Hi Pennysaver! I found your spark page on the list of Motivators. I SO relate with your experiences of losing and then regaining weight, getting out of a routine and finding it difficult to get back into it. Being honest with yourself (and all of us!) is a positive step in itself.
You've inspired me to do the same, so I'll be updating my Spark page today with a similar story! Let me know if I can help you in any way. Hang in there, even if only by your fingernails!