September 2012 at 165 goal

Me (at 279) and my three amazing kids...James age 9, Samuel age 21 months and Kaleigh age 15 1/2




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Hello Everyone, my name is Tracy. I have been having a hard time for the past several months now. Here are some of my numbers to try to shorten my description:

Joined SP in July 286 pounds.
In September of 2012, I hit my goal weight of 165 pounds.
In April of 2012 I began running and loved it.
In July of 2012, I ran from start to finish my first 5K. I still loved it.
In December of 2012, I ran each day for a total of 100 miles.
In April of 2013, I began wondering what I was aiming for. I had a hard time keeping my weight in check and wasn't looking forward to my running anymore.

Since then I have been struggling. I have gained about 30 pounds back. I am very unhappy with myself and seem to keep grasping on different things to try to find my lifestyle, but thus far nothing has worked. I have tried running again, but am still finding it feeling like a chore, probably because I am looking at it as a job/chore and I am mad at myself that I am not in the shape I was just a year ago. After months of doing this, I made some new years resolutions, figuring that had to work. I feel like I MUST know what I need to do. But they came crashing down around day 10. I suppose I should note here, I am a food addict and I am pretty sure I suffer from binge eating disorder. I have been thinking for days, I decided that the time I was happiest was when I was active on Spark. I believe it is because I always searched myself and came up with goals and plans to achieve them. I need to do something to keep myself in check. So, here I am back sparking. I also searched my thoughts about starting a new name or coming back to this one. It is kinda shameful to look at what I had done on this old name and feel like I let others but mostly myself down. But then decided that this is what I need to do, go back to this girl who lost the weight, who found the motivation and determination to follow through with making goals and setting plans. I decided it was truly time to live up to my name on spark.....


Member Since: 7/8/2011

Fitness Minutes: 40,738

My Goals:
Get back to my goal weight range of 163-168 pounds.

Find my love for running again.

Run a half marathon.

Get smaller and leaner, not skinny.

My Program:
Eat in my calorie range

Weight lifting 3x a week

Running/cardio 3x a week

Learn that it doesn't have to be all or nothing

Personal Information:
My name is Tracy.

I am 40 years old.

I live in Connecticut, USA.

I am married to my high school sweetheart, have been for 17 years.

I have 3 AMAZING children, Kaleigh, 18, James, 13 and Samuel 4 years.

Other Information:
I love:

my family
my friends
my new home
Big Bang Theory
UConn Huskies men basketball

Read More About TRACYNOTGIVINUP - Profile Information moved here. (Updated January 19)

