I have always been a relatively active person. I ran track in high school. I continued to work out on a semi regular basis and really stepped it up after 22 when I had my first baby. I went for walks regularly with my son in a stroller and found the Firm tapes. I think the weight lifting and aerobic activity really preserved my lean muscle mass. I gained 50 lbs during both of my pregnancies but dropped pretty quickly both times to the 160-165 range. I have hovered in this range during most ...

I have always been a relatively active person. I ran track in high school. I continued to work out on a semi regular basis and really stepped it up after 22 when I had my first baby. I went for walks regularly with my son in a stroller and found the Firm tapes. I think the weight lifting and aerobic activity really preserved my lean muscle mass. I gained 50 lbs during both of my pregnancies but dropped pretty quickly both times to the 160-165 range. I have hovered in this range during most of my adult life. I fell under the 160 mark two years ago when I changed jobs for the first time in 16 years. Veeery stressful!
I have experienced a wide range of disordered eating throughout. My amount of physical activity and working out, sometimes obsessive, allowed me to stay at a baseline maintenance weight during this time. I have binged wildly most of my life always trying to compensate with insane diets or near starvation. I have felt on the brink of madness during those black years. I would say the worst years were when I was between 23 and 35. All this time I quested, quested, quested as to why I behaved this way and read every book I could get my hands on to help me in overcoming the addiction cycle. I went to Overeaters Anonymous for 2 years. I journaled. I cried and vowed to start again. I tried again so many times I lost faith in myself. I didn't trust myself. I hated myself but mostly hated the food and the way that the idea that weight loss would solve my problems and create for me an idyllic world. I knew it wasn't true from the short periods of time I would hit a low weight mark through starvation. I was still conflicted and troubled inside. Shyeah. A mess.
I read quite a few books where it was suggested that you should remove all restrictions from foods and eat whatever you like~only when you're hungry and stop when you are full. The idea being that when no food is off limits and you feel you are allowed to eat whatever you like whenever you are hungry, the need to binge will disappear. I have had mostly success with this thought process and my need to binge has slowly disappeared. It was very gradual, though. Through it all, I kept up with my workouts. I never became unfit.
Now, I have reached a point where I am incororating the idea that I can eat whatever I like when I get with hungry with my insatiable knowledge of healthy foods. I know what is healthy and make choices daily to incorporate them into my diet but also enjoy all the foods I choose. I have been amazed at my rapid success with logging my foods into the nutrition tracker! What an eye openeron nutrition facts and calories tabulation! I have lost only five pounds and 2 people at my gym actually commented on how fit I look. I am so excited that my years spent working out might actually reveal themselves now. But, the most exciting and thrilling part is that food is finally falling into it's proper place~the background! It no longer consumes my every waking thought and I enjoy working out for the challenge! A long process to this point but the journey has made me who I am now. I am grateful for the chance to learn and grow ! =)

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