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SSW. 243 SCW. 163. (-80lbs) SGW. 135 another 32 to go! Intentions are flames Slow down, and say Yes - every day Showing up - Put in what you want to get out! There is A Time for Every Season How to: Embrace Change AND Embrace the Steady, too? Stop comparing your self to others I am looking for images of my desires for my future. I am letting go of "speed" Must chunk my "Goals" down to smaller sized ones! Component Parts =. "S M A R (T) Goals" specific measurable attainable realistic timebound

Member Since: 7/15/2010

Fitness Minutes: 19,677

My Goals:
Original Spark Start 236-45 (2010 - not sure which it was).
OneDerland 2011 Personal Trainer 1-2x wk and Cardio 3-4x week
Ulcerative Colitis 2011-13. got down to 175-158.
2013-14 Gain to 165-175
2015 175-165
2016-17 up and down 162-167 yoyo and weight watchers

LifeTime Dieter - ED History
Obese since 1st Grade. - Age 8 humiliation group weigh in in nurses office
Top Weight High School 299
Duke "Rice Diet". 299-145 1976-78. College regain 165 to 230
Optifast (same year as Oprah). 230-165. (regained in time)
30's and 40's 200-210
Caregiving Father's Cancer and Death 2006-8 210-240

My main goal for now is to create a positive lifestyle change - both physically and emotionally.
WANTED 136 (-100#)
Fitness Goals: Get the Wet Laundry off the Frame! Enjoy MY BODY while I have it!

SMAR(T) GOALS AND Benchmarks
2-4lbs/month Slow & Steady Wins The Race

170 march 2017
169 DONE

My Program:
Be Here Now. Find New FLOW and Intellectual Engagement. Connections and Community.
Don't worry so much. SLOW DOWN YOUR THOUGHTS. Be more authentic. B r e a t h e

Personal Information:
From Chicago. Lived in NYC College through 29yo.
Was single most of my life. Have had a s.o. for almost ten years (can't believe that) -- since my dad's cancer and then death. My careers have been various and if they have a streamline it may be that I was always in Administrative / Nurturing roles inside of "creative" companies. ? Publishing... Architecture.... Museum... Cafe...Consulting. I'm a bit LOST for what to do NEXT? I have a whole lot of living I haven't done yet.
And that's maybe MORE important than weight loss. Still... I want to finish.
245-170 done SPARKED DONE! Goal Wt? 135 (I hope will give me the frame I want to MOVE WITH.)

Other Information:
My name is Paula. Paula Jean, to my dad and my signature.
I am a lifelong weight management consciousness -- first victim to the diet industry and still reclaiming my Self into the Present as a BODY MIND SPIRIT. Spark has been a go[o)dsend in my process.
Addictions and compulsive behavior thrive in isolation.

Read More About PJH2028 - Profile Information moved here. (Updated November 3)

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 current weight: 164.5 
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    Spark-cation simply means I am not pleased with the changes they made recently so I am not participating as much. Not at all with their "community" and I left most all of the teams I had joined.

    I would actually leave if it were not for team "I Matter" and the people I have met about whom I care.
    251 days ago
    You got this.
    253 days ago
    Q "Do you think that there's a personality change between 'fat you' and 'skinny you'? Forgive the nomenclature. Have your friendships changed since you hit your goal and maintenance of your new happier healthier You and Lifestyle? Can you compare that to fires?"

    Hey P --- Hmmm good question! It's a double edged one because I am still the same person, just with more confidence in some arenas...and in other arenas, I still hold those old insecurities, except they are quieter in my head, and tend not to manifest as often unless sparked by memories of the past (think PTSD)...the main goal is to work through them and learn how to make reactions less..i.e. binge eating because of emotions or stress - pretty non existent for me now.

    My BFF for 20 years has never seen me as heavy because she always saw me as ...me. I wasn't associated with weight in her eyes. She saw me as I am now...and when she describes me to someone from then to now, it's always been the same. So from another person's point of view of my outward personality, I guess I am not any different at my core HOWEVER...I still view myself as heavy, shy, and unattractive in my head from time to time...which she always calls me out on. I never walk into a room thinking that I am "hot" ...but quite the opposite, as if I'm still invisible. My husband has also been with me through "thick and thin" (yes, the pun is intended LOL) - and I him...and we are still the same in our core beliefs and feelings...or else, really, we would probably not still be together if anything changed that dramatically.

    For some people though, the story is different...they do change, and I have seen people split up because issues were not tended to, because jealousy creeps in, because their life view changed while the other stays the same, because one person's support was not as true as it really was. The problem of out-growing a relationship because the fire wasn't tended to by one person or another. It happens. It also happens that to be healthy, toxic and negative relationships are pretty destructive to people's efforts, and they have to eventually be addressed one way or another. How is another discussion entirely.

    As for current friendships....I have always had a few core ones, and those remain. Making new friends is easier because I'm less self-conscious, but I'm quick to recognize negative or toxic ones and release them quickly back into the sea from whence they came. Maybe it's an age thing rather than a being thinner thing! LoL

    I hope it answered the question...it's definitely a good one!!

    As for why the hang-up you spoke of?? you might be surprised that even with the weight off....certain issues might still be there. If it's fear of completely changing into a different person? have faith in your core beliefs and your goodness as a person...that won't change as long as you don't let it. As the song goes....stay humble and kind.

    PS - Sorry it's so long!! And I figured to answer here because you never know who might read it and get something out of it! :)
    281 days ago

    Comment edited on: 3/4/2017 7:09:59 PM
    Thanks for the blog love Paula!!!! Slow and steady wins the race! emoticon
    286 days ago
    Thank you for adding me as a friend. I added you too! emoticon
    302 days ago
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