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It's been a little over two years since I abruptly stopped using my SparkPeople page. I was in a great place in my life... working a job I loved, dating a man I thought might be "The One." I guess I figured I didn't need a crutch anymore. I was invincible! There was nothing the world could throw at me that I couldn't handle. My weight was the least of my worries.

When Mr. Wrong (who seemed so Right) wined me and dined me, I threw my calorie-counting and good eating habits out the window. Love was delicious! When it came time to decide between staying out all night on the town or going to bed at a decent hour so I had time for the gym in the morning, guess which won out?

Already on a path of destruction, I'd begun putting on a little padding even before my bulletproof bubble popped. I discovered he wasn't who I thought he was, at the same time my employers decided I wasn't who they thought I was, either. In the span of a couple of months, I'd lost the dreamboat and the dream job.

So of course, I turned to the two men in my life who never disappointed me: Ben and Jerry. With no active social life, no job, and no real prospects for either, I spent a lot of time on the couch, watching TV and playing on the computer. My exercise consisted of lifting a spoon to my lips. Not the best cardio, I can tell you that.

Wallowing in it for about a year, there was a time when I sunk so low that I had fantasies about becoming one with my futon. Nothing made me want to leave the safety of my house, at least to go any further than the local convenience store. I was eating from there almost exclusively by this point. Hot dogs, boxed frozen meals, and... yeah, Red Velvet Cake ice cream. To. Die. For. Literally.

Only through the valiant efforts of my family did I finally come to my senses. Dragged to my senses kicking and screaming is more like it. I moved back to my hometown, found a new job, and started to get my life back in order.

Sadly, it's going to take a long time to get my body back in order. I've abused it horribly. I wish I could say it was only negligence, but it's gone far beyond mere apathy. I was actively trying to destroy myself physically. Suicide the coward's way; death by chocolate.

If I were religious, I'd say I have a lot of atoning to do for the sins I've committed against my body. But I can't do it all at once, and I'm not even going to try. It's too overwhelming. Instead, I'm slinking back to SP in the hopes that I can slowly get myself on track. Small changes in the beginning, but hopefully ones that will lead me back to a healthy routine, and eventually, a healthy body.

I miss it.

Member Since: 4/18/2009

Fitness Minutes: 3,430

My Goals:
Begin 212 lbs. -- 04/06/09
Reach 199 lbs. -- 05/14/09
Reach 190 lbs. -- 06/03/09
Reach 180 lbs. -- 07/04/09
Reach 170 lbs. -- 07/31/09
Reach 160 lbs. -- 09/02/09
Reach 150 lbs. -- 10/08/09

Begin 225 lbs. -- 01/03/12
Reach 212 lbs. -- 02/11/12
Reach 199 lbs. -- 04/04/12
Reach 190 lbs. -- 05/10/12
Reach 180 lbs. --

My Program:
K & G Wellness
Owosso, MI

Capital Fitness
Lansing, MI

A healthy diet for life consisting of lean meat and vegetable proteins, complex carbs, and "good" fats (Omega 3's). High in fiber and low in sodium. Lots of fruits and vegetables.

1/2 my body weight in water each day. Water is all I drink, and all I really want to drink anymore... aside from a glass of red wine once in a while! :) Oh, and soy milk in my cereal and smoothies.

No: Soda, simple carbs, artifical sweeteners, trans fats, "hydrogenated," "enriched," nitrates, nitrites, and all the other crap chemicals in processed foods.

YES: Eating every 4 hours. Low glycemic index meals chosen for their nutrient content as well as their flavor. Vegan protein smoothies, protein bars, and fiber supplement. Attempting to cut down on animal and dairy proteins.

Strength training 1x per week, cardio at least 3x per week. Trying to work in 30 minutes of activity EVERY day.

Personal Information:
Still a single mom, but now my son lives out on his own at college. Total empty nest syndrome. Taking this opportunity not to feel sorry for myself for being lonely, but to get my own life together.

I'm impatient and want everything to happen NOW. To combat this, I'm trying to make smaller goals for myself that are easily in reach. While not losing track of my long-term goal of losing over 100 pounds, I don't want to focus on my goal weight. If I do, I'll give up because it seems so far away.

Feeling pretty good about dropping the first 25 pounds!!

Other Information:
A year from now, you'll wish you began your journey today!

Read More About SHOWERPOGO - Profile Information moved here. (Updated May 10)

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 current weight: 187.0 
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