NAYA314   1,829
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My Story: A Battle with Food and Weight

It started sometime in elementary school--the fat on my body disgusted me. I was by no means overweight yet my undeveloped friends that I compared myself to, led me to believe I was HUGE. My self-esteem dropped below zero, yet I put on such a convincing act that everything was perfect. I excelled in school, had many friends, but inside I was hurting. Each year as time went on, the depression created a darker hole, which I yearned to fill. The only way I knew how was through getting ...
It started sometime in elementary school--the fat on my body disgusted me. I was by no means overweight yet my undeveloped friends that I compared myself to, led me to believe I was HUGE. My self-esteem dropped below zero, yet I put on such a convincing act that everything was perfect. I excelled in school, had many friends, but inside I was hurting. Each year as time went on, the depression created a darker hole, which I yearned to fill. The only way I knew how was through getting straight As and losing weight. By high school, I began starving myself, thinking that everything would be great and wonderful if I were blah blah blah size. The yo-yo dieting ceased to work so I began purging what I ate my senior year. The shame and guilt I carried tore me to pieces but my smile hid it all. By the time I left for college (an all-women's college), mentally I was not ready to go. The pressure there was so immense that my illness only worsened. I battled severe depression, anxiey, my eating disorder among other things. I don't know how I made it through 2 years. The summer I came home from my second year of school I dropped to one of my lowest weights and was hospitalized for my eating disorder for the first time. It was short term and I left prematurely because I wanted to go on vacation. My most recent hospitalization in 2008 was a residential stay and that has changed my life. Even though I wasn't underweight when I went, my bulimia was out of control as well as my depression. However, my weight became stable and so did my eating.

I don't believe we all have to be reed thin to accept ourselves and having some weight on us may just be our genetic make-up. However, if it is medical concern, then I think weight loss is important. Someone once told me that losing a little weight can also be important for our own sanity (if you don't have an eating disorder).

I believe this website can be helpful to maintain a healthy lifestyle. I've side-tracked from eating balanced meals and lost my motivation to exercise.

I think this website can also teach us many values. We don't need to be perfect in our goals. We are all human--we will make mistakes (if you want to call them mistakes). We can learn to be more compassionate with ourselves and learn to love ourselves through this process no matter where we are in the game.

“Twenty years from now you will be more disappointed by the things you didn't do than by the ones you did do. So throw off the bowlines. Sail away from the safe harbor. Catch the trade winds in your sails. Explore. Dream. Discover.”




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Member Since: 3/7/2006

SparkPoints: 1,829

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My Goals:
Adopt a healthier lifestyle, learn more about spirituality, let in more compassion, let go of desired outcomes

Personal Information:
I'm in college--an aspiring biology major. I graduate in Dec '09 YAY!!

Other Information:
Nature fascinates me. I love hiking, being by the water, and hugging trees (literally! esp birch). I play the harp and I'm so happy to have it back again and have it in my life. I like taking pictures. My background is ice rocks from a beach close by my house!





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Member Comments:
RFJSJ50
3/5/2013 4:47:38 PM

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HAPPY SPARK ANNIVERSARY!
Aspire & Inspire Team




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NOTMOM
5/12/2009 7:52:50 AM

Hey. i really like your story. i've had an eating disorder so i get and appreciate where you are coming from. im new, how do you friend you??



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MSTELZER
4/15/2009 8:06:58 PM

Thanks for adding me as a friend! Have a great evening!

Michelle



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S_HANSEN
4/13/2009 9:47:43 AM

I just saw you added me as a friend... thanks and I will do the same for you... emoticon Sondra



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S_HANSEN
4/13/2009 9:39:22 AM

Hi Naya, thanks for coming to my page and chatting. I am so glad you are deciding to write it all down. I really think that it will work for you. I am thinking of you and wishing you success today... emoticon emoticon Sondra



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