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I've been an Unhappy Person most of my life.(Not that I ï¿½WASï¿½ always Unhappy, just as Time Blew by, I went from being ï¿½Happyï¿½ to ï¿½Unhappyï¿½) I've been through Allot in my life. I was born with a Disability. (I was always taught it was a Limitation. That ï¿½Being Disabledï¿½ was ï¿½Being Dependedï¿½ on People to do it fer me.ï¿½ Saying it was a ï¿½Limitation meant, I was ï¿½Limitedï¿½ on doing certain things that ï¿½Normalï¿½ people could do everyday. I was also taught, That I could ï¿½Doï¿½ anything I wanted, as long as I put my mind to it. As I grew up & Countless Surgeries & Physical Therapist later, I finally had to ï¿½Learnï¿½ to work around my limitations by myself. And, fer almost 41 Years (DOB 12/01/1969) I've learned to Survive in ï¿½The Normal Worldï¿½. Allot of Modern Conveniences (IE...the Food Processor, Can Opener, Anything that has Wheels on it, Cook/Bake Ware, Computers,Etc...) has let me become Independent & lead a ï¿½Some Whatï¿½ Normal Life. I was also Born to Parents that couldn't ï¿½Handleï¿½ a Child with a Deformity. So, My Grand Parent took up the slack & raised me as Their Own. Being with My Grand Parents were ï¿½The Happiest Momentsï¿½ of my life. If it wasn't fer them, I'd be stuck in a Wheelchair or in some Nursing Home to take care of me. They Saved My Life & fer that I Thank God everyday.
As Time went by in my childhood My Grandpa died & I had a Growing urge to want to know My Real Parents. My Grandmother would always avoid the Questions, The Curiosities, Etc. (And, many Years Later, I'd find out why.)(Mistake # 1) At, around 11 years old, My Grandmother sat me down & presented me with a Letter. It was from My Mother. She wanted me back in her Life. Being the 11 Year old I was, I jumped @ the opportunity. And, that's when ï¿½Things in My Lifeï¿½ started going downhill. (Not that I BLAME My Mother in anyway.) It was but, isn't her Fault. She had Addictions & Anger Problems that she needed to Deal With but, Instead took them out on My Step Dad & me. Even my Step Dad had problems but, he was the Nicer of the 2. Fer the next 3 Years I struggled to Survive. I was told to give My Grandmother Happy Reports & that everything was Great. By the Time I was 14 it got ï¿½So Badï¿½, that I got up the Courage to tell my grandmother what was ï¿½Reallyï¿½ going on. She was ï¿½PISSEDï¿½. ( I found out later that My grandmother had been sending money to continue My Physical Therapy & go through more Surgeries to help Correct My Limitation.(Which my Parents never used on)Well, My Grandmother went to a Lawyer & fought fer Custody of me. By 15, I was back Home with My Grandmother. My Grandmother did the BEST she could to get me the Help with Emotional Problems but, the Damage was already done. The Emotional, Physical & Mental problems were too much, to fix. She had me sent to a Teenage Abuse Center to get me the Help but, I just ran away & kept running away from them. They didn't understand, They didn't see things from ï¿½Where I was standing.
By the Time I was 17, I was so Depressed & very Suicidal. I couldn't ï¿½DEAL with My Problems & wanted to Die. In that same Year My Step Father had written a Letter to My Grandmother asking to see me. She showed me the Letter & again I was Happy that ï¿½Someone Loved Meï¿½. I moved back in with my Step dad & His New Wife.(Mistake # 2) It was very Short Lived, His Wife saw me as a Threat & Kicked me out. 18 & on My Own. So, I stayed with a Man (Who I thoughtï¿½Loved meï¿½ & Grew up the Hard Way. Within a Month, I was trying get do away with My Problem of My Past, Being Rejected by Parents that I thought @ the Time Loved me & A Man who Really didn't know My life or didn't know how to Deal with the Problems I had Dealt with. All he saw was Emotional Disturb Young Girl that Needed Help. Well, they got a Court Order & had me Committed to the Mental Hospital in Oregon. (Little did they know or even the World knew, What That Mental Hospital was ï¿½Doing behind Closed Doorsï¿½.) Fer the Next 8 Months, They had me on Every Drug known to Man. (People laugh @ the ï¿½Thorazine Shuffleï¿½ on TV & Well, I'm Living Proof of what the Drug does if amplified 3 if not 6 Times the Legal Limit.) It's not a Pretty Sight. I Thank God everyday that The State of Oregon, got it Shut Down. I'd be DEAD if people didn't open Their Eyes to the Truth. They let me out @ the age of 20 & sent me to an Adult Rehabilitation Foster Care Home in Gresham. I didn't stay there fer very long.( I hit the Streets of Portland when I found out that the Foster Care Mother's Boyfriend was ï¿½Making his Movesï¿½ on me.) I ended up @ Burnside Projects, that I Thank God again, fer Saving My Life. I wasn't Used to Homelessness & GREW Up Fast. Living on the Streets Helped me find Myself, It also Made me a Stronger Person, Inside & Out. It helped me Appreciate Life & Gave me something to Life for.
