30,000-39,999 SparkPoints

September 2012 at 165 goal

Me (at 279) and my three amazing kids...James age 9, Samuel age 21 months and Kaleigh age 15 1/2

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Livin' Up to My Name

Hello Everyone, my name is Tracy. I have been having a hard time for the past several months now. Here are some of my numbers to try to shorten my description:

Joined SP in July 286 pounds.
In September of 2012, I hit my goal weight of 165 pounds.
In April of 2012 I began running and loved it.
In July of 2012, I ran from start to finish my first 5K. I still loved it.
In December of 2012, I ran each day for a total of 100 miles.
In April of ...
Hello Everyone, my name is Tracy. I have been having a hard time for the past several months now. Here are some of my numbers to try to shorten my description:

Joined SP in July 286 pounds.
In September of 2012, I hit my goal weight of 165 pounds.
In April of 2012 I began running and loved it.
In July of 2012, I ran from start to finish my first 5K. I still loved it.
In December of 2012, I ran each day for a total of 100 miles.
In April of 2013, I began wondering what I was aiming for. I had a hard time keeping my weight in check and wasn't looking forward to my running anymore.

Since then I have been struggling. I have gained about 30 pounds back. I am very unhappy with myself and seem to keep grasping on different things to try to find my lifestyle, but thus far nothing has worked. I have tried running again, but am still finding it feeling like a chore, probably because I am looking at it as a job/chore and I am mad at myself that I am not in the shape I was just a year ago. After months of doing this, I made some new years resolutions, figuring that had to work. I feel like I MUST know what I need to do. But they came crashing down around day 10. I suppose I should note here, I am a food addict and I am pretty sure I suffer from binge eating disorder. I have been thinking for days, I decided that the time I was happiest was when I was active on Spark. I believe it is because I always searched myself and came up with goals and plans to achieve them. I need to do something to keep myself in check. So, here I am back sparking. I also searched my thoughts about starting a new name or coming back to this one. It is kinda shameful to look at what I had done on this old name and feel like I let others but mostly myself down. But then decided that this is what I need to do, go back to this girl who lost the weight, who found the motivation and determination to follow through with making goals and setting plans. I decided it was truly time to live up to my name on spark.....

Read More About TRACYNOTGIVINUP (Updated January 19)



My Ticker:

 current weight: 190.0 


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Member Since: 7/8/2011

SparkPoints: 32,947

Fitness Minutes: 40,738

My Goals:
Get back to my goal weight range of 163-168 pounds.

Find my love for running again.

Run a half marathon.

Get smaller and leaner, not skinny.

My Program:
Eat in my calorie range

Weight lifting 3x a week

Running/cardio 3x a week

Learn that it doesn't have to be all or nothing

Personal Information:
My name is Tracy.

I am 40 years old.

I live in Connecticut, USA.

I am married to my high school sweetheart, have been for 17 years.

I have 3 AMAZING children, Kaleigh, 18, James, 13 and Samuel 4 years.

Other Information:
I love:

my family
my friends
my new home
Big Bang Theory
UConn Huskies men basketball

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Member Comments:
4/2/2014 7:04:13 PM

Good afternoon! Hope you are having a good day. I know it is your busy day so I guess you have been running around. I am doing OK. Have cut back my calories so I am mildly hungry even though I just finished dinner. Hopefully that feeling will go away soon and not come back when it is time for bed. The dress I ordered from Macy's to possibly wear to the wedding came in. In the picture on line it is slightly lighter in blue than your back ground. In reality it is navy. Not quite what I had in mind. It is supposed to be tea length so it comes down to just above my ankles not at my calves. I am 5'6" which may not be really tall but is also not short. I think I am still above average for height.
Just got back to this after a trip to the grocery store after dropping DD2 at dance. I have had a successful day. Lifted 39000 pounds at the gym today. I am 91 calories under my daily allotment. I will probably have some tea later to keep me from wanting something to eat.
DD1's shower is in one month so her matron of honor is coming to dinner on Sat. so we can plan it. DD2 has a dance recital Sat afternoon. So I am looking at a busy week.
Have a good evening.

