TO_NEVERWHERE   14,380
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Convocation 2010: Wore a *dress* despite usually being too self-conscious! :)





St. Patrick's Day 2010 (Erin, Cassie, & myself)





Picture of the boy and I, from New Years 2008.



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Re-Education?

As of January 5, 2012, I am revisiting my SparkPeople profile, in the hopes that this year will be "the year" that I am finally able to commit to and actively work towards my goals. This marks the fifth year of my weight loss struggle, and I am growing frustrated with my lack of willpower. There are countless reasons why I would like to lose the weight - health (now and in the future), self-image, wearing cute clothes, and now an upcoming wedding - but my previous years of failure are very ...
As of January 5, 2012, I am revisiting my SparkPeople profile, in the hopes that this year will be "the year" that I am finally able to commit to and actively work towards my goals. This marks the fifth year of my weight loss struggle, and I am growing frustrated with my lack of willpower. There are countless reasons why I would like to lose the weight - health (now and in the future), self-image, wearing cute clothes, and now an upcoming wedding - but my previous years of failure are very discouraging. :(

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MY HISTORY:

I've struggled with "weight problems" as I will call them, as well as body image and self-esteem issues for quite a long time. I always dealt with the name-calling, and etc. from classroom bullies, but the first majorly traumatizing event that I remember happened in the sixth grade. My school was jumping on the "Child ID" cards, for safety purposes, which had a photograph and listed various physical characteristics: eye colour, hair colour, height, WEIGHT and others. Just like getting a yearbook, when we were issued the cards, everyone in my sixth grade class was passing them around and looking at everyone's. I wasn't too thrilled with that idea so I didn't participate, but my closest friends were taking a peek and screamed out, "120 lbs?! Wow Jen, that's so high!"

Looking back on it, maybe it's kind of silly, but I'm fairly sure that began the decade and a bit of self-hatred and consciously struggling with my weight and appearance.

Fast-forward to today: I am currently 24, and have graduated from University with a degree in Child and Youth Studies, as well as a degree in Education. I haven't had luck yet on the teaching front, and am working a retail job while my boyfriend finishes school. Despite having progressed so far since these issues all started, I am still struggling with accepting myself. For the past 14 years, my weight and personal perception of my appearance have held me back from participating in a number of activities. I haven't owned a bathing suit or a pair of shorts for at least six years because I don't want other people to see me. This means summers are often long and torturous.

I always "renew" my goals and motivation at the beginning of the month, the year - but no progress is made. I slip back into old habits. I don't know what it is going to take to break through this barrier, but I can't be a slave to my weight anymore. I deserve to be happy and enjoy my life. Also, when the time comes to get married, have children, etc., I don't want my weight and self-consciousness to hold me back. Something must be done. I don't believe in myself just yet, but I NEED to.

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Every human being is the author of his own health or disease. ~Buddha

"Which road should I take?" she asked the cat.
"Where do you want to get to?" the cat asked helpfully.
"I don't know," admitted Alice.
"Then," advised the cat, "any road will take you there."
-- Alice in Wonderland

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WEIGHT GOALS:
Admittedly, I haven't been very good at setting concrete goals for myself, and I think that's why I have been failing for so many years. Reading through the various forums here, I got the idea to set "5%" goals. Each subsequent goal weight will be 5% of the previous goal. 5% seems reasonable, not too daunting, so let's see how this will go.

START (05/01/12): 155

GOAL 1: 147.2
Reached:

GOAL 2: 139.8
Reached:

GOAL 3: 132.8
Reached:

GOAL 4: 126.2
Reached:

FINAL GOAL: 120
Reached:

I am toying with the idea of putting some rewards in there because I have never used those either, but not really sure where I should go with that...
Read More About TO_NEVERWHERE (Updated January 14)




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 current weight: 148.0 
 
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154.5
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120


 
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Member Since: 10/28/2006

SparkPoints: 14,380

Fitness Minutes: 4,960

My Goals:
- Reduce the amount of empty carbs I consume: bread, chips, etc.
- Complete the Couch to 5k running program.
- LT: Run 5k outdoors.

Personal Information:
Brock University alumni; graduated with degrees in (1) Child and Youth Studies; and (2) Education.

To get in contact with me, send me a message through SP. I love having new friends and buddies to keep me on track!

Other Information:
I have been in a relationship with my high school sweetheart for over ten years, and we are recently engaged! I am very grateful to have him in my life.

I'm also a bit of a gamer, currently obsessed with Terraria.

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Member Comments:
SWEETBASIL14981
5/21/2011 12:00:28 PM

Hi emoticon Thank you for the kind words and the birthday ballons on my page and I wish you a wonderful and fantastic day!



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TURTLE69
5/20/2011 9:10:17 PM

Welcome to the Emotional Eaters Team! emoticon Feel free to add me to your friends. If you need any support or just someone to talk with, give me a holler.

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Vanessa



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WILLOW49
5/18/2011 8:53:44 AM

Welcome to the EE team :) If you haven't already done so, be sure to stop by the team and introduce yourself. Let's get going!
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KAMPER716
5/4/2011 2:58:01 PM

Thank you so much for reading my first blog entry and for posting your comments!! I would like to add you as a friend if that is ok emoticon



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THIRTEENREASONS
5/2/2011 8:53:56 PM

Thanks for adding me as a sparkfriend. I just read you "about me" section, and it sounds so much like me it's almost scary. Hopefully we will get to the point where weight doesn't define us... but sadly, I meet these young kids who are worried about how they look when all they should be worried about is playing during recess and just being kids.



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