My life is starting over!
I'm still on my journey to get healthy, but i'm taking it one day at a time. My starting weight was 265lbs something I'm not proud to share, but it is part of my journey. I've always been a chunky girl but things spiraled out of control quickly. I was fresh out of High School and enjoying not having any school responsibilities and being able to do exactly what I wanted.

When my mom got sick I stepped up to take care of the home, the farm, and ...

My life is starting over!
I'm still on my journey to get healthy, but i'm taking it one day at a time. My starting weight was 265lbs something I'm not proud to share, but it is part of my journey. I've always been a chunky girl but things spiraled out of control quickly. I was fresh out of High School and enjoying not having any school responsibilities and being able to do exactly what I wanted.

When my mom got sick I stepped up to take care of the home, the farm, and anything else that needed to be done. I didn't realize it at the time, but I buried all of my emotions to be strong for my family. Secretly my way of dealing with my emotions was through food. When I didn't feel like I measured up in life food was always there to turn to. It didn't judge me or expect anything out of me.

All of my so called friends from school had moved on with their lives after high school. Some went to college, some left town and the world just kinda took them away from me. Food was still there, still my friend even when everyone else had forgotten about me. It was my love, my friend, my everything. Just as drugs are to a drug attic food was my drug.

I've always tried to lose weight for as long as i can remember and I would have some success with it but I always gave up and gained it back. My mom is overweight, My sister is overweight, My brother is overweight, My dad is overweight, My aunt is overweight, My grandma is overweight..... It kinda runs in the family. At one point I had accepted that genetically I was deemed to be overweight the rest of my life.

I still didn't have any friends, no relationship, I was finally working on getting a career going (still working on that) but I was not happy. I didn't feel good about myself and I started to have a severe guilt about my weight and my poor lifestyle. Yet at the same time when meal time came around I zoned out and felt nothing but contentment. The second I was done the guilt consumed me.

It was time for a change! The feelings that I hid from everyone around me were just growing inside of me. I wanted to find someone to fall in love with, I wanted to feel better about my body, I wanted to not be held back by my weight any longer.

So I came here to SP. At first I lost some weight and felt great then my old habits found their way back into my life somehow and I quit just like all the times before. I never deleted my SP account but I was not on a healthy journey anymore. This summer I started jogging and felt great again and lost a few pounds despite a terrible diet. Then the weather put a damper on my outside jogging and we didn't have a treadmill at the time so yet again I just quit.

I've stuck to wanting to lose this weight and have made baby steps toward the goal, but any little road block or resistance and I was done. I blamed it on people around me for tempting me too much and for not helping me to achieve my goals, but no one put that food in my mouth except me and I started to realize that I was the only one who could help me.

So one day my mom and I made an impulse buy and ordered a treadmill from HSN. Honestly after making the purchase I had anxiety. It was too much money, It might end up being a dud, It wouldn't get used, what a mistake we had made. After a few weeks it finally came and I started working out on it, but my diet was still terrible so the light walking was getting no results except slowly building up my ability to walk without huffing and puffing.

Wanting to change my life around I am now ready to kick this journey into gear and get things back up to speed. The workouts are hard and long but I'm seeing results and that is what matters. I'm eating better food although it is not 100% healthy it is coming along. It's time to learn how to do this for life. I don't want to be the fat girl forever. I don't want to be out of breath and embarrassed. I want to wear cute jeans, western belts with a tucked in shirt without a muffing top and I want to be able to climb up into my saddle without using a truck or mounting block to do so.

Read More About TRAILQUEEN88 (Updated October 23)

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