SHINING_ON   10,429
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Artist's Rendition of an Innerer Schweinehund!





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Mein Innerer Schweinehund

Ich werde meinen innerer Schweinehund zu zähmen.

I am working to tame mein innerer Schweinehund ("my inner pig-dog"): Self-loathing. This is my inner demon, and necessitates that I learn to nurture myself rather than punish myself for my mistakes. I am treating this as a road to recovery from my unhealthy self - physically and emotionally - and an opportunity to make over my life so that I can make consistently positive choices. Rather than beating myself up for past mistakes, ...
Ich werde meinen innerer Schweinehund zu zähmen.

I am working to tame mein innerer Schweinehund ("my inner pig-dog"): Self-loathing. This is my inner demon, and necessitates that I learn to nurture myself rather than punish myself for my mistakes. I am treating this as a road to recovery from my unhealthy self - physically and emotionally - and an opportunity to make over my life so that I can make consistently positive choices. Rather than beating myself up for past mistakes, instead I will exorcise (and exercise!) mein innerer Schweinehund. My mantra is: I am tougher than this, and I deserve to treat myself better. The one person who can best show me the love I deserve is ME.

I was anorexic for 12 years in my teens and early 20s, which never really ended - I just became a fat anorexic. Over the course of just a few years, I went from 92 pounds to 312 pounds due to a combination of medications, undiagnosed endocrine issues, a metabolism very finely tuned by years of starvation, and - of course - many, many mistakes on my part. I have struggled with my weight for almost a decade now, and I have had a lot of learning to do about my body and how to care for myself. I'm not there yet, but I have made significant strides toward being a healthier, fitter, wiser me. I now know that I must fight incredibly hard for every pound - but I'm willing to do whatever it takes to reclaim myself and my health.

I re-committed to myself and my health on May 14, 2012. As of that time, I weighed 312 pounds, which meant my weight had climbed back up to its highest ever. Never again! My goal weight is 130 lbs, give or take, because I do not know what my body should be like at a healthy weight. With ~182 pounds to lose, I have almost 60% of my starting weight to lose. That feels like a daunting challenge, but by approaching my loss one day, one pound at a time, I'm getting there, slowly but surely!

5% lost (296.4) - Met! 6/20/2012
10% lost (280.8) - Met! 11/18/2012
15% lost (265.2)
20% lost (249.6)
25% lost (234.0)
30% lost (218.4)
40% lost (187.2)
50% lost (156.0)
58.33% lost (130.0 - GOAL)
Read More About SHINING_ON (Updated May 20)


Current Status:
SHINING_ON my strawberry-spinach-pineapple smoothie is very brown :| LOL
set 1 hour ago


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 Pounds lost: 43.3 
 
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Member Since: 7/29/2010

SparkPoints: 10,429

Fitness Minutes: 9,563

My Goals:
To enjoy life to the fullest as a healthier, fitter, wiser me.

My Program:
* Striving for daily cardio and strength training 3-4x per week
* Experimenting with my diet to find what combination of food my metabolism responds to best!
* Working to change the dynamic with my husband: going from co-enablers to co-motivators

Personal Information:
As a biologist, I am approaching my weight loss from an objective, experimental point of view. Check out my other blog to read about my experiment in regaining health: http://mythriftygenotype.wordpress.com/

Other Information:
I love science & research, reading classic literature, photography, writing short stories and poems, hiking, gardening, and last, but not least, spending time with my husband and our two jack russells.

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Member Comments:
ALPHAEVE
5/8/2013 2:17:36 AM

I just have to say that your comments on my non-SP blog couldn't have come at a better time, and I really needed to hear what you said right then! Spark People has been a pretty wonderful resource for me and gift to me for a lot of reasons, but getting to begin to know you and become friends with you is definitely one of the best parts. I just wanted to very sincerely tell you thank you for being you! I can't wait to see all the things you accomplish through your journey here and beyond, and I can't wait to keep getting to know you!



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ALPHAEVE
5/5/2013 8:22:04 PM

Thanks for the cheers! I'm pretty excited this is actually working for me. Right now, I'm staying - on average - under 30 fiber-less carbs. I usually eat around 50g - 60g of carbs a day, but try to hit 25-30g of fiber! I also try not to exceed about 10g of fiberless carbs per meal, just because I figure that gives me the best bet of keeping insulin levels from spiking too strongly! What's interesting is that the first week and a half, I ate quite a bit of cheese when I was trying to figure out snacks. This last week, I've kind of tried to focus on other sources of fats and proteins, and the rate of loss has accelerated. I don't know if that's the cause or if I'm just losing some of my metabolic resistance, but it's an interesting observation nonetheless!

I definitely think you've got a great plan for yourself, and I hope it helps you shed that water and still keep your mood up! Not to mention, smoothies sound pretty great! I'm excited to see how it goes for you!



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DUMBBELLE84
5/2/2013 9:08:26 PM

You are so good for my ego ;) ...and you are all of those things too my dear! How are you? Thank goodness it's nearly the weekend, hey?!



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ALPHAEVE
5/2/2013 6:11:55 PM

So far, so good for me this week. The low carb diet is going pretty well for me, and at least for now, I'm still losing. I don't notice any dip in energy levels during the day any more, and being sure to get enough sodium, potassium, calcium, and magnesium has really helped with the other symptoms I felt. Basically, my negative symptoms included some leg cramps that I almost felt in my bone which resolved immediately once I upped my intake of the electrolytes, some headaches that went away after the first week or so, fatigue that also lasted about a week, and an increase of perceived exertion when I work out which I'm still experiencing, albeit to a lesser degree. Other than a REALLY sharp energy decline around days 4, 5, and sort of 6, I never really experienced much of a mood dip, so I'm not sure what to tell you about that. How long were you on very low carb before? If your mood is workable, I'd recommend giving it at least a couple of weeks to see if those are side effects that will go away or if they're just a permanent reaction for you. Regardless, you're right that it should help shed some excess water, and from the literature I've read, even a few weeks of low carb can improve your insulin sensitivity significantly!

As for the Body Media, that's really exciting! Surprised family or not, I'm glad you asked, because if you feel like it could be a useful tool for you, then what a great occasion to get one!

I know how frustrating it can be to go up or down or not change, so hang in there. You're an inspiration to me with how you've hung in and kept trying new things, so I know you don't need me to tell you to keep your head up, but I figure it couldn't hurt to say anyway!



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ALPHAEVE
5/2/2013 12:54:50 PM

How's your week going so far? Sorry I haven't replied to your last message about the thrifty gene stuff yet, but I have so many thoughts about it and just haven't had time to sit down and get them all in a message yet!
Hope you're well!



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