I just wanted to say that I wish you well in your journey and struggles. Being MUCH older than you I can say you are a very insightful person and I hope you will find peace and happiness in your life. During my most darkest times is when I grew the most as a person, not when things were going well for me. Good luck!
I know exactly what you mean about not getting credit from others (or feeling like you could give yourself any) for the small steps, things most people take for granted.
I struggled with just getting up out of bed, or staying sober.
One thing that hit me: my ex-boyfriend and all his friends were graduating college, enjoying life, "going places," and I looked at them to compare myself. I was hospitalized, on medication, my health was failing and I seemed so far off the path I had planned on going down.
I looked at people who I thought were successful, and I felt more and more like a failure.
Then I realized most of these people never had to struggle, never had to face adversity and really fight to get where they were. Things sort of fell into place. A natural progression.
There's no sense of pride from that. I realized I actually had more respect for the people who pulled themselves up from rock bottom, who got sober or left an abusive husband, etc. Its not about where you're at now, its about the progress. And people never change overnight. Its a lot of baby steps combined to make something great!
Thats how I see the world! :)
Also, I read A NEW EARTH and it helped with my perception and self esteem more than any other book I've read (and I've read a lot on self-help, he).
I dont even know you, but I have a feeling you have a very kind heart and lots of drive. Keep fighting! Keep working towards good habits! Keep me posted.
How about a goal of just being. Just be exactly how you are today.
Also, I used to set too many goals, get overwhelmed and feel too pressured to change and be "better" that I ended up struggling/failing.
Once I just started working on loving myself and finding mental peace, everything else fell into place. Now I'm able to work (for the 1st time in 2 years), I'm eating mostly raw, and feeling content.
I know you didnt ask for my advice, but i just read your blog from today or yesterday and related.
Don't forget to give yourself credit. Many people are self destructing at this very moment, going in the completely wrong direction. So if you cant say you did anything GOOD, see if you can find ways you didnt cause harm at least :)