a D&C. I had one in July, but if I could have waited and done it naturally, I would have. (I was about to go on a 16 hr plane flight, so waiting didn't seem like a good idea... I can't imagine going through what you describe in a plane bathroom!) Even so, I passed some tissue a week later or so and I remember feeling kind of fascinated by it too.

Take care of yourself as you recover mentally and physically. I'm rooting for you!!

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GIRLBIO 10/6/2010 2:07AM

    Sorry for your loss. I to know the pain of not becoming a mommy when I had an ectopic 3 years ago. I hope you find peace and will find yourself as mommy to be very soon. Take care.

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Lightning Struck Twice. And Now for the Cytotec.

Saturday, October 02, 2010

When I last posted I was pretty excited about leaving spark for a while to become temporarily, but very happily, fat. I am back a few months sooner than I planned.

Went for the ultrasound on the 22nd with hubs laden with camera gear. We should have been about 9 weeks along but the fetal pole measured 6 weeks 4 days. I can read ultrasounds and I saw there was no heartbeat. Doc told me to come back in a week to make sure because I could have been off on the due date.

Surprisingly, this was not the longest week of my life because by the time we walked out of the office, I came to grips with the fact he (I always felt the baby was a boy) was dead.

Sure, there was a chance, but somehow I knew we would not be in the lucky percent. I had a dream a couple of weeks ago that I gave birth to a belly full of water. I also had stabbing pains in He-Gu, an acupuncture point that is contraindicated in pregnancy because it can dilate the cervix. Around week 7 I also developed a total aversion to all the prenatal books and videos I had been so gung-ho about and had stopped browsing Amazon day and night. By themselves, none of this was meaningful, but as I sit here and think, they all kind of work together.

I am a little irritated that the first pregnancy symptom to go away was the great complexion I had developed.

I had spotted very lightly through the week, so I had prepared myself for the inevitable. On the return trip to the OB, the fetal pole measured 6 weeks and 1 day but the gestational sac had grown. Great. Before he could finish the "D&C" talk, I asked how he felt about 800mg of Cytotec i-vag instead. He was somewhat surprised (hell, if you told me a few years ago I would rather pass a dead baby then get it all over with at once with a D&C I would have called you crazy) but he did a quick consult with one of his partners and fixed me up with 2 prescriptions and his cell phone number.

A part of me was hoping I would not need it, but by Friday night I was still spotting only slightly heavier so I decided to take the plunge around 8:30. I also popped 5 mg of valium hoping to sleep through the cramps. I didn't, but I also don't remember them that well. Even knowing there is no life to be had, it was still difficult to do this. Had I though there was even a slight chance I would have waited another week, but unfortunately clinical reality squashed optimistic hope.

Within a few hours, I had mild but escalating cramping. I spend a good part of the wee hours of the morning writhing around and deep breathing. I guess the "Bellydance for Labor" video paid off since the more I moved my hips, the less it hurt. And it hurt.

It is over 24-hours later and I am not gushing as some others have described, and while I have had clots I not have I passed the sac. I don't think this is going to be real for me until I do.

I had a deeper attachment to the baby this time than I did the first time, yet somehow this miscarriage is easier. I guess it is a combination of saying good-bye, not having told as many people, and navigating (unfortunately) familiar territory. The good news is, we are fertile, and with, hope will remain so and actually conceive and carry next time.

I have to admit I harbor some bitterness over the situation since, as a nurse practitioner and psych nurse, I have seen so many women do everything wrong and have one baby after another without a problem. On the other hand, I have several clients who have due dates close to when I should have been due for both my first and current miscarriage and I feel so happy for them and proud of the role I played in helping them conceive.

As for trying again, I do not think I am going to be ready for quite some time. I am not sure I can ever have a positive pregnancy test again and feel excited about it. It sounds morbid, but I feel as though "hey, we made it over halfway through the first trimester this time, maybe we will get all the way to the second trimester before we kill the next one." Maybe I need to take up smoking and a crack habit - it seems to work well for a lot of my former patient population.

Hmmmm, that was not a subtle defense mechanism, was it?

As the guilt wheels start turning, I wonder if I did too much baby acknowledgement and prenatal madness. Too much reading, too much talking to the baby, too many prenatal workouts. But then again, I do not want to second guess my actions since all of the research left me armed with a plan for the future - doulas, hospital, postpartum care, etc - so it was worthwhile for next time. Or maybe someone else's next time.

With hope I will be able to report back in a day or so that the cytotec did the trick and I will not need a D&C. In the meantime, at least I get to return to Turbo Fire and Spark, which is infinitely better than Baby Fit. Stay tuned.

  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

K82BTHIN 10/6/2010 2:13PM

    I am so very sorry. I have been there SO many times- too many. And I don't want to get all "God" on you because I don't know you, I just will say this, there is a plan. I have learned OVER and OVER that there is a plan out there and it will happen.

Praying your cytotec worked.. I hated that stuff and do not wish it on anyone.

big hugs.

Comment edited on: 10/6/2010 2:15:15 PM

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ABIZZLE7 10/6/2010 9:45AM

    I'm so sorry to read this and what you've been and are going through. I hope that writing it out has helped you a bit? It definitely made me cry. I am sending you all my positive vibes and best wishes.
emoticon emoticon emoticon

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MARA03 10/3/2010 11:09AM

    This may sound very odd, but I think you put this devestating experience into words perfectly. I've been there 4 times. And each time is still the hardest thing ever, but there is something easier about it. I think the process of how we internalize and grieve and share our feelings with opthers becomes easier and also essential. The more I was able to talk to someone and let out what I felt made it simpler to deal and move on. I wasn't able to do that the last time, and still have not dealt with the feeling, and it happened 10 months ago now. I know that syaing sorry doesn't always mean anything but I will say it anyways, I'm sorry you had to go through this, I'm sorry it had to hurt so much, and I'm sorry that you had to see what you already knew. I think had that been me I'd not handled it well at all. It is interesting though, that you knew before you were told. I too felt the same way. Before anything physical came about something mental, and emotional broke first and I knew it was coming. Somehow being prepared in the mid first made it easier. Like you could put your emotional armour on and say "Ok, lets do this" I hope that you do take the time you need to heal properly and that this dream is only temporarily on hold. We are all behind you 100%. I have learned that going through this life path is much easier when you can look in any direction and see a supportive person. I thinkt he ones online are the best :)

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YIYEHTOV 10/3/2010 9:56AM

    I'm so sorry for your loss. :( Thanks for being so honest about your feelings, though. I also wonder if I might be getting too invested in this whole process too soon... that if I stopped participating in the Getting Fit Before Baby board or reading books, I might just be able to go on with my life until I get that real, sticky baby. Who knows. It seems like you're dealing with this with a minimum of bitterness, even though I can relate to your feeling about seeing all these women do everything wrong yet carry healthy pregnancies the whole way. Take care! I'm adding you as a Sparkfriend... hope you don't mind, and if you ever need to talk, let me know.


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