SPARKETTE-CJ   6,665
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2014 not the best year for me :(

So I made it through the first quarter of the year with learning to live with mild seizures after being hospitalized for it...really nothing much, on meds and seems to be under control.
What I CANNOT live with and have been SUFFERING tremendously with is shoulder impingement, labrum tear, arthritis in shoulder AND now just found out I am double whammied, (as my second dr put it) with NECK disc herniation. She also believes I have other compressed discs too since I have had sciatica ...
So I made it through the first quarter of the year with learning to live with mild seizures after being hospitalized for it...really nothing much, on meds and seems to be under control.
What I CANNOT live with and have been SUFFERING tremendously with is shoulder impingement, labrum tear, arthritis in shoulder AND now just found out I am double whammied, (as my second dr put it) with NECK disc herniation. She also believes I have other compressed discs too since I have had sciatica before but that comes and goes...but this started off with my arm and shoulder sort of freezing up and severe pain, on a level 10. Dr tried cortisone shot, which did ZERO,nothing. Went through about 4 sessions so far of physical therapy. I have finally after six months regained a tiny bit of mobility in my arm. BUT now the pain has started up again at about a level 9. They tried a second cortisone shot, again it did NOTHING. I am still in p.t. and am at wits end with this.

I am up many nights in tears and can only sleep on my right side. Here's the scary part. NOW my RIGHT arm/shoulder is beginning to hurt a little. I am PETRIFIED. If I lose that one too, then what? I feel so cheated in life since I am only 63 yrs old. Our life is not the typical happy life most people have. I wonder if God hates me sometimes. I have no grandkids, no vacations, no nice home, and just agony most often. What kind of life is that to live? I have thought often, what's the purpose of being here? What does God want me to do? I pray and it doesn't help. I see everyone I know around me, including my siblings with wonderful NORMAL lives, living in beautiful lake homes, with big happy families for holidays, vacations etc etc. I have two kids...our holidays consist of the four of us. I am a misfit and I know it. I am abnormal and I know it. If you look on sp alone, you will see HAPPY people everywhere with NORMAL lives...big families, vacations, etc. Oh yes, I am sure many have issues, or pain in their lives too and I am so sorry for those that do. But I feel they at LEAST have some of the other good things to make up for it. I lack for so much in comparison to NORMAL people. Does this sound like a sob story, or a pity me story? Well it is. I have had it because living with pain daily for over six months has got the best of me now and like I said, if I had at least some of the finer things in life MOST people have to make up for some of the pain, maybe it wouldn't be quite as bad..Idk...and then to see my husband suffering along side me. He has so many health issues of his own and putting them on the back burner because of me. We have ten cats we have to care for and it's not easy. Litter boxes are very heavy and my husband has a hernia. I can't carry anything with one arm. Life is not a bowl of cherries for me. I PRAY and PRAY, but to no avail.

AND then there are my kids. Neither of them married. My poor daughter cannot find a good guy for anything. She's had relationships that end up with the guys being jerks or alcoholics etc. More than anything else, I pray to God to PLEASE, help my daughter...and my son too, though he's younger. I would ask God to take care of my kids even before healing me. My kids come first always.
Read More About SPARKETTE-CJ (Updated December 12)




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Member Since: 2/23/2007

My Goals:
To see my kids happy and pray they don't follow in my footsteps.

My Program:
I am in physical therapy for shoulder impingement and neck disc compression so I do exercises only for those at home when I can.

Personal Information:
I'm from the Chicago area, although this is not my choice of best places to live.

Hopefully someday, I will have a country life away from the crowded highways.

Other Information:
I consider myself a misfit in life. I know for certain I am not a typical normal person. I haven't got the nice things most of my friends or family have. I live in pain daily now wit my shoulder and neck issues and I am very unhappy. Plus I see my daughter very sad and unhappy and it KILLS me more than anything...I know God doesn't hate me, but I feel like he does sometimes...I pray more that he makes my daughter happy than me..that is first.

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Member Comments:
HEALTHYBEAR24
2/6/2014 2:48:29 PM

Happy Birthday



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SPARKETTE-CJ
2/3/2014 10:52:28 AM

So thoughtful, thank you momma48 and Laura44851!!! I appreciate it, especially since I don't come on Sparkpeople as often as I should so I know I miss many birthdays..so thank you again.



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LAURA44851
2/2/2014 4:22:42 PM

Happy Birthday emoticon emoticon emoticon



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MOMMA48
2/1/2014 10:26:36 AM

emoticon emoticon Happy Birthday! emoticon emoticon



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SPARKETTE-CJ
2/1/2014 9:54:43 AM

aww thank you Janet and also Judith and Antiquesareme for the birthday goodies and wishes... appreciate it!

Comment edited on: 2/1/2014 9:55:54 AM

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