Thursday, July 31, 2008
Yup, I've been anti-social lately. I don't particularly know why. I've just been super busy. However, when I mention that and people ask what I've been up to, I can never really think of anything to say.
I've always been really comfortable just hanging out with myself. I don't really need a social scene. I never did have a group that I belonged to in high school. I was friends (aquaintances maybe?) with lots of people. But I was never in an actual group. I was friends with people on dance team, but I wasn't on it. I was friends with people in choir and band, but I wasn't in those either. I was on the newspaper staff, and I did talk to people there. But I didn't have a reason to go to the late nights, so I never did. I was friends with random people, but most of them weren't friends with one another. So I guess I'm just not used to hanging out with a group of people. I seem to be more of a one-on-one type person.
So my days tend to fill up with errands, chores, the gym, church activities, sparkpeople, myspace, youtube, and attempting to keep in touch with family and friends. But I've been really bad about that last one! There's a lot of everyone else, and very little of me. I'm also attempting to read Barbara Walters' memoir Audition. If I think about it, it's not even that long of a book, I don't think it quite gets to 600 pages. But I'm also reading four other books (as is usual of me). But since I got the book from the library I always feel like there is a ton of pressure to read it quickly. Especially since I sit on the waiting list for most of the books I check out. There are always a billion people in line ahead of me, and a billion people behind me. So I tend to try and read them as quickly as possible. So if I'm not online, at the gym, or at church, I'm probably reading.
I guess it's because social events tend to drain me of all my energy. Small talk is particularly EXCRUCIATING. I usually have to have some sort of preparation before I put myself through that. But since summer hit, it's been one thing after another. In fact this last weekend was the first (and last!) time all summer that we had absolutely nothing to do. Then, of course, both Aubrey and I ended up getting sick. It was nice actually because we spent practically three whole days laying in bed and watching movies together. Talk about a zero pressure situation. Just getting to spend some quality time with my husband, even if he was in pain and I felt lightheaded and dizzy the whole time. We watched movies I haven't even thought about in years!
I guess this blog is an attempt to apologize to anyone who has wanted to talk, but I haven't had the time. To anyone who doesn't hear from me often enough, to anyone who wonders why I'm even friends with them here if I'm never going to be good at staying in touch with them. I love you all! But shhh, just let me finish this chapter.
Monday, July 21, 2008
I often wonder if I am setting a good example for the children in my life. Unfortunately I don't have any of my own yet. But I do have a four-year-old niece and a two-year-old nephew.
I never discuss my weight loss, food, or exercise with either of them. Or rather, I guess I should say I don't discuss it in FRONT of them. They are both still very young, but my niece is very smart. She picks up on things. And I've read stories about girls as young as six saying they are on "diets."
She's still at the age where running around like crazy is fun, not exercise. Plus she absolutely adores fruits. So I definitely try and encourage those things. Recently though, I thought I might have failed her.
She was over at my house and she likes to look at the pictures I have on my computer. She loves pointing out the people she knows and making new observations of each one. She asked for me to click on one particular picture, so I opened it without thinking about it. It is the middle picture on my sparkpage with my face at 245+ pounds and my face at 165- pounds. She said "Look it's you Auntie Amber! But who's that?" referring to me in the 245+ pic. I explained that was me. To which she replied, "Oh, that's you with your big face and you with your little face! You have big ears!"
I sort of chuckled and quickly moved on to other pictures. She's seen my wedding pictures recently where I am at my heaviest weight, and she knew who I was! I guess she had just never seen two pictures of me right next to one another before.
During that same day I found her standing on my scale. She turned to me and asked "What does this mean? Oh! I know! It means I'm a big girl!" She said this with a giant smile on her face because at four being a "big girl" is a fantastic thing! I smiled and said "yes, you're my big girl!"
I think I'm worrying prematurely, I just don't want to have her go through the things I did as a kid. Technically, we're not really related as she is my best friend's kid. My best friend was super skinny as a child. But I still worry that I'm going to cause her to think about her weight too much. I don't want her to think that she has to be thin to be well liked, while still expressing the benefits of eating healthy foods and playing!
