PHOENIX1982   7,561
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My adorable son Liam. He's about 1 here.



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Letting go of the past

My name is Mel, and I'm here because I need to let go of who I was and carve out a new, better version of myself.

To make a very long story short, I found this site back in 2007. When I started I weighed 273 pounds at 24 years old.
With the support of my very loving boyfriend (now my husband) I lost 62 pounds between January 2007 and January 2008 when I discovered we were expecting.

I had a picture perfect pregnancy - zero complications, I felt amazing, I ...
My name is Mel, and I'm here because I need to let go of who I was and carve out a new, better version of myself.

To make a very long story short, I found this site back in 2007. When I started I weighed 273 pounds at 24 years old.
With the support of my very loving boyfriend (now my husband) I lost 62 pounds between January 2007 and January 2008 when I discovered we were expecting.

I had a picture perfect pregnancy - zero complications, I felt amazing, I worked out right up to the day before I went in to labour..It was awesome.

I did pretty well for the first 6 weeks, and then the weight started very slowly creeping back up. By the time he was 4 months old I'd lost all of the healthy habits I'd worked so hard to form. I drank a 11-13 cups of coffee per day, and some days no water at all. I would eat and not track, or track dishonestly (I would only enter half of my servings or leave things out entirely). I rarely got any exercise and when I did it was with little effort.

I looked like crap (weight came back, bad skin and hair, looked tired all the time), but even worse than that I FELT like crap. I felt bad about myself. I felt myself slipping back into the OLD me..the me that wound up at almost 300 pounds.

I didn't really start to try getting healthy again until my son's first birthday. I was 230 or so pounds so I'd put on about 20 in a year. I thought wow am I gross I can't believe I put so much back on...I spent the next 6 months in a vicious cycle of depression and overeating. It wasn't until April when a fellow sparker noticed that all of my posts were negative and sad and depressed and beating myself up that I realized how much time had passed and how low I really was.

I did a weigh in/measure up and I'd gone up 2 sizes and another 17 pounds - 247. SO close to 250. I cried so hard. I had gained back 36 pounds. HALF of what' I'd lost.

I started setting out 6 week goals and did really well the first 6 weeks and then my progress plumeted. I didn't understand why.

Aren't I the girl who can work out 6 days a week?
Aren't I the girl who lost weight over Christmas and other holidays?
Aren't I the girl with iron clad meal plans and the ability to push food away when I've had enough?
What's my problem? Why can't I just DO This?!?!

Well...I realized in the last little while that I'm NOT that girl anymore. It's been 2 years since I've been that girl. And it took me a long time to become that version of me in the first place. It took me a year to work up to exercising that much, to build the strength and conviction and finally the HABIT of not overeating, to prefer water in the morning ...all of those habits. How can I expect myself to just DO it when I haven't DONE it in 2 years?

I MIGHT NOT BE THAT GIRL TODAY - BUT I CAN BECOME HER AGAIN!
Read More About PHOENIX1982 (Updated September 30)




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Member Since: 11/21/2009

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Member Comments:
CARRKM
3/23/2012 12:00:05 PM

Thank YOU for replying to me! I almost didn't post - I didn't want you to think I was one of the jack-asses.

I am SO, SO sorry that here at SparkPeople, where we are here for the sole purpose of encouraging each other and we are ALL here for the same reason, that people are treating you so. I hope you will report them - that kind of thing is completely unacceptable.

Please know that there are many, many more here who WILL be supportive and thing you are awesome!!!

PS I notice you have a little blonde cutie named Liam! Me, too! Except mine just turned 13 (he's still little, blonde and cute, though!)

Sending love and happy thoughts your way... hope you have a great weekend!



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SHERYLDS
2/20/2012 9:02:44 AM

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"BEAUTIFUL WOMAN AWARD"

Hi! Just a shout out to congratulate you!
You are the recipient of the Beautiful Woman Award!!
"Once you've been given this award, you have to paste it on the page of 8 women who deserve it. If you receive more than 3, you know you're really beautiful! If you break the chain, nothing will happen, but it's always good to know someone thinks you're beautiful inside and out!"

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SHERYLDS
2/14/2012 7:07:55 AM

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Happy Valentine's Day
emoticon Things are never quite as scary when you have a Spark friend.
emoticon A Spark friend laughs at your jokes when they're not so good, and sympathizes with your problems when they're not so bad.
emoticon Yesterday brought the beginning, tomorrow brings the end, and somewhere in the middle we became Spark friends.
emoticon A friend is the one who comes in when the whole world has gone out.
emoticon
Sheryl




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FIERCE_FABULOUS
2/11/2012 4:00:19 PM

hello there!! stopping by to wish you a wonderful healthy weekend!!! emoticon emoticon emoticon



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FILLANGES
2/2/2012 1:57:00 PM

Thank you so much for adding me as a friend. I do enjoy reading your blogs and your AWESOME attitude shines through, as well! Keep that positive attitude and keep up those great efforts! And keep learning and doing all those things that lead you to your new healthy lifestyle. I'm excited to follow along with your success! Let me know if i can be of any help.
God Bless. Rick emoticon emoticon emoticon



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