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Why is it that I do good at work, all day with my meals, then get home and sabotage any success that I accomplished? Why is it that I don't give a damn when I'm eating something that I hadn't planned and the minute I swallow the last bite... I'm miserable? Why can't I consistently eat healthy on most days? Why do I say that I want to lose weight when it seems I'm only interested in the thought of it, not the physical? Why can't I get it together? Why? I have been 'overweight' since I can remember. I don't know the exact moment I became obsessed with my weight or food, but I'll definitely remember the exact moment when I become un-obsessed!

Member Since: 4/13/2008

Fitness Minutes: 9,572

My Goals:
292- commit to eating healthier and exercising 2 days wkly with no excuses

243- commit to eating healthier and exercising 4 days wkly with no excuses

193-commit to eating healthier and exercising 6 days wkly with no excuses

155-Goal weight: commit to staying within 5lbs of my goal weight by eating healthy and exercising 5-6 days wkly with no excuses

My Program:
Eat three meals and two snacks daily and stay within my set calorie limit.
Exercise 3 times weekly and strength train twice weekly

Personal Information:
I am a mother of three teenagers, a young adult, as well as a foster parent and a grandparent. I'm currently in school for my RN degree and I plan to move south within the next five years.

Other Information:
I think the reason why I have trouble with sustaining motivation is because I'm always looking for instant gratification. I give up too easily. I know that losing weight and living a healthy life style takes time and effort , something that I honestly haven't been giving, and I know that it won't be easy because I will be leaving my comfort zone. That's a scary thing. I will have to keep my eye on my long term goal and make some sacrifices. I have to not get angry with myself if I have something that I didn't plan for and not let it ruin my entire day. I also have to stop giving up so easily because I know in the long run all of the sweat and tears will be worth it.

Read More About MCNKAB - Profile Information moved here. (Updated August 15)

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    How are things going for you? I was thinking about you and I also like the mornings for my work outs. I like to get them out of the way and I feel so much more energetic for the rest of the day also!!!
    3015 days ago
    Hi there!!! I saw on the EE huddle that you need support. I'm here with a emoticon to let you know that I'm available to offer an ear to listen or just to let you know that I have your back and that you are in my thoughts and prayers this afternoon. emoticon

    Cathy emoticon
    3229 days ago
    Just wanted to say a big thank you for your comment on my blog today. I read your page and the one area I really could relate was not being big but feeling big and always unhappy with my shape. I remember being 5"10 and hitting 130. Now 5"10 and 130 is skinny but I was miserable. I was a model and being told I had to lose weight I felt awful about myself. I went out and bought diet pills. I also did the eat and purge thing until simply throwing a bowling ball ripped my hamstring because my musles were so depleted and my body in a starvation response. That was a major battle to overcome. Learning how to eat and not feel overwhelming guilt. Through it all I I kept gaining. It really was a mental roller coaster. When I kept losing modling jobs because of the extra 10 pounds I gave up and soon it was 20, 30 , 40 and so on. The last one was for a kfc commercial and I was weighing 127 and they need to lose 10 pounds in 2 weeks if you want the job. At every weight I hated myself. When I got to my all time high 206 pounds I started looking at some old pictures. Can you imagine my shock to see a pic of me at 180 and I looked so good then. It was an epiphany to me...all those years of hating how I looked and suddenly 180 looked good. I kept thinking why weren't you happy at 130, 140 and so on. Our perceptions are so scewed. Its still going on I'm 169 today the smallest I've been in 20 years, and in the midst of the being thrilled, I find myself looking at the flab on my abdomen and feeling..."FAT". I don't know what is wrong with us or how we can fix it, but I am aware that we are not seeing ourselves in the light of truth. I want to be happy with the way I look and I don't look bad at 169! So part of my fitness regimen is going to be learning how to come to terms with the imperfect and accepting myself as I am. I don't have an endless supply of years and I want to learn that . If I looked at a picture of me at 180 and thought ...Hey you looked good then why can't I see the reality of me at 169 and think you look good. Not a magazine model but good. I am 44 years old after all.

    As for running I love it. I love competing with myself and I love how many calories you burn. To help you get really going...I'll share the c25k plan with you. It stands for from the couch to 5k. Its an awesome progra that will get you running in a safe and reachable way a 5 k. You can find the progra m at There is also a C25k spark team that is just awesome and will encourage you and inspire you every step of the way.

    Running has brought so much joy into my life. I've done things I never in a million years dreamed I could do and because of that I realize all the other things I was afraid to dream of doing are suddenly possibilitys. You can do this and so can I ....its all about baby steps.

    I just wish the very best for you.
    big hugs, thanks again for the encouragement on the journey to health.
    3242 days ago

    Comment edited on: 4/5/2009 11:19:15 PM
    emoticon To Bootylicious/Curvaceous Bodies, Make sure you come to the forums and introduce yourself, We have a new challenge that just started so be sure to come check out the forums and join in on the ground floor. Be Active, Live Healthy and Most of All Love all of you. God made your body a work of art, appreciate it in all its glory. I'm your Team Leader so feel Free to hit me up anytime!

    emoticon , Sashoi
    3264 days ago
    Welcome. I wish you much luck in your weight loss journey! emoticon
    3268 days ago
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