PEPPERH  
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** SUBJECTLESS **

And so here I am again - at the crossroads. What do I do?? I ate healthy and worked out pretty regularly. I admit ~ I felt good. I had energy. I "felt" thinner. I LOOKED thinner! Then crap happened, and I stopped eating healthy. Stopped working out. Gained back some weight.

I've had it in my mind since I was about 18 years old that only thin people could be happy. Only thin people could have friends. Only thin people could fall in love. Nobody paid attention or even looked at ...
And so here I am again - at the crossroads. What do I do?? I ate healthy and worked out pretty regularly. I admit ~ I felt good. I had energy. I "felt" thinner. I LOOKED thinner! Then crap happened, and I stopped eating healthy. Stopped working out. Gained back some weight.

I've had it in my mind since I was about 18 years old that only thin people could be happy. Only thin people could have friends. Only thin people could fall in love. Nobody paid attention or even looked at fat people. I was anorexic in 1998. My lowest was 98 pounds. My highest (w/o being pregnant) was 155. For the longest time, I was SCARED to put food in my mouth because I felt like I was going to lose control. I felt like one bite and it would be over...one will lead to two and three and four and 10 and 20 etc. Until I had eaten the whole bag, the whole cake, the whole pizza. And it did nothing but make me feel ASHAMED of eating, so I tried not to.

I tried fasting. Nothing but liquid. Didn't work. I felt tired. Irritable. Moody. FAT. I didn't loose any weight.

I tried starving myself completely.

I even tried binging and purging again. Not worth it.

I still felt miserable and F A T!

And then the guilt set in and I vowed not to do it again - but I did.

I'm starting with the healthy eating again.

I WILL DO THIS RIGHT. I WILL EAT HEALTHY. I WILL WORK OUT. AND I WILL LOSE WEIGHT!

I need willpower. I need a friend who can help me thru this - via journal. I need a partner.

I WILL DO THIS RIGHT. I WILL EAT HEALTHY. I WILL WORK OUT. AND I WILL LOSE WEIGHT!

I am Pepper and no one else. I am unique. I am myself and do the things I do because of me, not because of anyone else. If I ever find myself being displeased because of something I have done, I will realize that the behavior has to be changed by me and no one else. The only person that I can expect to do anything is myself.

I WILL DO THIS RIGHT. I WILL EAT HEALTHY. I WILL WORK OUT. AND I WILL LOSE WEIGHT!

I am one person and will take on the responsibilities of one person, not the rest of the world. I am capable of doing only what I am able to do and will not expect more.

I WILL DO THIS RIGHT. I WILL EAT HEALTHY. I WILL WORK OUT. AND I WILL LOSE WEIGHT!

I will respect others for being what they are, not for what they have. I will accept others for being themselves. I am superior to no one and no one is superior to me.

I WILL DO THIS RIGHT. I WILL EAT HEALTHY. I WILL WORK OUT. AND I WILL LOSE WEIGHT!

I will not let people run my life. My life is my own and I will treasure it for all it is worth. And it is worth everything.

I WILL DO THIS RIGHT. I WILL EAT HEALTHY. I WILL WORK OUT. AND I WILL LOSE WEIGHT!

I will be honest with myself and with others at all times. I will do the best I can in all aspects. I will try my hardest to accept all of my traits--good or bad.

I WILL DO THIS RIGHT. I WILL EAT HEALTHY. I WILL WORK OUT. AND I WILL LOSE WEIGHT!

I will treat others as I want to be treated. I will listen to others' ideas and respect their opinions, even if I'm in disagreement.

I WILL DO THIS RIGHT. I WILL EAT HEALTHY. I WILL WORK OUT. AND I WILL LOSE WEIGHT!

My goal in life is to be happy to the best of my abilities. I am me and I am real. I will live my life as the real me.

I WILL DO THIS RIGHT. I WILL EAT HEALTHY. I WILL WORK OUT. AND I WILL LOSE WEIGHT!
Read More About PEPPERH (Updated June 28)




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 current weight: 153.0 
 
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Profile

Member Since: 8/21/2008

SparkPoints: 0

Fitness Minutes: 2,325

My Goals:
To conquer my fear of eating

To work out 5 x a week, 45 min a day.

To treat myself as I show progress

To not beat myself up for making mistakes

My Program:
30 minutes workout 5 days a week on my Gazelle.

Healthy meals, increasing my protein, and decreasing my sweet tooth, and LIMIT the alcohol (UGH!)

Personal Information:
Freshly divorced and starting life over.

Looking for MOTIVATION and friends in the area. You can email me at ta2edredhead@gmail.com

Other Information:
I love being outside, and cant wait for spring! I work from home, which makes getting up and walking around an issue - Im stubborn and i want to just get my job DONE.

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Member Comments:
NENNABUG
4/27/2010 4:18:33 PM

Damn right we can!



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SEVERINA418
1/19/2009 3:45:05 AM

Are you doing okay, Pepper? I just joined one of the teams you are/were on and read a LONG message you had posted in November, if you know what I'm referring to. Are you hanging in there?

Teresa



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PLATINUM755
11/5/2008 3:16:13 PM

emoticon Thanx for adding me as a friend...It means a lot! emoticon



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PLATINUM755
10/29/2008 1:10:23 PM

* . + * Just * + .
+ . . * + . + * . * +
* . + * sprinklin' * + .
+ . . * + . + * . * + .
+ , * your * + * page *
+ . . * + . + * . * + .*
. * * + . * with * .
+ .* some * + * * . + * .
. * + * * + . *+ *
+ * .. smiles.. * + . +
+ . . * + . + * . * +
+ .* and * + * * . + * .
. * + * * + . *+ *
+ * .. Happiness.. * + . +
+ . . * + . + * . * +




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LUCRECE
10/22/2008 1:56:11 PM

thanks for your support!



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