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Artist's Rendition of an Innerer Schweinehund!


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Ich werde meinen innerer Schweinehund zu zähmen.

I am working to tame mein innerer Schweinehund ("my inner pig-dog"): Self-loathing. This is my inner demon, and necessitates that I learn to nurture myself rather than punish myself for my mistakes. I am treating this as a road to recovery from my unhealthy self - physically and emotionally - and an opportunity to make over my life so that I can make consistently positive choices. Rather than beating myself up for past mistakes, instead I will exorcise (and exercise!) mein innerer Schweinehund. My mantra is: I am tougher than this, and I deserve to treat myself better. The one person who can best show me the love I deserve is ME.

I was anorexic for 12 years in my teens and early 20s, which never really ended - I just became a fat anorexic. Over the course of just a few years, I went from 92 pounds to 312 pounds due to a combination of medications, undiagnosed endocrine issues, a metabolism very finely tuned by years of starvation, and - of course - many, many mistakes on my part. I have struggled with my weight for almost a decade now, and I have had a lot of learning to do about my body and how to care for myself. I'm not there yet, but I have made significant strides toward being a healthier, fitter, wiser me. I now know that I must fight incredibly hard for every pound - but I'm willing to do whatever it takes to reclaim myself and my health.

I re-committed to myself and my health on May 14, 2012. As of that time, I weighed 312 pounds, which meant my weight had climbed back up to its highest ever. Never again! My goal weight is 130 lbs, give or take, because I do not know what my body should be like at a healthy weight. With ~182 pounds to lose, I have almost 60% of my starting weight to lose. That feels like a daunting challenge, but by approaching my loss one day, one pound at a time, I'm getting there, slowly but surely!

5% lost (296.4) - Met! 6/20/2012
10% lost (280.8) - Met! 11/18/2012
15% lost (265.2)
20% lost (249.6)
25% lost (234.0)
30% lost (218.4)
40% lost (187.2)
50% lost (156.0)
58.33% lost (130.0 - GOAL)

Member Since: 7/29/2010

Fitness Minutes: 15,870

My Goals:
To enjoy life to the fullest as a healthier, fitter, wiser me.

My Program:
* Striving for daily cardio and strength training 3-4x per week
* Experimenting with my diet to find what combination of food my metabolism responds to best!
* Working to change the dynamic with my husband: going from co-enablers to co-motivators

Personal Information:
As a biologist, I am approaching my weight loss from an objective, experimental point of view. Check out my other blog to read about my experiment in regaining health:

Other Information:
I love science & research, reading classic literature, photography, writing short stories and poems, hiking, gardening, and last, but not least, spending time with my husband and our two jack russells.

Read More About SHINING_ON - Profile Information moved here. (Updated August 26)

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    Not sure how I missed your kind-of recent blog, but I was so glad to see it when I creeped on your page! You don't come up much in my feed lately so I keep hoping you're around. How are things coming along with your meals/calories? I'm overhauling my diet and finding it time-consuming between the prep, chewing, & clean-up! On the plus side, it's a good time for me to do it since I'm not working and have pretty much nothing else to do. Maybe by the time I go back to work I'll be more efficient. Just starting to walk now without a limp, so I've finally got a green light for some time in the gym - starting out with only a few minutes and building up. Miss you & hope you're good!!
    996 days ago
    Happy New Year! Let's make it great!
    1027 days ago
    Hi!!! emoticon
    1056 days ago
    Welcome back!! emoticon
    1113 days ago
    Hey, hope you are doing well. I don't have the week 4 weigh in link yet.
    Could you send it to me if u have it? Thanks!
    1142 days ago
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