Our wedding, 10 months ago, was a happy time, but it's hard for me to look at the pictures because I feel so awful about how awful I look.

My only child, Gwen :)


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I give up on things way too easily. I'm a perfectionist, and when I can't do something perfectly, I give up. And I hate that part of me. Some days I feel like I can absolutely change it, and others, it seems so impossible.

I've been on Spark before, but after the initial "spark" goes away, I go away, and don't come back. I'm back this time, and I'd like to stay long enough to reach my goals.

I really need to see results. I get so discouraged when I don't. I keep comparing it to about five years ago when I was 200 pounds and I lost about 35 using the South Beach diet, which while I felt really crappy on it, I was happy because I felt thinner.

I hate what I see in the mirror, and I get afraid that my husband feels that way too. He's always kind to me, but I can tell he's not as crazy about me as he was when we first got together...and I was seventy five pounds thinner. Ugh, I feel sick just typing that. I just don't see how he can stand me.

I want to fit into my "good" clothes again. I want to walk up stairs without feeling winded. I want to be pretty again. I want my husband to be proud of me. I want to feel good about myself again. I want to stop feeling sorry for myself, and beating myself up. I want to enjoy life without forgetting to take care of myself.

Member Since: 5/8/2012

Fitness Minutes: 30

My Goals:
Immediate goal: Lose some weight so I can look decent at my best friend's wedding.

Long term: Get in good shape so I can do more physical activites and not dread them so much. I want to look decent in my clothes.

My Program:
I will be tracking my food and using the activity tracker.

Personal Information:
I'm originally from Illinois. My husband and I just bought a house in Northern Michigan where I've been living for the past seven years.
I love music, books, and movies...all things that are pretty non-active, so that makes it hard.

Other Information:
Most of the things I enjoy are from the 60's. I love the music, movies, and fashion.

Read More About HEIDILEE31 - Profile Information moved here. (Updated May 8)

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  • v HOLLWALL36
    Just wanted to stop by and wish you a happy and healthy Thursday! Enjoy your Labor Day!
    2002 days ago
    getting around to all my friends to check on progress and cheer them on. hope this finds you healthy, happy, and making strides. emoticon emoticon
    2004 days ago
  • v TDL5685
    Welcome Back! I tend to the "it must be perfect" point of view too. I since that's impossible I admit defeat. I pray you find some wonderful support here to help keep you motivated. Don't stay away to long!
    2079 days ago
  • v HOLLWALL36
    Happy Thursday! I hope you are having an awesome week!
    2093 days ago
  • v NIXY72
    Welcome! If you need a shoulder, a friend or a virtual coffee at some point, drop by and say hello! I've just celebrated my SP seven month anniversary and am amazed at the absolutely incredible amount of support I've received. This is a fabulous site and you will be astounded at what you get out of it if you give it your all.

    To celebrate your arrival at SP this Spring season, I would like to wish you a brand new start, never-ending moments of poise and balance and a joyful tip over on the scale to the side of light. I wish you a new dawn, an eternal youth and a morning star to wish on. Whatever battles you are fighting, whatever stresses may come your way, may they melt away with the winter and may you be granted a time of new light and a new life where your wildest dreams come true. ~ Michelle

    2109 days ago
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