SCHARFRED   4,911
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I USE TO HATE MYSELF-LIKE MYSELF MOST DAYS.

I am 56, in very bad health. Every day I fight illness. But I seem to fail @ losing weight and keeping it off. I can't stand to look at myself in a mirror, I am so ugly.

What? Bipolar. Me?
Diagnosed with depression was the least of my health concerns. Not being able to breathe and being diagnosed with acute Asthma, chronic Bronchitis, and Chronic Obstructive Pulmonary Disease (COPD) were my main concerns. It was because of these health problems that my body kept trying to ...
I am 56, in very bad health. Every day I fight illness. But I seem to fail @ losing weight and keeping it off. I can't stand to look at myself in a mirror, I am so ugly.

What? Bipolar. Me?
Diagnosed with depression was the least of my health concerns. Not being able to breathe and being diagnosed with acute Asthma, chronic Bronchitis, and Chronic Obstructive Pulmonary Disease (COPD) were my main concerns. It was because of these health problems that my body kept trying to send me to the after life. Then to make my life more of a challenge added Hypo-Thyroid Disease, Hepatitis-C, Diabetes/type 2, Hiatal Hernia, Seizure Disorder, Prednisone Dependant, Cataracts both eyes, Congestive Heart Failure, Osterpenia, and Obesity. All before I reached the age of 50. When my hair started falling out I was diagnosed with Anxiety. Imagine that!
For 2009 my “slogan” was 55 and still alive. I have been medicated for each and every illness I have. Yes the medication list is intense. But my breathing difficulties are under control, although I still have to wear oxygen during the day and use a C-Pap machine at night. Both of my eyes shine bright with the pleasure of sight after surgery. My body is no longer dependant on the steroid Prednisone. It’s been ten years since I had that Grand Mal Seizure nightmare. My diabetes is under exceptional control.
My birthday present for 2010 was a unknown virus that almost took
me to the pearly gates and resulted in kidney failure. And a cyst above my bladder the size of a orange introduced it’s self. A month in the hospital, then six weeks of dialysis have returned my kidneys to “normal” something the doctors tell me usually doesn’t happen. The cyst was drained last week. It is gone, no cancer or infectious fluid.
About a month ago I decided that I was going to tackle two more of my malfunctions, obesity and depression. My primary physician, bless her heart, referred me to “SparkPeople.com. I kinda sorta checked the site out then I went on to my gaming sites. Then I start counseling for my depression. The first thing I had to face was just how much I hated myself. I couldn’t stand to look at myself in the mirror, not even long enough to wash my face. My obesity is only a small part of my hatred. How could I have lost my will to fight, not to stay alive, but to fight to enjoy being alive. Where did that person go that told jokes, liked to laugh, would go places and do things. That person got lost, started sleeping most of the time, vegetated playing computer games, stared through the TV, and had become a recluse. I’m looking for that person and I will find her. But in the mean time, yes another diagnosis: What? Bipolar. Me? Imagine that! Thanks Spark People. I needed and need you.
For 2010 my “slogan” is “I GOT THE SPARK!”

Read More About SCHARFRED (Updated September 4)




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Member Since: 8/9/2010

SparkPoints: 4,911

Fitness Minutes: 935

My Goals:
Be healtier.
Learn more about how to become healtier.
Lose weight: 40#
Make friendships.

My Program:
I am keeping track of everything I put in my mouth. Now that I'm more aware of what I eat I'm slowly changing the way I eat. I spend at least 3 hours a day on sparkpeople.com reading, exploring, tracking, and making friendships. This helps me not feel like "I am the only one" trying to fight weight, depression, health issues, and so many more things. THANK YOU SPARKPEOPLE!

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Member Comments:
RHONDAGIRL2
12/10/2010 9:10:00 PM

Hope you had a GREAT Thanksgiving!!!! How are you doing? Rhonda emoticon



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26M8J7
12/3/2010 2:31:41 AM

Just dropped by to say hi and I hope all is going well with you. emoticon



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SLIMGOURMET
11/26/2010 1:47:09 AM

Happy Thanksgiving, and best wishes!



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RHONDAGIRL2
11/24/2010 8:59:51 PM

Happy Thanksgiving!!!!



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RHONDAGIRL2
11/17/2010 12:58:40 AM

Hi Schar, Just wondering how your doing??? emoticon



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