L0LLYGAGGIN  
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I Am What I Am...

I just wanna live. I have kids, fur-babies, and life to live.

I'm really struggling right now.... having trouble with the "grey areas".

Growing up I was a normal sized kid with a distorted view of myself. Think of how you look in one of those fun-house mirrors. Well that's what I saw of myself. My oldest daughter is my high school weight. I see her and I recognize now, that there was nothing wrong with me and I wasn't as disgusting as I thot I was.

...
I just wanna live. I have kids, fur-babies, and life to live.

I'm really struggling right now.... having trouble with the "grey areas".

Growing up I was a normal sized kid with a distorted view of myself. Think of how you look in one of those fun-house mirrors. Well that's what I saw of myself. My oldest daughter is my high school weight. I see her and I recognize now, that there was nothing wrong with me and I wasn't as disgusting as I thot I was.

My father didn't help with my self-image problem, if anything he contributed to it. He demanded I get up at 4 am and do extreme exercises everyday. For a 5'8" girl, he felt that if I weighed over 129 lbs, I weighed too much. There was no room for my voice and there was no escape. I remember being grabbed under the chin, shoved up against the wall, and being told "this is disgusting, when are you going to lose this weight?".

By the time I escaped their home, I was forced into a marriage with someone I didn't love. He was my parents choice, and again, I had no voice. I spent 10 years with this guy, and while I have 2 wonderful children from this marriage, I was miserable. I ate ate ate to fill the void and "because I could". There was no restrictions on what I could eat, as long as I could afford it, there was all kinds of food out there for me.

I remember eating days where I would get 2 foot long subs from subway for lunch, and then for dinner, order 2 med or lg pizzas from either PizzaHut or Dominoes. I would eat both subs or pizzas, in one sitting. I alternated pizza joints so ppl at the pizza place wouldn't know I was ordering pizzas every day. Chinese food was also a favorite addiction to alternate in this destructive pattern, 2 large entrees, of course.

My extreme dislike of throwing up has kept me from purging. I've done the binging, that's for sure. I'm not sure what you call a person who binges but doesn't purge. I hate exercising, it's like reliving those years of when it wasn't an option.

I really just want to live and be happy. I have shared all this so you can understand where I'm coming from. I am not able to "quit food" as our bodies need fuel to keep us going. So how do I find that "grey area" that I spoke of toward the top of this post? How do you conquer a food addiction?

Thanks for taking the time to read.

~Des

"I am what i am because of the experiences and influences that have shaped my life. Take me as I am or just leave me the heck alone."

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Read More About L0LLYGAGGIN (Updated August 7)




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Member Since: 1/7/2006

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LiVe
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oNe STeP aT a TiMe

Personal Information:
i''M oRiGiNaLLy FRoM CeNTRaL iLLiNoiS, & i''M aN aRMy WiFe & MoTHeR oF 6, CuRReNTLy LiViNG iN ViRGiNia. FeeL FRee To eMaiL Me aNYTiMe aT: drodcay@ymail.com

Other Information:
I am who I am because of the experiences and influences that have shaped my life. Take me as I am or just leave me the heck alone!

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Member Comments:
JOHNHARNEY
10/9/2009 3:59:10 AM

Hi Just a note to say hi and let you know that I was thinking about. I found this and thought it was cute. emoticon




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one pumpkin to another!!!!!!!

A woman was asked by a coworker,

'What is it like to be a Christian?'

The coworker replied, 'It is like being a pumpkin..'
God picks you from the patch, brings you in,
and washes all the dirt off of you.
Then He cuts off the top and scoops out all the yucky stuff.
He removes the seeds of doubt, hate, and greed.
Then He carves you a new smiling face and
puts His light inside of you to shine for all the world to see.'

This was passed on to me by another pumpkin.
Now it's your turn to pass it to other pumpkins.

I liked this enough to send it to all the pumpkins in my patch.







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JOHNHARNEY
9/28/2009 5:34:14 AM

HI Today is Monday and we have a new week to change our life's to be a happier person that's trapped inside us. Our choices we make this week will be the results we get next week. Life is to short to pass this by and let Obesity take over. Wasted time is gone forever and I'm not going to let it get by me. Let's go for the Gold. Love Always emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon



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JOHNHARNEY
9/22/2009 2:33:05 AM

HI I JUST WANTED TO WISH YOU A BLESSED WEEK AND WHAT YOUR CHOICES ARE TODAY WILL BE THE RESULTS YOU GET TOMORROW. WE CAN DO THIS ONE DAY AT A TIME AND ONE STEP AT A TIME. IF WE CAN JUST DO A LITTLE MORE THAN YESTERDAY, LOOK AT HOW MUCH THAT WOULD BE IN A YEARS TIME. LOVE ALWAYS emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon



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JOHNHARNEY
9/15/2009 10:18:29 PM

HI Thank You for stopping by and making my day Great. Thank You for the nice comment, and Thank You for being you and glad to hear you are ready to go. If I can help I'm only a click away. Love Always emoticon



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JOHNHARNEY
9/12/2009 7:20:57 PM

HI Just a note to say hi and let you know I'm thinking about you and wanted to wish you a Happy Blessed Weekend and a Healthy one. We can do this one step at a time and one day at a time. Love Always emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon



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