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 current weight: 190.0 
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    Hi! I am sorry your daughter is so difficult. It's too bad that she can't go away to school. I think it really gives the kids a different perspective to have to work through relationships with someone who is not family and therefore is not obliged to love them whatever they say and do. I get that from my youngest. I am supposed to love her so she can treat us anyway she wants. I think it was an eyeopener for her last week when she saw how happy we were to leave her at college and go out and have fun without her.. She really does want to go away and be on her own but I guess in her head we need to stay home and miss her. DH and I are very ready to be empty nesters and start doing things which does not involve checking the calendar for what is on DD's activity schedule. Don't let her negativity get you down. You can be very successful and she has sour grapes.
    It sounds like your weather is like ours from yesterday. Really unpleasant. Today we have a bright sunny and much warmer day but we have had so much rain that I can't do anything in the yard. When I walk across the grass it squishes. In the last 2 days we got more rain than the whole previous month.
    I had a really good workout today. I lifted over 38000 pounds on my ST circuit. I have added another machine that does assisted pullups and dips. It is a totally different feeling from the other machines that exercise those muscles. I think it engages the core more as well. I am not very good at it. I have it on a setting that subtracts 108 pounds from my weight and can only do 5-6 reps before I have to stop. By the end of next month I hope to reach 10 reps and subtract 1 plate from my assist.
    Have a good rest of the day!
    1421 days ago
    Hi! I have been doing pretty well on my steps even though I am not forcing reaching 10000 each day. I exceeded 10000 steps 4 out of 7 days last week. O the 3 days I did not reach 10000 I exceeded 9000 once, 6000 yesterday and 5000 last Sunday. More importantly I did not feel exhausted all week. I am reasonably active but not killing myself. Today I am unlikely to reach very many steps since it will be raining all day again. Yesterday I got a lot of steps in because I did about an hour or 2 of spring cleaning. I took down my collection of depression glass vases, washed them and returned them to the high shelves in my sunroom. In order to reach those shelves I have to use a 4 foot step ladder so that was a lot of steps. I own in 34 vases so it was a fair bit of moving the ladder and going up and down. I then went to the mall to look at mother of the bride dresses. No luck there, since I want something pretty and styles to day are really ugly. I am thinking of going to Pennsylvania which has a bridal Nordstrum store. I haven't hit a bridal store yet except for David's bridal and I would like something a little better made since I see myself using the dress for years. So I don't want a lot of glitz but I do want something pretty and without a lot of horizontal lines. Why anyone would want to wear something with horizontal stitching or pleats really blows my mind. Especially when it is in larger sizes.
    Today is a somewhat laid back day. I dropped DD2 off at dance this morning, we pick her up and go to noon mass. Then we drop her off at dance again right after mass. We go home and have lunch, she gets a bagged lunch. After we pick her up she finishes homework, we eat dinner and she and DH go to youth group. I get to do what ever I want, which will probably be finish my taxes so we can send off the returns tomorrow and be done with it.
    We did enjoy the movie last night. I think I prefer to wait for a movie to come out and buy it so I can watch it at home. DH and I can then talk to each other and since we were curious about the history we were able to check things on the internet. If you haven't seen it I recommend it. I totally blew my calories yesterday. We were going to try a new Peruvian restaurant but when we went there it was so new it hadn't opened yet so we went to the Olive Garden instead. We had there 3 course meal special and that one meal exceeded my daily allowance. I am not too concerned it was one meal and we enjoyed it very much. I won't make my weight loss goal this month but I did lose 5 pounds which I will record on Tuesday. I also lost an inch in my waist and my fat jeans are looser. I am still 72 pounds below my high weight. One day at a time.
    Have a great day today and I hope your team keeps winning.
    1422 days ago
    Good Afternoon! I am glad yesterday went better for you. It occurs to me that you may very well find that your son has a huge maturity jump between 8th grade and 9th grade. All 3 of mine did. Not saying that it was as dramatic for my Aspie as it was for the older ones but even she had a maturity jump. She just will always be a mish mash of mature and immature. Because she is very bright she can hold very mature conversations but she doesn't do it often at home and she hits us with all the worst behaviors to relieve her stress. Does not make it fun to parent her.
    So hold on to the fact that most kids grow between MS and HS. Your son may yet surprise you.
    We are taking DD2 to an overnight stay at University of MD. She spends the night with a host student and tomorrow she attends an accepted student open house. We are leaving her on her own. Big step for us. DH and I will then have a date night and eat dinner out. I will probably exceed calories because dinner will be late and I expect to be famished. I am slightly hungry now and lunch was only 90 minutes ago. By 7 tonight I will be starved. Tomorrow morning I can sleep in. The luxury of not having to get up at 6 AM.
    I did an hour of cardio this morning. Not as energetic as yesterday. My legs were definitely slow to wake up and never quite made it. So far this week I got in 11000 steps on Monday 10000 on Tuesday 9400 yesterday and am on target to exceed 10000 today. That is from my daily exercise and normal movement during the day. I am not pushing myself to reach 10000 each day. This weekend I will not do any cardio and just measure normal steps. I would like to spend some time in the yard weather permitting. It is calling for showers all weekend. Today hopefully will be the last frigid day. The weather man did use that 4 letter word again though (snow).
    I weigh myself on the 1st for my official weight but I don't expect to reach my goal for the month. It is a lot harder to relose this weight.
    Wishing you a great weekend and I hope your team wins!

    1425 days ago
  • v BBORDEN86
    Okay, so I forgot to follow you on pinterest... but last night before bed I was looking into the whole 30 pins. I was going to try it this morning until I realized I had coffee with creamer in it and also scrambled my eggs with a little bit of milk. 3 scrambled eggs, and I've already had a banana for snack. Lunch isn't at all whole 30 friendly, leftovers penne with chicken and italian sausage, sooo... I might have to try again tomorrow. :/ I'll eventually get the hang of it. Sugar is huge for me apparently. No wonder I constantly eat. I was thinking about it after i made my coffee this morning. There is sugar in my creamer, and I put extra sugar in it. My husband is forever telling me it tastes like sugar water. Now.... I totally get it.
    1425 days ago
    Just read your intro again. It occurs to me that you beat up on yourself too much. You get so driven at doing something and while you have the enthusiasm about doing something new there is no stopping you. After a while when the enthusiasm wears off you start second guessing yourself and feeling bad about not approaching something with the same degree of drive/joy that you used to have. prepping to run the half marathon was a large part of your joy of running. However to spend the amount of energy and time to do it while juggling 3 kids is wearing. My DS can do it because other than his job and his social life he has no other demands on his time. Having 3 kids with a 13 year spread is a job and a half. I only have 1 still at home and DH and I have been counting down all year until we don't have to see that she catches the bus every morning, does her homework, gets to her after school activities etc etc.
    Don't be so hard on yourself. You are doing great! You caught yourself before you hit the dreaded 200 ( I wish I had). Get yourself back down to a weight you can be comfortable with. Eat sensible and don't deprive yourself to the point that food is an obsession.
    Have a great day!
    1426 days ago
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