MYTURN694   12,653
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10,000-14,999 SparkPoints
 
 
me and my husband at a breast cancer walk





I don't take pictures of me because I've been ashamed for so long but it's time to get over that



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Trying to see the light

I have struggled with my weight for a long time but I feel like I am beginning to have some clarity about it.
When I was younger, being small took over everything I was ... to the point where my friends thought I was heading towards anorexia because I wouldn't eat for days at a time. When boys started noticing me, it was all the motivation I needed to continue.
When my daughter was born, things changed. I was married and I finally felt like I didn't have to keep up appearances ...
I have struggled with my weight for a long time but I feel like I am beginning to have some clarity about it.
When I was younger, being small took over everything I was ... to the point where my friends thought I was heading towards anorexia because I wouldn't eat for days at a time. When boys started noticing me, it was all the motivation I needed to continue.
When my daughter was born, things changed. I was married and I finally felt like I didn't have to keep up appearances because the man I loved was beside me. Slowly the weight started creeping on, and over the next 12 years I gained almost 100 lbs. I was wearing all of my unhappiness and uncertainty, without even realizing what I was doing, and more importantly, why.
It's taken me a long time to become happy again and I've realized that it has nothing to do with my size. I could be at a healthy weight but if I'm not happy within myself it wouldn't really matter, and that's what I'm trying to show my daughter.
I've made mistakes along the way and learned from every single one of them. I've learned to think before I speak and that words can't be taken back once spoken. I've learned that my family is everything to me. I've learned that I have just as much responsibility for the things that have gone wrong as the people I've wanted to blame for them, and that owning my part in them is a choice I have to make everyday. I've learned that it is never too late to say I'm sorry but only if you mean it. But most of all, I've learned that it is ok to walk away, let go and be happy.
So this is me, starting over and I finally feel like I am capable of getting healthy for the right reasons. I know that I will slip and lose my motivation but as long as I don't give up entirely, I'm still moving forward. Here's to positive changes and being healthy ... both mind and body!!
Read More About MYTURN694 (Updated March 31)




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 current weight: 183.8 
 
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Member Since: 7/16/2008

SparkPoints: 12,653

Fitness Minutes: 7,060

My Goals:
My self-image has changed so much over the past year. I am no longer ashamed of my size but I want to have a healthier lifestyle. I want to not be afraid to be active. I want to not be afraid to succeed. I want to not be afraid to live a life with my husband that will make both of us happy.

My Program:
I am focusing more on the nutrition part of my program then the exercise part. I know that exercise is extremely important but I'm struggling with some motivation issues right now. Soooooooooooo.... when I do exercise I use my Nintendo Wii and do step aerobics and Yoga. I've discovered that I love yoga!

Other Information:
"Your goals minus your doubts equal your reality."

 
 



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Member Comments:
PJHAWK7
5/1/2013 9:03:45 PM

HI, Do you live in Lake Havasu? If so I'm excited to have a local Spark friend. Pam



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LOBE2011
9/8/2011 10:17:00 PM

Hello, How are you doing today? Hope all is good on you end. Thanks for joining Lake Havasu City group. Write anything you need to talk. Christina emoticon



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MELISSA5824
8/28/2010 9:53:48 PM

hello and welcome! good luck on your weight loss journey! have a great day!



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MAIZZY
8/28/2010 9:47:38 PM

Hi! Sounds like you're really working and finding ways to get healthy. Remember that it's not the pounds that matter, but the inches. You're still getting healthy even if the pounds don't go off as quickly as you would like. It took a long time to get to where we are and it will take a long time to get where we want to be! Stay positive and you will achieve your goals.



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