Our wedding, 10 months ago, was a happy time, but it's hard for me to look at the pictures because I feel so awful about how awful I look.
My only child, Gwen :)
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I give up on things way too easily. I'm a perfectionist, and when I can't do something perfectly, I give up. And I hate that part of me. Some days I feel like I can absolutely change it, and others, it seems so impossible.
I've been on Spark before, but after the initial "spark" goes away, I go away, and don't come back. I'm back this time, and I'd like to stay long enough to reach my goals.
I really need to see results. I get so discouraged when I don't. I keep comparing it to about five years ago when I was 200 pounds and I lost about 35 using the South Beach diet, which while I felt really crappy on it, I was happy because I felt thinner.
I hate what I see in the mirror, and I get afraid that my husband feels that way too. He's always kind to me, but I can tell he's not as crazy about me as he was when we first got together...and I was seventy five pounds thinner. Ugh, I feel sick just typing that. I just don't see how he can stand me.
I want to fit into my "good" clothes again. I want to walk up stairs without feeling winded. I want to be pretty again. I want my husband to be proud of me. I want to feel good about myself again. I want to stop feeling sorry for myself, and beating myself up. I want to enjoy life without forgetting to take care of myself.
Immediate goal: Lose some weight so I can look decent at my best friend's wedding.
Long term: Get in good shape so I can do more physical activites and not dread them so much. I want to look decent in my clothes.
I will be tracking my food and using the activity tracker.
I'm originally from Illinois. My husband and I just bought a house in Northern Michigan where I've been living for the past seven years.
I love music, books, and movies...all things that are pretty non-active, so that makes it hard.
Most of the things I enjoy are from the 60's. I love the music, movies, and fashion.
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