SEWINGGODDESS  
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Saying goodbye to the old Me

It's been a long lazy ten years. An old relationship died and with it, a semblance of who I was before. At that moment, in November 2000, I no longer recognized who I was.

I was mentally beaten down by a guy, who is really a nice guy in many ways, but I was never good enough for him, especially in the looks department. Never skinny enough, never enough boobs, never enough of anything. I used to workout 6 days a week, 2 hours a day and could never get below 120lbs on my 5'3" frame. ...
It's been a long lazy ten years. An old relationship died and with it, a semblance of who I was before. At that moment, in November 2000, I no longer recognized who I was.

I was mentally beaten down by a guy, who is really a nice guy in many ways, but I was never good enough for him, especially in the looks department. Never skinny enough, never enough boobs, never enough of anything. I used to workout 6 days a week, 2 hours a day and could never get below 120lbs on my 5'3" frame. When I look at pics from that time, evidently, I looked awesome, but I never ever saw it, because it was never enough for 'him'. I always felt fat.

He ended up finding his 'one' and we broke up after 8 years. Thank God! I came out as a lesbian, and haven't looked back since. I found out that women WANT you to look like a woman!! OMG! A revelation to me... and it took a while to become comfortable in my skin. I stopped going to the gym altogether. That place held so many bad memories for me that when I DID workout, I came home frustrated and angry.

At the beginning of 2002, I found the love of my life. We've been together for 8 years now. Things have been wonderful... except for the being totally comfortable thing. Being comfortable and not moving leaves you fat and lazy. I went on anti-depressants while going through therapy to deal with my past self. Things are better, yes, but anti-depressants put weight on you too.

10 years later and having turned 40 last November, I have an extra 60lbs on my frame. I am tired all the time and have no motivation to do the everyday things. Cleaning house, hobbies, exercise, anything at all. It sucks is all I can say. Ug.

In an effort to conquer this weight gain, I have several things to motivate me.

1 : Next Spring, my partner & I are going up to Washington, DC to get married.

2 : Starting on June 2nd, my company is doing a '20 Ton Challenge'. 10 weeks to lose 10 lbs. I know that doesn't sound like much, but it's a start and you have to sign up with a buddy at work. My coworker/buddy Teri rocks and has already lost a bunch of weight by eating right and going to her YMCA for Zumba classes. We started together at Deloitte last summer and have been great friends. She'll be an awesome butt-kicker for me! WOO!

3 : I got my P90X kit in the mail last week. Soooo excited about this! I have been reading and absorbing the materials. I've been locating fitness equipment and doing my Fit Test and pics. Memorial Day for me = laying rest to the Old Me. The Fat Me.

GOALS: I want to look good in costumes again. I want energy to do strenuous home improvement projects. I want to feel comfortable in my skin again. I want to love how I look and SEE it at the same time!!!

Let's get on with this!




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Member Since: 2/1/2007

SparkPoints: 0

Fitness Minutes: 320

My Goals:
To lose 55-60lbs in a year. I want to look good in costumes again. I want energy to do strenuous home improvement projects. I want to feel comfortable in my skin again. I want to love how I look and SEE it at the same time!!!

My Program:
Starting P90X on May 31, 2010.

At work we are doing the "20 Ton Challenge" as a company.

Personal Information:
I live 30 minutes north of Atlanta in Lawrenceville. I work in downtown Atlanta.

Other Information:
Hobbies include sewing, knitting, costume building and costuming at conventions. I have 3 dogs & 4 cats. Ive been with my lovely partner Melissa for 8 years.

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Member Comments:
TXHRT4U
5/30/2010 5:04:48 PM

......oooO................ I walked over here
.....(....)................... to welcome you to
......)../....Oooo.......P90X "BRING IT" Team
.....(_/.....(....)..........
................\..)..........
.................\_).......

......oooO................
.....(....)................. WELCOME!
......)../....Oooo......
.....(_/.....(....)....... Eric
................\..)........"BRING IT!"
.................\_).......TEAM LEADER




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JOSIENUTTER
8/16/2007 11:16:33 PM

Hey, I didn't know you were here! :D



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