PURPLESPARK89   416
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Hoping For A Change

I had a classic case of denial. And I had it bad. I knew that I was overweight and unhealthy, but I never realized.. or wanted to realize rather just how bad I had let myself get.

Everyday I woke up with this false image of myself in my head, that I was about 60 pounds lighter than I really was. Denial? My way of living with myself? I'm not sure. But I knew that it wasn't true, there was always this gnawing shame whirring in the back of my conscience. Photos would remind me how I ...
I had a classic case of denial. And I had it bad. I knew that I was overweight and unhealthy, but I never realized.. or wanted to realize rather just how bad I had let myself get.

Everyday I woke up with this false image of myself in my head, that I was about 60 pounds lighter than I really was. Denial? My way of living with myself? I'm not sure. But I knew that it wasn't true, there was always this gnawing shame whirring in the back of my conscience. Photos would remind me how I truly looked.. but it was easier to frown, ignore them, and tell myself it was just a bad photo.

The photo of me in the 'special' roller coaster seat for obese people? Bullcrap! They make those coasters too small for the average person... I'm not THAT fat. What were those roller coaster engineers thinking!?

The photo of me at the museum with a massive muffin top? That shirt just wasn't right for me.. it was too clingy. I don't always look that bad.. that dress I have in my closet? I can rock it! I'm not THAT fat.

Not having enough room in some public restrooms, with my knee competing for space with the wall or tissue dispenser? They make those stalls too small.. MY GOD we all arn't size zero people! What idiot built this bathroom? I'm not THAT fat!

Sorry I need to take both of the arm rests on either side of me when we go to the movie theater... not my fault.. once again some jackass thinks we're all size zero. Im not THAT fat!

And yet..

When you invite me to go swimming I think of an excuse.

When there's a guy I like I act uninterested because I know I don't stand a chance.

I don't like to eat in front of anyone because I feel judged.

I don't like to exercise in public because I feel judged.

I don't like to go to theme parks because I'm afraid I won't fit in the seat this time. (I barely squeeze in if no 'special' seats are available)

I don't like to go out in public often because I feel judged.

When will I stop lying to myself? Today!

22 years old... 5' 7".. 273 pounds. Lets get me down to 150!


Read More About PURPLESPARK89 (Updated October 15)




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 current weight: 252.2 
 
273
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150


 
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Member Since: 9/23/2011

SparkPoints: 416

Fitness Minutes: 796

My Goals:
To create a healthier me by making better choices and including more exercise in my day!

*Reach my goal weight by Halloween 2012.

*Drink 8 glasses of water per day.

*Not just lose weight, get in shape too!

- CURRENT GOALS/ CHALLENGES -

** Lose a Turkey Challenge: Lose 10lbs pounds by Thanksgiving

** Get to 250lbs

** 8 glassses of water a day!

My Program:
1. Drink enough water! (Im bad about this)

2. Track what I eat and stay in the range I set for myself. (1200-1300 calories)

3. 1 hour+ of exercise per day 6 days/week (P90, Walking, or C25k)

4. Logging into SP daily.

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Member Comments:
PINKTWINKLELOVE
4/12/2014 11:58:48 AM

Thanks for add welcome



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CRABADA
4/1/2014 11:46:00 PM

I'm finally getting back to SP and wanted to check in. Where are you??
xoxox
Courtney



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NIXY72
3/10/2013 12:29:07 PM

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Happy Birthday! May this year be the year that all of your wildest dreams come true!

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OKBACK2ME
2/27/2013 9:52:51 PM

emoticon emoticon Belated Birthday Wishes. I hope your day was great and your year to be even better! emoticon emoticon



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2/22/2013 5:10:59 PM

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Belated Wishes for a very Happy Birthday! Hope the celebration was DONE well!
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