Oy...a year and a half since I've been here. And my body has paid the price. In Mar. 2009, I packed my kids up and moved halfway across the country (hubby joined us in June) to go back to work FT for the first time since I had kids. The stress of temporarily being a single parent, and the stress of my VERY demanding job left me little time or motivation to eat well or exercise. And my weight ballooned. I put on a good 40 lbs. And then in Feb. of this year, I ...
Oy...a year and a half since I've been here. And my body has paid the price. In Mar. 2009, I packed my kids up and moved halfway across the country (hubby joined us in June) to go back to work FT for the first time since I had kids. The stress of temporarily being a single parent, and the stress of my VERY demanding job left me little time or motivation to eat well or exercise. And my weight ballooned. I put on a good 40 lbs. And then in Feb. of this year, I got laid off. On the one hand, I was grateful. That job was more stress than I could handle. But on the other, I've never been laid off in my life, and it was a real blow to my self esteem. I've definitely been doing a lot of emotional eating since then, and although I haven't stepped on the scale in a couple of months, I wouldn't be surprised to have finally passed 300 lbs - a mark I NEVER thought I'd hit. It makes me so sad and sick and angry to think that I've let go of myself.
Unfortunately, I can't say that I have a real fire to get going again. Right now, I just feel so overwhelmed by the amount of weight that I need to lose that I can't even bring myself to start. I'm hoping that by coming back here to SP, somehow I will find that motivation again.
My overall introdcution below still stands, although I wrote it 9 months ago. I, of course, fell off the wagon very quickly and did nothing for several months. On June 23, what was supposed to be a temporary attempt to eliminate sugar suddenly became a permanent one. I can't tell you what changed exactly, but suddenly with painful clarity, I knew this could not be a temporary change. Although I'm not 100% sugar free, I have eliminated all the nasty forms of sugar from my life, and miracle of miracles, I haven't had a binge since. (Except for a small one, one night when I mistakenly ate some sugared nuts that had a LOT of sugar and were a surprising trigger.)
I blog about being sugar free at sugarfreeforever.wordpress.com. You can read my original two entries, which explain my decision and the details of my plan here:
I'm Michelle, 32 years old, and I've been overweight nearly my whole life. As a child/teen, I was just a little plump. But when I turned 18, my metabolism just seemed to STOP. Throughout college and early marriage, I yo-yo'ed between about 200-240, but by the time I got preg with my first, I was at 260. I actually lost weight with her, and then when she was 9 months old, I joined Weight Watchers. I was 245 when I joined, and I got down to just under 220, but then the holidays rolled around and I got off track and never got back on. Slowly, I packed it all back on until I hit my all time high in 2005 - 277. My DH and I started South Beach and it was GREAT. Challenging, certainly...but my body responded better to a moderately low carb and low fat diet than any previously. I am insulin resistant, so this just worked really well for me. However, I had a horrible, high stress, high travel job that started about 6 weeks into the diet, and again, I started packing on the pounds. By the time I got pregnant with my DS in Jan of 2006, I was back at 260. I gained about 10 lbs with him. He's now 15 months, and unfortunately I did not take advantage this time of the marvelous weight loss benefits of breastfeeding. Rather than eat reasonably and lose, I stuffed my face and maintained. Until, of course, he got a bit older and the increased metabolism began to wear off. I continued stuffing my face, but began to gain. As of my joining SP (12/31/07), I am 284 lbs.
And it MUST end. I know what I need to do. I need to eat better. I need to get active. I just don't know how to do it. The part I haven't mentioned yet is that I am a compulsive overeater. I'm like a bulimic, only I don't purge. The last 5 years or so of my life have been a battle with depression, and I have drowned my sorrows in food. However, I've finally found some relief with Zoloft and a good vitamin/supplement regimen. From past experience, I know that losing weight will help my depression even more; so much of my depression is rooted in a self loathing based primarily on my weight. When I lose weight, I begin to hate myself less, and that helps me to become further motivated.
I don't know how/why I always lose this motivation, though. The key is finding out how to keep that motivation up. Because when I do, I'm not as tempted by food. I don't feel the need to drown myself in food. So I think more than anything, this time around I'm seeking something to help me keep the motivation. I've got the know how; I just need to have the stick-to-it part.
In addition to wanting to make myself healthier, though, my other big motivation is to be a better mother. At my weight, I have a hard time playing with my kids, and that breaks my heart. I can't easily sit on the floor. I can't run around. I don't enjoy going outside. I want to change all of that!
And now I'm done rambling. I'm a rambler extraordinaire!!!
Goal 3: BMI no longer in the obese range (180 lbs.)
I've eliminated sugar and fake sugar entirely, other than fruit and a few natural sugars, consumed only in foods I won't binge on (such as oatmeal.) I also haven't eliminated all incidental sugars, but I have greatly reduced my consumption of processed foods, so that helps.
I've been doing this since June 23, 2008. As of this writing (Sept. 13, 2008), I've lost 20 lbs. simply by eliminating sugar, but I know I need to make more changes to continue losing weight. I'm not 100% sure what path I will take to do that, but I know I'll be focusing on eating more whole foods, more whole grains, more fruits and veggies, and drinking more water. I'm also going to finally be adding exercsie to my life. We recently bought a great used treadmill for a steal, and I plan on eventually doing the Couch to 5K program after I start with a few weeks of just walking to get me moving again.
My name is Michelle, my birthday is January 7th, 1976, and I've been married to Nate since 10/10/98. I have two wonderful kids, Maggie (11/01/02) and Gus (10/11/06). We currently live in the Detroit area.
Hi, it's nice to meet you! I can also identify with you, I'm a compulsive and emotional eater as well. I've lost 80 lbs with WW in the past but due to lack of motivation during a 1 year plateau I gave up. This is my second honest attempt at doing this, and I REALLY want it to be my last. I know if I can't make this work my next step is either gastric bypass, diabetes, heart disease, or death. Unlike you, I AM pretty motivated this time around. It came on rather suddenly after a visit to my sister in Sacramento. She and her boyfriend live a very healthy lifestyle and are both healthy weights. In Sacramento people walk around SO much more and even though there are a million places to eat out, the choices overall are better. I live in Southern California where you get in you car to drive to the store around the corner. Nobody walks here unless it's for fitness purposes. The food choices when eating out are much more limited, the environment is just not as conducive to weight loss. I walked a ton during my visit and I ended up eating better too. When I came home I realized I wanted to keep it up. Anyway, I'm babbling and I'm not even sure if this is the proper way to use the comment section on your page! Is there a way to have an actual conversation on here? Jordi
Consider your walking half a block your first step - pretty soon you'll be walking a block, then 2, then 3, then running your 5K. I'm like you, I'm having a hard time getting started exercising, so am walking around my driveway for 10 minutes - yee-ouch!!!! Anyway, welcome to the team!