PERIWINKLEBLUE   2,612
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This is me now at 321 or so Taken 5/2012





Me in my 20's





Me when I've lost 100 lbs. MVM doesn't make pictures for people my size but they do for anorexics



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Life is what happens when you're making other plans.

"Do or do not, there is no try" Yoda
This used to be my motto. Now I realized that even small steps count. Update 7/1/12 Only small steps count. I'm much less hard on myself. If I don't get something done one day or have a 'bad" day, the next day is new.

I've wanted to lose weight for years but apparently not enough to commit to making the changes I need to make daily to lose.
Update 7/1/12 I've been in therapy for years and am much less hard on myself. It's subtle ...
"Do or do not, there is no try" Yoda
This used to be my motto. Now I realized that even small steps count. Update 7/1/12 Only small steps count. I'm much less hard on myself. If I don't get something done one day or have a 'bad" day, the next day is new.

I've wanted to lose weight for years but apparently not enough to commit to making the changes I need to make daily to lose.
Update 7/1/12 I've been in therapy for years and am much less hard on myself. It's subtle stuff and I believe Jesus is leading me through this but you really do have to find love for yourself to be able to nurture yourself. And the more you can be a good friend to yourself the less judgement you have the less self loathing the easier it is to eat right and to not crave carbs.
Now I've got diabetes.Osteoarthritis and angina.
I hate taking medication. I know losing weight will lower my need for meds. [So true and so pivotal, self care and nurturing](U/1/12 I'm off all medication and have lowered my blood sugar, have been using natural products especially glucosamine for arthritis pain and omega 3 fish oil for angina and looking for help with sleeping Have found weight loss and good sleep are connected)

When I was 45 I passed the 300 lb mark. I was shocked but kept on eating, not exercising and growing bigger! The abuser in my life was still alive and I think I just needed to numb out. Now she's passed away and each month that goes by I'm needing to numb less. update 6/29/11 - more and more I'm able to stay eating better but I do binge when faced with pain.

In my mind I think I'm working on losing weight as long as I obsess about it and had a few good days a week.

Not True.
Doesn't work.
Action needed.

I fool myself into thinking it's going to be easy and that I can do it while eating like a person who don't have a weight problem. Delusional thinking.

[ Recovery from abuse by my mother has been very steady. I didn't realize that I lived with almost constant anxiety, ready for the next attack. Now it's been over 5 years since she died. I've come to see our dysfunctional relationship with much clearer eyes and can see her side better. But mainly I'm relaxing. As I relax, I need to destroy myself less. I am free to take care of myself. These inner changes have had powerful effects on my eating and my weight. I hit my lowest weight in 10 years a week ago 327.8 (40 lb weight loss)and know I can get there and below again.

Now, my body can't handle it anymore and I'm risking my life indulging in whatever whenever whyever. When you're young you can abuse yourself but after awhile the body isn't as resilient. At 64 you feel older than your age because you carry not only the weight but the consequences of the weight.

I started gaining weigh at 26 during a very hard time in my life. I was never small but was around 140 in high school, 150 in college. So my body image distortion is that I'm not as fat as I am. I'm shocked when I look at pictures.

I like really good food. I don't like to cook but am trying now. [Walker shakes in the AM give me a good start and buy me time for way better decisions about food] Food is for life not life is for food. I'm uncomfortable when I'm dieting. Oh, well. I'm more uncomfortable being grossly obese!
UPdate 7/1/12 Walker shakes from Vitacost have made a difference. When I get up and am not in the mood for food - which is often - I have a shake and it not only fills me be makes my whole day more controlled. This is definitely a tool in my weight loss journey

Hope was my main motivation. I've seen women fatter than me lose the weight. Because of them, I believe I can too.Thanks ME,B,S and others. Thanks to those of you who post your daily food intake - it helps those of us who have so little energy to plan and shop at this point.

I've lost 20 lbs. My plan is to lose 1-2 lb a week for a year. My first long term goal date is 6-7-8. I want to be 299 or less by then.[HA! Lets try for 12/31/11 for that goal]UPDATE 7-1-12 not yet but down to 50 lb weight loss range. I tend to go up then down but not stay at the goal until I hoover around it for months.

Don't Give Up.




