155lbs (down from 245lbs 2010 -- and down from 299 highest at age 17)
A life long "eating disorder". A lifelong narrative slash fairy tale slash nothing-like-yellow-brick-road... from There to Here. Where was there? Where is here?

Onward and Downward...a battlecry, a credo. And without that... I don't know where I am or where to go.

Maybe I could just go back to that? But, no... Too many other aspects of attended life are screaming for attention. ...

155lbs (down from 245lbs 2010 -- and down from 299 highest at age 17)
A life long "eating disorder". A lifelong narrative slash fairy tale slash nothing-like-yellow-brick-road... from There to Here. Where was there? Where is here?

Onward and Downward...a battlecry, a credo. And without that... I don't know where I am or where to go.

Maybe I could just go back to that? But, no... Too many other aspects of attended life are screaming for attention.

Celebrate Life and Be In My Body --- Move More, Eat Sustainably and Well. Want a smaller body, a healthier body, to put clothes onto and move in... and wanting to be approved of more universally (especially by me my self)? Fine. Hooray.

Now wanting to get to "THE REAL WORK" (as my friend Pj1 called it)-- the stuff beyond the learning to feed and water myself, wanting to DESIRE & ACT in broader contexts. Hmm....

-- A happiness project. A visioning project. An ACTION project. A believing in myself project.

--- What's on my mind is integration, integrating and letting go of all kinds of heaviness and cloaks of THOUGHTPATTERNS, ways of seeing myself, that sense of self that no longer serves. Lightening the cloaks and MOVING in body and house and maybe/probably also in COMMUNITY. The 'fat me' avoided groups. The anxious me avoided groups. Maybe that's who i am, and maybe it isn't. It's time to EXPERIMENT some - with OUT judgement (IF IF IF i can do that).

-- NEXT STEP FOR ME? VITALITY. CHANGE. LIGHTNESS in ways not just Body but informed by body? Be in my body. Gain Strength. Find inner well being. MINDFULNESS and meditation to work with ANXIETY ISSUES long tucked inside FOOD behavior... And Seratonin/Endorphin arcs long obfuscated by FOOD behavior.

NOTE: ***IF YOU WANT TO SEE MY LIFELONG WEIGHT STRUGGLE HISTORY... IT'S AT THE BOTTOM OF THIS LONG JOURNAL. (highest wt 300lb / longest maintained wt 210-235 / lifetime yoyoer)****

What do i Want? (to wear, to do, to contribute to, to share?)
A happiness project. A visioning project. An ACTION project. A believing in myself project.

Back to Basics. Track Daily. Water. Spark Connect. Exercise.
Reread old menus to remember how I did it. Sign on every day..and RECORD all the food... Balance the budget.

Sustainably - meaning: well, healthy, balanced, not perfect
Keep goals accomplishable... the better to celebrate and stay inspired (My goals at the beginning and through today has been to lose 1-3 lbs a month...over a long period of time. Now I'm fine maintaining the wt loss or losing a bit more... Mostly I want to be HEALTHY and in right relationship with other aspects of my Body Life Mind).

Thank you to all my friends here who share the journey. xop

Ht 5'4"
Starting Wt: 236
10 lbs 226 done!
20 lbs 216 done!
30 lbs 206 done!
40 lbs 196 done!
50 lbs 186 done!
60 lbs 176 done!!
70 lbs 166 done!??? really? uhhh it seems so.
159.6 !! 9/5/12 In The 50's!!?
80 lbs 156 Sept/Oct 2012 - Jan 2013 Still Here !
90 lbs 146
100lbs 136
105lbs 131 WHAT IS MY OPTIMUM WT? DON'T KNOW
110lbs 126

OLDER JOURNAL
Wow. 2 years and 70-80lbs down. I've met my first goal weight of 175 and am under it even. The road ahead is so different than I imagined it two years ago.

My critical mind runs on and on and the lack of quiet, the lack of direction caused by so much noise and dust... I think this is part of my "craving" and "grasping" for foods and chewing instead of engaging the world. I am interested in Sitting Still and in Activating Community. Diet and Exercise are the beginning of continued SPARKABLE deeds GOALS Ways.