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4/1/2014 1:13:46 PM

Good Afternoon! Thanks for commenting on my blog. I am disappointed but I will live. I have to be stricter with what I eat. For me that will be very hard because I love food. I generally eat very healthy but I have a large appetite. So today for lunch I had 2 Wasa crackers, 2 Tbs of peanut butter (haven't allowed myself to eat peanut butter in a long time because it is so high calorie) and an orange for 327 calories. Breakfast was oatmeal my way. 1/2 cup old fashioned oatmeal, 1/4 cup whey powder, 2 TBS ground flax seed, 1 tsp cinnamon, 1 tsp sugar, 1 banana and 1.5 cups water for a grand total of 444 calories. That with my morning coffee wipes out 815 of my 1200-1550 calorie allowance. I am not exactly full after lunch so I will have some tea to keep my mind off food. Tonight we are having a Costco chicken with steamed cauliflower and carrots and a baked potato. If I limit myself to 2 drumsticks I should end up at 508 calories for dinner. I don't care for white meat and am the only one who likes drumsticks. I can do it today the question is what will I feel like tomorrow. Today was my light exercise day only an hour of cardio. Tomorrow is my full workout day and I burn in excess of 600 calories working out. Supposedly for my weight I should eat 1900 calories just to maintain. With my activity level I should eat 2300 calories. I ought to be losing more weight than I do. However my metabolism has slowed down to such an extent that I don't lose the weight. I know I work out really strenuously. Today I spent an hour in my aerobic range while exercising. My average HR was 131 and my high heart rate was 152. I supposedly burned 463 calories according to my HRM. Yesterday I burned over 700 calories. OK enough whining.
I hope you are having a pretty day. We are supposed to be in the 60's today and the sun is shining. If it wasn't so wet I would be out in the yard working. DH and I are going out soon to order his Tux for the wedding. Then we are going to Costco for the chicken.
Have a great day!

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4/1/2014 10:59:25 AM

I've been thinking about you wrote me the other day Tracy, about accountability and checking in with each other. I think that I'll take you up on that. That hopefully will help me! I've had a few Oreos for breakfast with milk. I mean, come on, it's like my sugar addiction is out of control and if it's around, I'll find it. I know that if I entirely cut out simple carbs, I really go nuts! I'm not a planner and that's a lot of my problem. I do have a good lean roast in the crockpot for today and that will be healthy with some potatoes and a veggie along with it. You have done sooo good and I admire you so much. Thank you for who you are! Hugs to you, Karen

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3/31/2014 4:52:56 PM

Sorry about the double post my computer got a hiccup

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3/31/2014 4:51:51 PM

Hi! I am sorry your daughter is so difficult. It's too bad that she can't go away to school. I think it really gives the kids a different perspective to have to work through relationships with someone who is not family and therefore is not obliged to love them whatever they say and do. I get that from my youngest. I am supposed to love her so she can treat us anyway she wants. I think it was an eyeopener for her last week when she saw how happy we were to leave her at college and go out and have fun without her.. She really does want to go away and be on her own but I guess in her head we need to stay home and miss her. DH and I are very ready to be empty nesters and start doing things which does not involve checking the calendar for what is on DD's activity schedule. Don't let her negativity get you down. You can be very successful and she has sour grapes.
It sounds like your weather is like ours from yesterday. Really unpleasant. Today we have a bright sunny and much warmer day but we have had so much rain that I can't do anything in the yard. When I walk across the grass it squishes. In the last 2 days we got more rain than the whole previous month.
I had a really good workout today. I lifted over 38000 pounds on my ST circuit. I have added another machine that does assisted pullups and dips. It is a totally different feeling from the other machines that exercise those muscles. I think it engages the core more as well. I am not very good at it. I have it on a setting that subtracts 108 pounds from my weight and can only do 5-6 reps before I have to stop. By the end of next month I hope to reach 10 reps and subtract 1 plate from my assist.
Have a good rest of the day!

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