This is something I have been struggling with all my life and have been working on since I joined Spark People almost three years ago. The idea of “loving yourself” often seems cliché, and some would even say conceited. We throw around the phrase, but do we really understand what it means? Do we actually know how to love ourselves? Or what the process of self love even looks like?

There’s a whole lot more to life than just our relationship with the people in our lives. We have the ...

This is something I have been struggling with all my life and have been working on since I joined Spark People almost three years ago. The idea of “loving yourself” often seems cliché, and some would even say conceited. We throw around the phrase, but do we really understand what it means? Do we actually know how to love ourselves? Or what the process of self love even looks like?

There’s a whole lot more to life than just our relationship with the people in our lives. We have the need to be accepted and to be loved by others, but we find it so difficult to accept and love ourselves. The more self-love we have, the less we will experience self-abuse we pile upon ourselves. Self-abuse comes from self-rejection, and self-rejection comes from having an image of what it means to be perfect and never measuring up to that ideal. Our image of perfection is the reason we reject ourselves the way we are, and why we don't accept others the way they are.

The first thing we need to do is to actually believe we are lovable – AND WE ARE. We need to work on being in a relationship with ourselves and our own life. We do this for others, but not ourselves. We give so little attention to us, and it is our very self who deserves so much more than what we allow.

We all do it unconsciously all day, every day. Just be conscious about it and pay attention. Until you learn how to love yourself, you will continue to sabotage yourself so that you can’t move forward, or go after the things you want. Underlying this negative self talk can be long-held beliefs about yourself that aren’t even based on reality. They are tapes from other people from your past or present that have been ingrained into you. Any time we are comparing, judging, or simply being negative about ourselves or others, we are definitely not loving ourselves. Feelings of impatience with ourselves are never-ending. Every time a goal is reached or you reach the point where you thought you would be happy, your ego will move the line.

We need to take time every day to shower ourselves with the things WE need, the little things that make us light up, and sparkle, and shine – so that we can thrive.

As usual, all of these things take time and effort, and don’t happen without some intention and inner work. But it’s worth starting with at least one small piece today, and every day.

Love for ourselves is the power that heals us. It is the power over our shortcomings that we so desperately seek to stop sabotaging ourselves, and to heal us once and for all. Whatever you are doing, love yourself for doing it. Whatever you are feeling, love yourself for feeling it.

We need to remember every day that it’s through one precious choice at a time we grow and learn that loving ourselves is truly a GOOD thing.

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