Previously as a member of Spark People, I set all these goals to be healthy and live well..... I lost some weight in the process. I did really well I was tracking and doing my walks on the beach and living happy and healthy. I haven't been on SP for a while now, I had joined in 2011 and stuck with things for several months and kinda drifted away after a car accident. And after I got engaged, Sept 30 th 2011 I got back into it for no reason other than I wanted to and slowly drifted away again. ...

Previously as a member of Spark People, I set all these goals to be healthy and live well..... I lost some weight in the process. I did really well I was tracking and doing my walks on the beach and living happy and healthy. I haven't been on SP for a while now, I had joined in 2011 and stuck with things for several months and kinda drifted away after a car accident. And after I got engaged, Sept 30 th 2011 I got back into it for no reason other than I wanted to and slowly drifted away again.

Its been over a year this time. And a lot has happened and changed. We got married Feb 18th 2012 after we jokingly discussed an elopement. I planned my wedding in two short weeks. We had a beautiful wedding in OOB Maine surrounded by friends and family. It was the happiest day of my life and I felt so beautiful that day.

But I have to be honest with myself, in this past year, I have gone through a lot of changes, we moved back to our home town, I left my job back in Maine and have had regret after regret. I was truely happy there. Althought I am back home with the support of my family and friends, I am still very dissatisfied with myself and my life. Disappointed that I left a good thing in Maine for a search of something better only to realize it was just a mistake.

We left Maine because my husband was out of work for several months after a lay off and we made the choice to come back here when we realized their was no work in Maine. And to our disappointment Mass wasn't any better. He recently in the past 2 months started working again which made our first year of marriage a little challenging. We have been through so much together in 9 years but last year was the toughest. Seeing him depressed and down on himself was the worst feeling, I felt that I was losing him as the person I have known and loved for all these years. I tried everything to help him stand on his own two feet again. I tried to overcompensate for our finacial losses, working about 70hrs a week and became very depressed and lonely myself. I am currently unhappy with my job and disappointed in myself for not working towards schooling.... its like I lost who I was and everything I wanted to be in 1 year.

I love my husband. He has been my rock for 9 years and I will always be his. Things are starting to get better... slowly. He has definately improved his spirit. We have been spending time well spent. But I feel like I'm stuck. Sometimes I find myself thinking of all the things that make me unhappy and I feel like I can't change them or my thoughts. I worry all the time that something will go wrong. Its not who I want to be and its destroying me as a person.

As I write this I wonder how I got to this point, I was always happy and free spirited. I was always goal oriented and had resilience. I always toughed it out and found a solution. I loved my job, my life, the person I was....Happy.

I remember when I first started SP, how motivated and determined I was to reach a goal. How I felt about myself and the moral support I had from complete strangers. In some kinda silly way, I think I need that again. Someone to cheer me up when I'm down, someone to pat me on the back when I have reached a goal, and just the motivation to do something different.

Anyway, I am not setting any unrealistic goals today. I am not even going to promise that I will be constant with my page, tracking or even exercise. All I want for my goal this time around is to do what makes me happy. If walking makes me happy.... do it. If finding a new job makes me happy.... do it. If playing in the dirt makes me happy..... do it!!!! I Know deep down inside that happy person I was before is inside of me still, she was hiding because of fear of the unknown. I am gonna find her again I know I will when she's good and ready.






continue to live healthy.

Read More About PRIMAVERA_81 (Updated May 20)

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