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 current weight: 327.6 
 
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Member Since: 8/5/2006

My Goals:
1.Eat Breakfast

2.Eat 1600 to 1800 c/d
See www.hungerhormones.com

3. 8 8oz glasses of Water qd

4.Eat more Organic Foods

see:www.diamondorganics.com

5. Find Non GMO foods eat organic as much as possible.

http://gmoguide.greenpeace.ca/shop





pers_guide.pdf



6.Eat 5 vegs a day and 3 fruits

7.Develop an Eating Plan, written down, with daily choice menus. Shop from that list.

8 Enjoyment not Deprivation see the books of Will Clower




My Program:
The books of Will Clower and
The Feel Good and IR Diet by Dr. Hart

with principles from
http://www.hungerhormones.com

Bottom Line Low Carb Calorie Counting, Diabetic, Organic, Non GEO food

Personal Information:
I was abused by my mother. The damage and my inability to leave her took it's toll and robbed me of about 30 years of my life. I take responsibility for not leaving and not being able to leave but if I had it to do over I would have moved far away from her. She died 5 years ago and God is at work actively redefining me. Who was I and who am I now without all the lies? I am less anxious now and am able naturally and without much effort lose the weight that was my way of protecting my spirit and self medicating with food. I'm not carrying my family and making decisions for others. I feel like I can breathe.

Other Information:
Hit the 50 lb weight loss mark but then went up 5 lb. But once I hit a mark I come back. Sparkpeople didn't work for me before because I wasn't in the right place. Now I am and need to keep tracks of cal and carb in to determine what wt loss I can expect.

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Sunshine
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A_BIT_AT_A_TIME

Welcome Banner
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Fruit Salad
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JIM*S_QUEENIE

Workout DVD
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Pedometer
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Member Comments:
JIM*S_QUEENIE
1/18/2009 12:36:06 AM

Diana:
Thank you for being there for me and for taking so much time to get information for me. I am so glad you only live one hour away. I hope you come to visit==even for a weekend or however long you would like and we will come down there sometimes. There is a tearoom in Ft. Dodge, too. Have you been there with your friend?
I haven't called Stratford to see if the tearoom is still there. I have a tearoom cookbook for the midwest and I will check in there for the phone number.
Bye for now==my new Iowa friend,
Vicki



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JIM*S_QUEENIE
12/31/2008 7:24:39 AM

Perwinkle was my favorite name for a counselor at camp when I was a young girl in Washington State.
We are transplants to Iowa from California.
I was abused by my dad and my mom didn't do anything about it. She is still somewhat abusive to me, but that is her problem. I am trying to deal with it all to this day. I did not raise my children that way but, like you, went inward at ate my feelings away!!!
We live in Badger, just north of Ft. Dodge--not a very friendly community. My drs. have told us we moved to the wrong place if we were looking for friends!!! Schucks!! I thought it would be like "Little House on the Prarie"--was I ever wrong. Gotta deal with that now.
I hope we can write to each other and maybe discuss how we feel inside instead of paying a bunch of drs. The BIGGEST REASON I AM WRITING IS I WANT TO KNOW MORE ABOUT "VITAMIN D-3" to see if it might help me.
Thanks and welcome back!!!
Vicki (trying to feel like my husband's "Queenie" again)!!!



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PERIWINKLEBLUE
2/1/2008 1:08:18 PM

Thanks so much Kitt. This too will pass and is definitely related to Seasonal Affective Disorder. I means more than I can say to have the support from you and others who have been where I'm at.



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KITT52
2/1/2008 8:13:59 AM

Don't feel down, you have lost some weight, that's not easy but you did it.
We are here to help support you .
Make small steps and build on them. You are worth the effort.
Set some small goals and reach them. It what you know you want to do.
let us help you.
Now drink some water make healthy choices and your on your way.

YOU deserve to be happy and healthy.
Yes you do!!!!!


Kitt



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MINIDACOOP
1/8/2008 7:37:09 AM

Hi Periwinkle! Thanks for the add, I am looking forward to getting to know you as we have some things in common and about the same amount to lose. How neat! We can help each other. I have a lot more to say to you but it is already after 6:30 and I still have to get my walking done and get ready for work. I am spending way too much time on this website, but I love it! :)
Take care!
-Mini



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