Tuesday, July 08, 2008
So I just finished reading Fat politics : the real story behind America's obesity epidemic by J. Eric Oliver.
WOW! It is really interesting. I was glad to read about some history of what we have thought about "overweight" and "obesity." Also to learn how the BMI started and why. (Hint, it has nothing to do with weight loss!)
If you can find it at your local library, definitely give it a read.
I think I am getting more and more ok with myself. I am glad for the things my body can do, and am less worried about what it actually looks like. I am working on getting stronger. I want to kick anyone's butt who wants to continue to make fun of me because of my weight! Hi-yah!
Sunday, July 06, 2008
So I decided to read the book by Jared Fogle, the guy who lost weight eating only at Subway.
He gives some practical advise, nothing too terribly mind-blowing. Although I did realize that I wasn't too keen on some of his tactics.
I mean, he was able to lose 245 pounds in 11 months. 245 was my starting weight. He lost the fat me in less than a year! Whiel that may sound cool, I can't imagine losing that much weight in that short of time. Especially doing it by basically not providing your body with the proper amount of nourishment.
He basically went from eating over 10,000 calories a day to eating less than 2,000. No wonder he lost the first 94 pounds in two months. I would have gone down a LOT slower than that. I also didn't like how he implied that plateaus don't exist. I have been on a few plateaus and am currently in a plateau. Sorry Jared, they do exist!
He also skipped breakfast. Not something I am willing to do. The only meat he ate was the turkey meat on his 6-inch sub at lunch. He ate a 12-inch Veggie Sub for dinner. At both meals he ate baked chips or pretzels and washed everything down with diet pop. Any time he was hungry for a snack, he drank more diet pop. He ate no dairy and no fruits. No fruits? Ok, that diet isn't for me! =)
I also don't understand his no snacking policy. I kept thinking, don't you know how much healthy food you could eat? But he enjoyed hearing his stomach groan and rumble wanting food. He didn't give in and would wait it out until his next meal. So he basically went from eating crap 24/7 to eating two meals a day. A sandwich and some chips at noon. A sandwich and some pretzels at seven. No other food...ever.
I really do hope he's eating a more well balanced diet now. It's good that you can lose weight and have kept it off for six years, Jared! But denying your body of the nutrition it needs isn't any better than stuffing it full of crap.
I did really enjoy the book because I never knew his whole story. It's touching and just for that, I would certainly recommend people read it.
Saturday, July 05, 2008
So, you can be a gym rat. Go pretty much every day, most days of the week. But that does not prepare you for actual hiking. Trust me. Both sides of my butt are whining with soreness every time I walk.
I had no idea that so many people would want to go see a waterfall on the 4th! I also had no idea that so many people really couldn't care less about others! They'd just be walking and then decide to stop right in front of you, then almost seem mad when you go around them. Oh, were you wanting me to just stop right here too? Wait for you to be done? Or the amount of people who don't understand the concept of a single file line. No, that's ok, really, I wanted to be that friendly with the rock so your entire group could walk side by side.
Also, what's with parents and doublewide strollers? I was already a little irritated by how many people are pushing their kids up with strollers, (walking very slowly, big bulky strollers) and then we saw at least 3 doublewide strollers. The trails are BARELY wide enough for one person going up to walk past one person going down. There are no guardrails to keep me from falling to my death just because you don't want to have to carry your kids.
That being said, Aubrey and I only took a couple of breaks on the way up. I made it up once...about 90 pounds ago. But I had to stop at every single switchback because I was so tired. It must have taken us an hour and a half that time. This time it took about 40 minutes, and that was mostly because of trying to get around the slow people in front of us. Although I learned that going downhill does not keep my heart rate up. I've already been noticing that my heart rate plummets pretty much the minute I stop doing something, no matter how high it was. I took my heart rate monitor with me and burned almost 250 calories going up. Only about 35 going down. My goal was 300 total, so I had to kinda "jog" and "hop" my way down trying to get my heart rate to go above 90. I think I hit 91 once going down, whereas going up I was averaging about 130.
Then we went to the park and watched the fireworks. I hope everyone else had a fun time celebrating independence day!
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