Me at an outdoor art exhibit in Saarlouis, Germany years ago. I would like to look like this again.
An approximation of what I might look like when I lose the weight.
My body has been wrecked by overeating. My joints can't handle this. I can't handle this.
It's time. I have to change. I can't live like this anymore. It's enough already.
I'm not giving up on life. I'm giving up on fat.
I once thought fat could protect me. I once thought I could never weigh as much as I do. I never thought it could happen to me -- and yet it has.
My wounds, my internal wounds have wound up showing on the outside. I wear them everyday like a garment I cannot remove.
"Father help me, because I can't do this on my own. Strengthen me, because I am too weak. Sustain me, because it's too easy to give up. Heal me, because I am broken. Deliver me, because this weight is oppressive. Walk with me, because I need you with me. Guide me, because too often I have been misguided. Keep me from injury, so that nothing holds me back. Let nothing stand in my way as I reach toward my goal. Heal my heart and dry my tears. Give me grace for the journey. Lift me up, fill me with life, revive my soul, give me joy and grant me health. Keep me from cravings, and protect me from boredom. I thank you Lord, for even though I have often given up on myself, you have never given up on me. Because of you, I am not beyond repair. Thank you Lord. I love you. I'm yours forever. Let me have my health back, that I might serve you properly. In Jesus' name I pray, Amen."
My goal is to be able to walk again -- really walk, not just hobble across a room in pain or scared of being in pain.
My goal is to be able to physically stand for more than a few seconds at a time.
I want to be able to turn from side to side in my bed without it being a chore to do so.
My goal is to be able to enjoy life again, to even enjoy the simple things.
My goal is to finally be free of this oppressive weight.
Looking first to God for my hope, my healing and my help
Feasting on the Word of God, that my soul may not crave more physical food than it ought to eat
And when I eat, eating a nutritionally dense diet, that my body may not be void of the nutrients it needs
Planning meals in advance, that I may not fall into the trap of accidentally overeating
Exercising my body that I might regain some of the physical abilities that I have lost
Controlling sodium because it is way too easy to get too much of it
Drinking lots of water because I need it
Attending weekly TOPS (Taking Off Pounds Sensibly) meetings
Spending time on SparkPeople
| current weight: 414.0