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My story
I've been at this weight loss game a long time. I'm a real veteran. I've lost a lot of weight. I lost weight very successfully after my first pregnancy, the right way. I exercised and ate right.
Then I got pregnant again and tried to limit my gain. Of course, what you gain is up to nature in the end, and I ended up just as heavy as I was after my first pregnancy. This time, with two small kids, it took longer to lose the weight, but by the time my second child was a year and a half, I was at the lowest weight I'd be at for years. I was eating a healthy, whole foods vegetarian diet and running seriously, even running a fast for me 5-K (28:00). I was about 118 and really toned. I felt great.
Then I went back to school, and got really busy, and my eating and exercise habits went to heck. I gained 22lbs in a year. I tried to exercise again, but it was too much with my schedule.
I had one attempt of healthy weight loss, by distance running - training for a marathon. I lost about 10lbs, the right way, then had an injury that sidelined me.
Then, I got pregnant again. I ended up around 160.
After that, my days of healthy eating and dieting were over. I'd try any crazy fad diet (all of them, trust me) and lose ten or fifteen pounds, and gain back 20. I had a hard couple of years, too, with three kids, a part time job, a serious car accident, thyroid problems, and the day-to-day.
It was in this time my really, really disordered eating started to take hold. I don't want to get into specifics, but it was bad. I ended up with some pretty serious problems, even once thinking I'd damaged my heart and in had to go to the hospital. But I'd always put the weight back on.
From 2002 to 2005 I must have lost and gained a 100lbs, if not more, for a net gain of 15. I ended up, at my highest non-pregnant weight, 175lbs. I'm five four with a small frame, so that was too, too much on me. I knew I had to do something.
At first I started out healthfully. I went vegan and just started to lose weight at a slow pace. I'd lost about 15 lbs in four months. I was feeling pretty good.
Then my eating disorder really took over. I had to be matron of honor at my sister's wedding and I didn't want to do it overweight. I had about three months and I wanted to lose 30 to 35lbs. I read the measurements for a size six bridesmaid dress online and submitted them for my measurements, and didn't tell anyone. I'd really put the pressure on myself.
I started the craziest diet I've ever done. A juice fast. For about three months. I lost all 35lbs, but didn't eat solid food the entire time. Everyone was telling me I looked great, but I hadn't gotten there in a good way.
After the wedding, last summer, I gained back about 10lbs in a month. I started having marital problems (not due to the weight loss, but my obsession at that point with my weight was hurting our marriage) and the stress went through the roof. Again, I don't want to get into specifics, but I lost weight again, in even worse ways!
At my lowest, I weighed a few pounds more than I did when I was 12 years old.
Everything came to horrible climax at the end of the summer, and I had to seek very serious professional help for my eating disorder and other things. I went into an intensive therapy program and got the help I'd needed for a long time. I learned the tools to help my distorted thinking. It hasn't been perfect since I left treatment, but it's been a lot better. A lot. But since last fall, I've put on more weight than I am comfortable with.
At 130 something pounds, many people might feel comfortable, but I don't. I have a really small frame and I want to get to the lower end of healthy for my height. But I want to do it the right way.
I've always felt my best on a healthy, vegan, whole foods eating plan. And I love to run. I want to get back the fitness I once had, and the general health. So that is what I am doing.
Any kind of weight loss is a slippery slope if you are in recovery for an eating disorder. I need to be really careful. But the tools at Spark are really allowing me to see the whole picture. I am working every day to make sure I don't slip back into bad habits or trade on disordered behavior for another. I'd be happy for any comments or suppourt you'd like to give!

Member Since: 2/23/2007

Fitness Minutes: 0

My Goals:
I hope to lose some weight and get into really great shape.

My Program:
I'm vegetarian, pretty strict. I avoid dairy and eggs. I try to eat a good balance of healthy foods. I'm not following any particular diet, just healthy and whole foods and portion control. I do watch my calories. I also am trying to improve my water intake.
The second part of my program is exercise. I am trying to run again (I used to run up to 10 miles at a time), to do strength training, and to do yoga.

Personal Information:
I am 28, married, three kids ages 10, 8, and 4.
I live in Northern VA for now, will be moving (don't know where) soon.
I am recovering from an eating disorder.

Other Information:
I love reading, indie rock, writing, and working on improving myself.

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    Hi and Welcome!!! I have some AWESOME!! motivational news!!!

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    2885 days ago
    Hey, hope you're doing alright.
    3921 days ago
    Just passing through to say hi!!
    3943 days ago
    Hi, I competely understand how things get very crazy after the third child! I gained 60 with my first pregnancy, lost it easily. Gained about the same with my second, lost it easily, but then after the third none of it came off. About a year and a half later I finally started counting calories, to retrain myself how to eat (formerly a very whole foods person) and it started coming off. I got up to 130 over the fall and winter of last year tho and so now I'm working on getting that off so I can fit into my clothes again. But whenever things get crazy busy, we start eating lots of fast food, my cravings go crazy, I just get on this awful eating cycle and then I pack the pounds on. Anyway, just wanted to say hello and I know you will do great!
    3951 days ago
    Thank you sharing your thoughts. It means a lot. I have a petite frame also and when I weighed 130 + it didn't fare well for me either. I used to live in the past all of the time and I think that probably contributed to my poor eating habits and low mood. But now things are really beginnig to turn around. :) Good luck to you. Congratulations on your lifestyle change. You will go very far!

    Angela :D
    3970 days ago
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