SINGSMILESHINE  
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~Sing. Smile. Shine.~

20 going on 21. Rising college senior at a challenging university. Still trying to "find myself" and grow up at the same time.

Prone to unrealistic expectations, perfectionism, and stress. Maybe a little too emotional.

Somehow in the past 5 years, my body - my face - my self has become an object of utmost scorn and hatred- models and actresses - actually, everyone but me- have become goddesses; and food has become not a blessing but a curse...a devil with ...
20 going on 21. Rising college senior at a challenging university. Still trying to "find myself" and grow up at the same time.

Prone to unrealistic expectations, perfectionism, and stress. Maybe a little too emotional.

Somehow in the past 5 years, my body - my face - my self has become an object of utmost scorn and hatred- models and actresses - actually, everyone but me- have become goddesses; and food has become not a blessing but a curse...a devil with manipulative powers beyond my imagination.

I'm trying to get myself out of varying bouts of anorexia/ mild bulimia / binge eating disorder.

I want to be happy and healthy again. I want to eat with other people. I want to stand up without feeling like fainting. I want to go a whole day without crying. I want to look in the mirror without cringing.
I want to wear other clothes besides black t- shirts. I want to be able to sleep again.

I don't want to spend my spare time fantasizing about binges that leave me doubled over in pain, puking my brains off, running until I want to cry, or abusing laxatives. I don't want to eat packs upon packs of sugar free soda, candy and gum to quell hunger pangs. I don't want to end every shopping trip crying secretly about how I make everything look ugly. I don't want to keep snapping at and withdrawing from the people closest to me. I don't want to put up of a front that everything is okay when it isn't.

At 5'9" and 132 lbs, I'm more unhappy with my body than I have ever been. I don't even remember how this started.

But I also know that I am stronger than I give myself credit for. I will find a way out of this.

I will tone my pooch up the healthy way. I will eat healthy, spaced out food with no binges, no purges, no vlcds, no bouts of starvation, no punishing workouts. I will smile and laugh, and start to see life - my life - and myself as beautiful again.




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 current weight: 132.0 
 
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Member Since: 5/17/2011

SparkPoints: 0

Fitness Minutes: 0

My Goals:

5'9" 132 lbs to 120 lbs

Flattish abs, negligible lovehandles, and a less chubby face.

^ That might have been a little negative. Oops. I'll change it as I go along? ;)

BUT MOST IMPORTANT - self confidence and self love. Energy, decreased stress, more smiles.

My Program:
1350 calories a day, the healthy way. 1400 calories a day is my BMR, so I will cycle to 1400 calories when I plateau/ feel cranky.

Toning up through dance videos / jogging / elliptical / yoga / pilates 5 - 6 days / week.


Personal Information:
You can call me Amy.

I love to read, write, and sing.

I'm a chocolate - filled coconut. Figure that out if you can. I struggle with it everyday. :)

I adore romantic comedies, musicals, rpg video games like the Final Fantasy / Kingdom Hearts, anything Harry Potter, and anything Disney. Glee and Korean dramas are my current OBSESSIONS. They make my summers more eventful. Classy, I know.

I'm a bit of a loner - but I'm very outgoing once you get to know me. My inner dork / nerd shines through :)

I'm looking for a buddy, preferably in a similar confusing situation with food right now - for mutual encouragement / support / motivation? Please message me if you are interested!

Even if not, feel free to message me / sparkfriend me / post on my page. This site seems to have an amazing community, and I would love to get to know more people. I'll try my best to message / comment / friend back!




Other Information:
" I'm beautiful in my way
'Cause God makes no mistakes; I'm on the right track, baby; I was born this way"

"Strong is the new skinny"


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Rainbow
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JENJEN1004

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WILLOW49

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SP_STAFF




Member Comments:
WILLOW49
5/18/2011 8:54:00 AM

Welcome to the EE team :) If you haven't already done so, be sure to stop by the team and introduce yourself. Let's get going!
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