ZAEZAE   6,107
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Trying again...for the zilionth time

I have been on spark for a loooong time now and I've lost and gained the same 20-30 lbs more times than I care to admit. My pants are too tight and I refuse to buy the next bigger size to replace the ones I gave away last time I lost the weight.

It would seem that emotional eating would be a label that fits, but I struggle to relate to that. I am addicted to sugar, junk food and simple carbs. I eat junk because I am overwhelmed at the effort, time and prep that is required to ...
I have been on spark for a loooong time now and I've lost and gained the same 20-30 lbs more times than I care to admit. My pants are too tight and I refuse to buy the next bigger size to replace the ones I gave away last time I lost the weight.

It would seem that emotional eating would be a label that fits, but I struggle to relate to that. I am addicted to sugar, junk food and simple carbs. I eat junk because I am overwhelmed at the effort, time and prep that is required to eat the way I want to eat. I aspire to eat lots of veggies, whole grains, fruits and in general 'real food'. I'm not a meat lover (this goes WAY back) so I am basically a veggie/vegan wannabee, but I lack the conviction and commitment to really make it happen. I have some social issues linked with using food for the wrong reasons, my family and my sister being at the top of that list.

My munchkin is a very picky eater and I'm raising him on junk food because it's one of the few things he will eat. I know this is a cop out, believe me, but I still struggle to get him to eat more than a handful of items including hot dogs, pizza, french fries and chicken nuggets. This morning he asked for french fries for breakfast and my mouth fell open! (talking is a new thing for us, but this was a major wake up call for me).

I spend too much time thinking about, reading online, reading books and researching what to "do" to be/eat/live healthy, but very little actual time doing it. This is where I hope to focus my time and energy.

I also need to learn to love myself along the way and live with joy. I have a job that requires travel 1-3x per month so this keeps things a bit messy as well.

I yearn to better myself and my health before it's too late - but I just can't seem to make it stick. I also hate that fat is something that you can't hide. No matter how big your clothes are - or how much black you wear there just isn't going to be an effective way to hide that you are carrying around 100's of extra lbs!

My body is giving me many signals that my diet needs to change. My migraines are now coming 3-4x per week and my Dr. has prescribed a daily medication used for high blood pressure. It's working, but I hate having to take anything. My teeth hurt when I eat something that is too dense in sugar (most candy, etc.) and its no longer comfy to sleep on my stomach all night (hurts my back). I'm not proud of any of this - I'm laying it out there so I will be forced to read it and admit where I have found myself again.

I say all the time that I'd give anything to be thin. But that isn't really all that true. I feel so exhausted and fatigued that I plop my butt on the couch when I can and grab the computer rather than cleaning, working out, or cooking because it's easier and feels good. I grab junk food so that I don't have to plan meals, grocery shop or devote time to prepping food or cooking. I'm starting to remind myself of the people on Wall-E who eat all their food in liquid form so they don't have to chew it and they ride around in huver loungers so no energy or effort is required. YIKES! Get me outta here! This is so not me, but yet...it is....

I want to change but I think in some ways I'm scared, because I really think I need to be extreme, but if that's the case, there can be NO halfway. I have to go big and be willing to deal with the consequences.

I'm looking for help, support, friendship and people who 'get' it. I want to learn from those of you who have made the life change that my dire morbid obesity demands before it's too late. If you have any words of wisdom please share. I would love to get to know you better!
Read More About ZAEZAE (Updated May 19)




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Member Since: 5/6/2009

SparkPoints: 6,107

Fitness Minutes: 1,927

My Goals:
My long term goal is to be 165lbs (or less!).

My midterm goal is to get under 200lbs.

My short term goal is to find a way to be good mommy, wife, employee, sister, daughter and lose weight at the same time.

My Program:
Treat myself with love by feeding, watering and walking me on a regular basis!

Focus on fruits and veggies. Interest in raw, vegan lifestyle but not really there yet.

Personal Information:
Hi - I'm Amy. I'm 35 years old. I live in MI with my husband and son.

Other Information:
I work in lean manufacturing with a focus on Continuous Improvement and probem solving.


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Member Comments:
FITGRL124
11/27/2011 10:25:04 PM

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Let's make this a FANTASTIC week! Come on - WE CAN DO THIS!!!

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FLORIDASUN
9/12/2011 9:06:43 AM

Miss you! emoticon



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FITGRL124
8/2/2011 1:02:20 PM

WHERE THE HECK HAVE YOU BEEN LADY??????? emoticon



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LALAFLOWERS
8/2/2011 10:47:12 AM

Hope all is well... haven't heard from you for a long time.



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FLORIDASUN
7/12/2011 9:38:46 PM

Hi there...stopping by to say hi and hoping that you are happy and healthy! emoticon



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