ALL LAST YEAR I SAID:
"It's not about what I'm going to look like; It's about what my body will be able to do!"

And now my body has some added challenges for me to face. Ulcerative Colitis diagnosis and treatment, and radically different eating plans. Just getting started .... And SPARKING!!! ONWARD!!!

Re-START
172 March 2012
170
169
165
163
160
158
154
150
149
145 * * * * * * * GOAL #2 GOAL CELEBRATION
140 maybe BMI/insurance motivations tbd.....
135 maybe " " " we'll see

*****
Shi(F)t Happens! Daily Practice. Honesty and Loyalty to Self. Goal by Goal. Reward to reward.

I am thrilled and grateful be sharing this path with so many of you remarkable friends here. Thank you!

"The scale is a ouiji board, a dishonest fortune teller. There are no answers on the scale" Onward & Downward is all I need to know.

Weight Loss Progress
236
225 lb Dr O 2010
222 lb Spark Start 7/10
215 lb 8/16/10 done!
212 lb plateau Sept
210 lb 9/28/10
212 lb CA trip gain U.C.
208 lb 10/20/10
206.4 10/28/10
205.4 11/1/10
202.6 11/8.10
204.8 11/15/10
202.6 11/19/10
204.5 11/29/10 uh....okay...
202 - 20! done!
201 12/24/10
200 12/27/10
199.8 1/1/11 ONEderland!
198.2 1/9/11
196.8 1/17/11
199.7 1/25/11 nonononon!
197.8 1/26/11 hmm
197.4 2/8/11 that's all?
197.2 2/16/11 turtle
196 2/22/11
195.6 3/8/11
193.8 3/18/11
191.8 3/22/11
193.6 4/21/11 a month of plateau and coasting
189 5/30/11
184.8 6/23/11
188 7/12/11 ONWARD & DOWNWARD
INTO Spark Year #2 (July 2011-July 2012)
185 done!
184.5 done!
183 done! 8/18/11
177.6 !!! 10/26/11 (these 4-5 #'s were slow in coming off!)
*** New Boots Reward (even if not exactly 175)*****
Coming Soon:
175 (Goal #1 - Reward New Boots! - boots! that zip and everything! DONE!!!!
x
COLITIS DIAGNOSIS & TREATMENT - CHANGE OF PARADIGM!
169-165 Holding here in treatment for UC. New Food Plan in the Works. Whew! Whew! Taking a breath.
++++ Weight Gain After Illness Period


Lost 35 lbs in 2010 -- 23 with Spark! Crossed the ribbon into ONEderland on January 1, 2011 (made this goal so sweet).
Setting new goals for 2011... and looking forward to the journey.

Name: Paula Jean
STARTING WT 235 then 223 (Spark Start, July 2010)
CURRENT WT 177.6 **11/1/11
GOAL #1 WT 175 11/8/11 Almost DONE!!! "overweight"
GOAL #2 WT 145 _______ hmmm? tbd ;-)

DIET & SCALE HISTORY(a life-long fibonacci sequence):
Highest Wt ---Lifetime, 299 lbs (age 18 -lost 150# Duke Rice Diet)
Highest Wt ---This Decade, 238-244 lbs (after my dad died in 2007)

SET-POINTs & YOYO Talisman/Swings:
*145 (for a minute in 1982) after Duke Diet 299-145
*175-210 college gain & after maintain
*165 (for 2 minutes in 1989) after Optifast 210-165
*Maintained 189-198 1990-2000 (oa, nutritionist,personal trainer)
*Wt gain 10-20# 2000 (job loss, bf loss, isolation)
*Maintained 207-226 2000-2010 (yoyo dieting, mostly WW)
*Wt gain 226-242 2006-2007 (caregiver during dad's cancer&death)
*Wt drop 242-235 after dad's death 2007-2008
*Turned 50 and maintain 226-235 in 2009-2010
*Then SPARK'd

Re-START
172 March 2012
170
169
165
163
160
158
154
150
149
145 * * * * * * * GOAL #2 GOAL CELEBRATION
140 maybe BMI/insurance motivations tbd.....
135 maybe " " " we'll see

Read More About PJH2028 (Updated March 13)

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