Well, I got a Job @ Burger King & Started to Rebuild My Life. I meet a Man on the Streets ( Soon become My 3 Rd Mistake) & we got Ourselves off the Streets. We got Married in 1990, when we found out I was Pregnant. I had to Quit My Job & we Lost our Home. I was back on the Streets & had My 1 St son in 1991. Burnside Projects sent me to a Women & Children's Shelter, While My 1 St Hubby went back to his Old Life. The Shelter helped me get on Disability & Also helped get me into an Apartment. I moved My Hubby back in & thought we would be 1 Happy Family. Boy, was I wrong. Lonnie would say he was going somewhere & be gone fer Weeks @ a Time. He'd always call with an Excuse fer not Coming Home. When Our Son was 3 or 4 Months old, Depression of the Past & Current issues was Catching up again. I didn't want fer My Son to have to live this way or The way I had lived in the Past. I went & found My Hubby ( On the Streets of Skid Row ) & told him that he needed to get ï¿½His Actï¿½ (I used more Colorful Words) Together & Provide fer His Son. I demanded that he take his Son & be Responsible. He told me he couldn't & so, I (Mistake 4 & the Mistake of My Whole entire Life was Changed) put My son in a Baby Seat put him outside & told Lonnie to come & get his Son, That I wasn't going to be the only Parent in My Son's Life. He told me that I'm the one who got pregnant & to Deal with it. Well, I lost it. I was so miserable & So Depressed that I went back to My Suicidal Ways. Well, because My Son was outside & Neither Lonnie or I was around, The Police were called in & I was Charged with Child Neglect & Our Son was put into Foster Care. The State went through Lonnie's & My Past & decided we were Unfit Parents. They made Provisions we needed to ï¿½Doï¿½ to get Our Son back but, in the End they Convinced the Court, it'd take too long to Fix all the Problems Lonnie & I had to Deal with. During the Process I was Pregnant again, which the State Added Anthony to His Older Brother's Case & was taken out of Our Custody. We lost both Boys to The State around 1994.
Fer the Next 10 Years I put up with My Hubby's Addictions & Tired like Hell to Re Start My Life & Make a Life fer My Husband & me. In 2003 a Room Mate of Ours left because he could handle My Husband's Addictions or his Mental Problems (Which by now My Husband went from Drinking, To Drugs, To Gambling, Stealing on Top of Mental Problem he had Because of losing Our Children) & Presented me with the opportunity to come with him. I admitted to him fer Years, I was Unhappy in the Relationship but, couldn't leave My Husband. He went to a Friend & Both together convinced me that, I was ï¿½Doing the Right Thingï¿½. (Mistake #5) 6-8 Months later My Husband died of Blood Poisoning due to Bad Teeth & Shooting up enough Drugs to do himself in.(The Hospital didn't know My Husband & from the Report from My In Laws that 2 Days Prior to His Death, He'd ï¿½Sweet Talkedï¿½ the Ambulance into Dropping him off @ His Apartment & leaving him there. Now I know My Husband & Know exactly what Happened but, Can't Prove it Thanks to My Husband's Parents fer Cremating him. And because of the Laws in Oregon that I didn't have the Right to be Notified of His Passing. (The Landlord phoned me asking why the Rent wasn't paid. I told her that, I was No Longer My Husband's Payee & to call My Husband's Parents. She immediately got a hold of them & was told he died. She then got back in touch with me & Told me.) His Parents Blame me fer Losing Their Grandchildren & Blame me fer leaving Their Son, the way I did. In Fact, I feel that they Blame me fer the Way Their Son lived His Life. My Mother In Law said it but, didn't say it. That her son would have had a Better Life without ï¿½MEï¿½ in it. That 80-90 % of Lonnie's Problems were because of me. And maybe she's right.
