Thank you for commenting on my blog Things are about to get real. It was a hard decision for me to delve into my past like that, but I needed to do it...for Robin and for all those who lose their battle to those demons every day. I had to face possible judgment to do what's right. People know me now. The past is what helped me get to this place: a strong person who never gives up because she has overcome so much.
I'm very happy to say that I have not experienced clinical depression since successfully going through treatment. I still have an online group support that I stay in communication with to encourage others to continue the good fight and help them find healing and also to check in when I need real help because the way I stay in the light is being able to see when my mood disorders are rearing their ugly head. This year has been especially hard and trying. This week was getting to me, but after a few days, I was like, "I know this hole" and I pulled myself out of it. My daughter helps a lot because I love her so much and she is the sweetest girl. Sensing her Mommy was having a bad week, I came home to excitement and surprises almost every day this week. She is my precious, precious angel and greatest gift from God. I so love being her Mommy and we let each other know every day what we mean to each other.
Robin's children are grown and I think that's why they were not enough, especially after learning more of the story. I knew about the heart surgery, but he found out he had Parkinson's. That is a debilitating illness and he must have been triggered because again he will be a burden to his family in his mind. My parents raised me to be independent, a little too independent actually. I want to do everything on my own, but one thing I learned in therapy is that while it's okay to be self-reliant, there is also no shame in asking for help. The goal is to be interdependent vs independent or dependent. I hope that makes sense.
I agree though that with his wife defending her husband and bringing awareness how we need to remove the stigma and encourage people to seek treatment is wonderful. There have been many news outlets who are now fighting to cure the ignorance on this illness and to see friends and colleagues also work to turn this around has been an amazing thing to see!
I got help later than I wanted to because people talked me out of it due to the stigma, but once I got into the light, I was at first kicking myself because I should have went sooner. I could have been basking in the light sooner and then I said, "Enough. I can't undo the past, but I can live very fully in the present." That's what I do now. Every day on this Earth is a very precious gift to me. One I do not take lightly anymore. I'm making up for lost time and I want to live as long as I can to experience all the things I would like to experience and to complete the work God put me on Earth to complete. I love my life now. It's not perfect, but it doesn't need to be. It's not the end game, but the journey.
Thanks for being such a supportive friend and reading AND responding to my spark blogs. I was looking through your spark teams and we really ARE quite a bit alike!! I didn't realized there was a team especially made for me (the Clear the Clutter team!!). I may have to join it when I'm not so busy. Thanks again, Kelly
If a person has ugly thoughts, it begins to show on the face. And when that person has ugly thoughts every day, every week, every year, the face gets uglier and uglier until it gets so ugly you can hardly bear to look at it. A person who has good thoughts cannot ever be ugly. You can have a wonky nose and a crooked mouth and a double chin and stick-out teeth. But if you have good thoughts they will shine out of your face like sunbeams and you will always look lovely. ~Roald Dahl~
Enjoy your Sunday!! Fill the hours with sunshine, sweet smiles, songs, and special people in your life!! Barb