I get the feeling that you are being overwhelmed by the length of the journey in front of you. I noticed that you have been on SP for quite awhile, but aren't very active (which further strengthens my feeling that you are overwhelmed).
My suggestion for you is that you stop looking at how far the path extends in front of you and focus more on the next TWO steps that you are going to take. Anybody can take the first step... its the second step that confirms the commitment of the first.
Start checking in with SP everyday. Try to start a streak... a streak of anything... making your bed everyday, logging in for your SP points, finding something wonderful/joyful in your life (no matter how large or small), etc.
I know you can do it! You can start with very small steps and slowly, very slowly, make progress. I'm here... everyday. If you need to talk, vent or otherwise get something off your chest... email me. I would love to help you along your journey. I can only walk with you, but I'm more than willing to do that!
I hope to hear from you soon. Be well. 2029 days ago