I already ï¿½HAD PROBLEMSï¿½ to begin with & Fer sure Added on to the Problems Lonnie already had. So, in a way, I Feel Responsible fer the Death of My Husband. In Fact, the Day of His Surgery to Extract his Teeth, I should have went to the Hospital. I was a FOOL. Instead, I figured he'd be okay in the Hands of ï¿½Professionalsï¿½. I was WRONG (Which becomes Mistake # 6)
In August of the Same Year that My Husband Died, My Dearest Grandmother Passes away. Leaving me Really all alone in the World. At the same Time I was told I was Pregnant again with a Friend of mine that was there from the Very beginning of, The After Effect of the Mental Hospital. He was also one of Lonnie's Closest Friends. He knew what My Husband was like & was even Part of My Husband's Addictions before I came along. Chris was the only person I could turn to, to help me keep from Losing My Mind. Well, one thing lead into another & I got Pregnant from him.
Because I already had a Past with the State of Oregon, They took Karianna from me in 2005 @ the Hospital I had her. They tacked on the Old Issues & Went about getting My Parental Rights taken away. The Courts drew up a Plan of Action to Help me get her Back & Never helped me get the Help I Needed to get her back. They just did the Manual Requirements & left me having to Face (Mistake #7).
So, here I am, (An Open Book) tiring to Make Sense out of My Life & Tiring like Hell to Patch up My Mistakes. (Which, I Realize, I can't Fix & The State of Oregon said I Needed to fix, Which nothing can be done,anymore.) I've made My Bed & have admitted My Wrongs & Still wasn't Good Enough fer anyone. If I could bring the Past Back & fix it, I'd ï¿½DOï¿½ it in a Heartbeat, without Blinking. But My children, shouldn't have had to ï¿½Pay fer My Mistakesï¿½. Which the State has ï¿½Made Themï¿½ pay for by Not letting them have Contact with me, fer the ï¿½TRUTHï¿½.
I hide My Life from no one. I did want I did & Have been Paying fer it, fer the Past 28 Years. I want ï¿½A Lifeï¿½ that I should have had @ the age of 20.. I just want the ï¿½Painï¿½ to Stop. I want to see My Children & Be Forgiven. I Love & Want My Kids. If any Wish that could come True out of My Miserable Life, would be to see all 3 Children again before I die. There's not a Day that doesn't go by, That I don't ï¿½THINK, DREAM or SEE My Children, in Someone else's Kids. Every waking Moment,I'm always wondering, Where they are, What they're doing, How they're getting along in School, Wondering if They've got Girlfriends or Little Playmates, Growing Up Issues, Etc...
I see Parents all the Time, Yelling, Hitting or Fighting with Their Kids in the Mall or on the Street & In Public & it just Makes me Sick that Parents have to ï¿½Be that wayï¿½ & the State doesn't take Their Children away. Some Parents just don't know ï¿½How Damn Lucky, they REALLY are to Be Blessed, With Kids & can keep them. I'd give anything to be in Their Shoes.
Well anyways, I'm here to Re Start My Life (As if I was 20), All over again. Starting with My Home Based Business & My Weight Issues.
Thanks fer Reading,
My Permanent Goals are to....
A. Lose 80-100 Lbs By the Weight Chart, I should be 125. But, I feel having a little Weight is Healthy. So 150 should do it for me.
B. To Exercise more
C.To Generate more Business for My Company
D. Get a House with a White Picket Fence. :-)
E. To own a Dog.
F. To help People Re Gain Their lives by getting away from Their Hoarderrfully Cluttered Dungeons.
G. To learn "Time Management". Especially when it comes to putting "IN" the Time for my Workouts.
H. To see all 3 of My kids 1 Day.
My Program is......
A. Exercise more
B. Generate more Business
c. Get into better Eating Patterns
D. Find a better Home
Name: Karrie Coffman
Home of Birth: Seattle, Washington
Home was Raised: Jacksonville, Fla
Home @ Now Beaverton, Oregon
Relationship: Widowed 2004
2 nd Marriage as of 2007
Job: Self Employed
Not too much a Fan of Sports
LOVE the Biggest Loser, Dance Your Azz Off & Chatting/ Playing Online with Friends @ Face Book, Yahoo Games or Pogo.
Watch CSI, NCIS/ NCIS LA, Sleepy Hallow, Once Upon A Time, Watch A Lot of the Food Network Shows,
Play ALLOT of Face Book Games. Like RPG Role Playing Games on Any Game System.
When I'm not Playing Online or on a Game System, I work Deep Cleaning Homes & Helping Hoarders regain Their Lives.
Secrets of Success
This user doesn't have any secrets of success.
| current weight: 212.0