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My God is in control
I am a 63 y/o wife, mother, grandma & greatgranny. I'm a RN with 20+ years in OB now semi-retired to a geriatric rehab center. I was diagnosed with kidney cancer treated with surgery & radiation (25) & have been cancer free by CT & Bone scans for 5 years. This years CT showed 2 suspicous areas on the L lung. God is in control and His plan for me is for good. No matter what I face He will walk me through. And when the enemy collapses me with fear, He protects me & fights that battle for me & ...
I am a 63 y/o wife, mother, grandma & greatgranny. I'm a RN with 20+ years in OB now semi-retired to a geriatric rehab center. I was diagnosed with kidney cancer treated with surgery & radiation (25) & have been cancer free by CT & Bone scans for 5 years. This years CT showed 2 suspicous areas on the L lung. God is in control and His plan for me is for good. No matter what I face He will walk me through. And when the enemy collapses me with fear, He protects me & fights that battle for me & restores my peace.
Edited for 2010...My year of fear, mercy & grace...My God is still in control !!
My PET Scan showed no change from 2009...both rad. & med oncologist decided no more CT or PET unless I am having some kind of symptoms...BIG woohoo!
I am still my moms' caregiver, although she still reminds me daily that I'm not allowed to keep her away from her house in KeyWest and her goal for returning is June, so she'll be home to protect her house from hurricanes (visual pic: a 94yo who can barely balance herself to walk unassisted, on a ladder trying to close storm shutters...)
Mid-May: progressive shortness of breath... cardiac work-up neg... I think anxiety... my mom going home June 6th (against my better judgement or anyones' judgement for that matter)
June: SOB worse, ChestXR...worse then I expected... full R side pleural effusion. ER admit to large hosp...3qt. fld removal. DSIL gets to take my mom back to KeyWest! Pleural fld neg for cancer cells. 2 chest wall biopsy attempts unreadable due to necrosis...
now I'm fearful & frustrated. By now my only link to what is real is that I know that God is still in control & this go round He has provided me with a medical "team" & true to God having a sense of humor...my "team" all have different ideas & approaches so this go round instead of only having to understand 1-2 docs I have 5-6!
July: removal of 2 encapsulated "densities" (replacement term for lesions, that replaced tumors, that replaced cancer: meaning
and outcome the same), left 3 that weren't encapsulated. Every black cloud has a silver lining, some are just harder to find...path report back...no lymph or lung cells present, just kidney. Not cureable, but very slow growing and now treatable with chemo.
Sept: surgery healed well, now we start oral chemo. Well being a nurse, I think oral is a big step from IV, so much less side effects,
WRONG...beastly ugly and I get to do this for 28 days and then get 14 days off and then start the next cycle...seems my personally designed set of side effects are fatigue & neuropathy of both feet & my mouth.
Oct: fatigue & neuropathy no change. Showed feet to my oncologist...immediate dec dosage of chemo for Nov.
Nov: fatigue unchanged but feet seem better (no longer consider
amputation as a viable solution), mouth is learning to LOVE baby meats (no chewing necessary)
Dec: bad,bad person...since my side effects didn't begin until 10-14 days after cycle starts...I felt no problem going shopping with DD who had just returned from Bahrain so we spent 10-12 hrs shopping (for last year & this year) but it was only the 1st week of chemo...WRONG...chemo feet can start anytime with a vengence. So, I have made a contract with my feet...cane or walker week 1-2
and then walker and/or wheelchair week3-4 (or earlier if needed & I will not murmer about "pride" issues). POSITIVE for the month:
my CT for the end of my 1st 3 chemo cycles showed no new mets and almost 50% decrease in execting densities!
As 2010 ends, I know that God is and always be in control. In 2003, I thought God meant to "cure" me,( my intepretation not His promise), I have come to see healing differently today. When I sleep at night under His protection and am rested, when I awaken to a new day (a new beginning to a new life) I am healed for 1 more day. I may not be "medically healed" but that really isn't important.
| Pounds lost: 0.0
Member Since: 9/8/2007
Fitness Minutes: 0
plan for gastric lapband surgery
maintain 1200 cal low carb--low fat food plan
lose 100-120 pounds; 1 pound at a time
healthy food choices
increased water intake
walking for excercise & relaxation
use food tracker
I am MarilynC & I live in rural north FL with DH and 1 cat (that doesn't know she's a cat) and a shelty dog( that is obedent to everyone including the cat!). The only population explosion in our town are cows, pigs & goats. How I love living in the country!
Love sewing & reading. Favorite author: Joyce Meyers
Favorite color: blue
I hope to support others on Spark message boards as they have helped me