L0LLYGAGGIN  
SparkPoints
 
 
Just Me





SuzyQ





Chelsea



I have 9 pics in my gallery





Awards






 
I Am What I Am...

I just wanna live. I have kids, fur-babies, and life to live.

I'm really struggling right now.... having trouble with the "grey areas".

Growing up I was a normal sized kid with a distorted view of myself. Think of how you look in one of those fun-house mirrors. Well that's what I saw of myself. My oldest daughter is my high school weight. I see her and I recognize now, that there was nothing wrong with me and I wasn't as disgusting as I thot I was.

...
I just wanna live. I have kids, fur-babies, and life to live.

I'm really struggling right now.... having trouble with the "grey areas".

Growing up I was a normal sized kid with a distorted view of myself. Think of how you look in one of those fun-house mirrors. Well that's what I saw of myself. My oldest daughter is my high school weight. I see her and I recognize now, that there was nothing wrong with me and I wasn't as disgusting as I thot I was.

My father didn't help with my self-image problem, if anything he contributed to it. He demanded I get up at 4 am and do extreme exercises everyday. For a 5'8" girl, he felt that if I weighed over 129 lbs, I weighed too much. There was no room for my voice and there was no escape. I remember being grabbed under the chin, shoved up against the wall, and being told "this is disgusting, when are you going to lose this weight?".

By the time I escaped their home, I was forced into a marriage with someone I didn't love. He was my parents choice, and again, I had no voice. I spent 10 years with this guy, and while I have 2 wonderful children from this marriage, I was miserable. I ate ate ate to fill the void and "because I could". There was no restrictions on what I could eat, as long as I could afford it, there was all kinds of food out there for me.

I remember eating days where I would get 2 foot long subs from subway for lunch, and then for dinner, order 2 med or lg pizzas from either PizzaHut or Dominoes. I would eat both subs or pizzas, in one sitting. I alternated pizza joints so ppl at the pizza place wouldn't know I was ordering pizzas every day. Chinese food was also a favorite addiction to alternate in this destructive pattern, 2 large entrees, of course.

My extreme dislike of throwing up has kept me from purging. I've done the binging, that's for sure. I'm not sure what you call a person who binges but doesn't purge. I hate exercising, it's like reliving those years of when it wasn't an option.

I really just want to live and be happy. I have shared all this so you can understand where I'm coming from. I am not able to "quit food" as our bodies need fuel to keep us going. So how do I find that "grey area" that I spoke of toward the top of this post? How do you conquer a food addiction?

Thanks for taking the time to read.

~Des

"I am what i am because of the experiences and influences that have shaped my life. Take me as I am or just leave me the heck alone."

~~~~~~~*~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~*~~~~~~~

~~~~~~~*~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~*~~~~~~~

FYI-
My "MySpace" Page
http://www.myspace.com/l0llygaggin

My "Facebook" Page
http://www.facebook.com/home.php?#/profi
le.php?id=617943334&ref=profile

Read More About L0LLYGAGGIN (Updated August 7)




SparkFriends



SparkTeams



My Ticker:

 Pounds lost: 18.0 
 
0
35
70
105
140


 
Interact with L0LLYGAGGIN

Send Member a Private Message








Recent Blogs:





 
Profile

Member Since: 1/7/2006

SparkPoints: 0

Fitness Minutes: 0

My Goals:
LiVe
LauGH
LoVe

My Program:
oNe STeP aT a TiMe

Personal Information:
i''M oRiGiNaLLy FRoM CeNTRaL iLLiNoiS, & i''M aN aRMy WiFe & MoTHeR oF 6, CuRReNTLy LiViNG iN ViRGiNia. FeeL FRee To eMaiL Me aNYTiMe aT: drodcay@ymail.com

Other Information:
I am who I am because of the experiences and influences that have shaped my life. Take me as I am or just leave me the heck alone!

Profile Image





 
 



Candles
From:
LADYVOLSFAN1954

Heart
From:
SUNSHYNE25

Jack-O-Lantern
From:

Rose
From:
JOHNHARNEY

Personal Trainer
From:
JENNIGRL1

Fruit Salad
From:
3TWINS




Member Comments:
JOHNHARNEY
8/26/2009 2:14:19 AM

HI JUST CHECKING IN ON MY FRIEND TO SEE HOW YOU ARE DOING. LOVE ALWAYS emoticon emoticon emoticon



Report Inappropriate Comment
JOHNHARNEY
8/11/2009 12:01:48 AM

Hi Just a note to say I wish you a great week and a healthy one. I also want you to say hi to Suzyq and Chelsea they are so cute. Let's work on getting our ticker down, and I have to weigh in on Tuesday tomorrow at 8 A/M. and hope I don't get my first gain this year. Mondays are so hard on me because I have to add a lot of exercises and hope I did enough. Love Always emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon



Report Inappropriate Comment
JOHNHARNEY
8/9/2009 12:50:23 PM

Hi Just stopping by to say hi, and read your story and it sounded 90 % like me. I'm glad to see you doing this for you because you are worth it. I few days ago ago I was thinking what is the most important thing I have ownership of, and found it was me. I didn't treat me like a NEW CAR-XMAS- ALL HOLIDAYS-DATING-or many more. I am now fixing up this old me and going to bring it back to shine for the whole world to see, and help others that want to shine. If I can help in anyway please let me know because I care for all my friends and understand where they have been. I love your dogs and I also have to. My little ones know almost 240 commands. When I get home my little female jumps on my lap and gives me a hug for about 2 minutes. If i get stressed she does the same thing, they understand how we feel. Love Always emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon



Report Inappropriate Comment
GLITTERFLOOZY
5/20/2009 8:32:44 AM

Hiya Des! I have been thinking about you and thought I'd stop by your page for a visit. I sure miss you and all the gals from PC.
I hope you are doing well.
emoticon
Pepper



Report Inappropriate Comment
MIEKA91
1/21/2009 12:38:43 PM

Whether or not we realize it each of us has a special gift inside us just waiting to surface!...We owe developing these gifts not only to ourselves, but those around us as well... The important thing here is not what your gift is as much as that you develop it so that you can share it with those around you and in the process further your own personal life!... Once we have identified our special talents it doesn't matter whether or not we find immediate success in them, what does matter is that we take a step each day towards our intended goal!


Be Blessed NOT stressed,

Chamieka



Report Inappropriate Comment
Member Comments Page (116 total):  < Previous12345Next >Last >>

See My SparkFavorites
View My Food and Exercise Log
Report Inappropriate Page