HEALTHIER-VICKI   41,562
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Making Choices

Over the last year I've changed this page many, many times but I always come back to the same old message.
I'm tired of being tired all the time. I'm tired of never having the energy to do things I want to do. And quite honestly, I'm tired of not feeling sexy any more.
I'm tired of the constant stress I'm under right now and I know worrying about it does no good, but I've always been a worry wart.
I'm trying to make the best choices I can daily to eat right and get more ...
Over the last year I've changed this page many, many times but I always come back to the same old message.
I'm tired of being tired all the time. I'm tired of never having the energy to do things I want to do. And quite honestly, I'm tired of not feeling sexy any more.
I'm tired of the constant stress I'm under right now and I know worrying about it does no good, but I've always been a worry wart.
I'm trying to make the best choices I can daily to eat right and get more movement into my day. And I try to have at least a hour of "me" time daily to just relax. It's not always possible but I'm trying.
I'm not actively "dieting". I'm just working to eat healthier and watch my portions and get more movement into my day. I may never reach a size I'm really happy with but I'm praying I can at least get back down to under 200 lbs.
******************************

For the last 10 years I've put on over 120 lbs. and it's taken me a year to lose the 17 lbs. from my heaviest.
So I know losing all the weight is going to take time and a lot of patience on my part. And patience tends to be in
short supply these days.
I've been looking at photo's on facebook of my relatives and I realize not one is thin. Every single one is at least
25 lbs. over the recommended weight for their height and build. Some are even bigger. But they don't think
about dieting every moment of the day. They get on with their life and are happy as they are.
And I think back to all the struggle I had losing my weight in the 80's and the eating disorder I ended up with
that took years for me to over come. Yes, I was thin but I had severe bulimia for over 25 years, that has
ruined my teeth and caused my metabolism to be shot. And every time I try to get back into the routine
of cutting back to lose this weight, I find myself falling back into old routines that are frankly dangerous for me.
I think there comes a time when you have to seriously consider if it's worth it to your peace of mind to
try to reach a number you may never see again.
Growing up I was a little heavy from age 8 on until I hit my 20's. Then I lost a bunch of weight in 13 months
and I fought tooth and nail to keep the weight off for years. It wasn't until menopause hit that I
regained all the weight I'd fought so many years to keep off plus added an additional 27 lbs. to my
heaviest in the 80's. Over the last year I've managed to lose 17 lbs. but it's not been easy and one nice
meal out can undo weeks of pushing myself to get the numbers down . And that can be really frustrating.
After looking at my relatives photo's today I think I'm ready to call it quits to pushing myself
to get down to a certain size. Maybe after so long and such a struggle, my body is trying to tell
me I need to stay this size but to just try to get a little more active so I can regain some of my energy.
I may be way out in left field on this but I don't believe everyone was meant to be thin. Yes, I'm at least
50 lbs. heavier than I'd ever want to be. But I can still do most anything I want or need to do. Some things
may take me a little longer to do but I get it done.
But I have to believe that all the yo-yo-ing I do with my weight can't be good for me. Nor is the constant
thinking about what I can or can't eat. No one should have to live that way. It takes the very joy out of living.
So I'm done.
I will concentrate on getting more movement in my day doing things that make me happy. But diet is
no longer going to be part of my thinking. There is too much in my life going on that causes me
stress and I don't need to add more to it. I want my home to be a peaceful place to live, not feel like a battlefield.
Some will feel this is a big cop-out. Everyone has their own opinions and I can't help what others think.
This is something I've been working towards for a very long time. I need to be at peace within myself and right now it's not happening. So I've got to do what will put me at peace.
I may never lose another pound and I have to be ok with that. I have to learn to accept myself as I am, no matter what size I am and truly embrace myself as being ok. Yes, I'm bigger than I like but if you get to know me I think you'd like me regardless of my size.
I do still want to get below 200 lbs., but if it doesn't happen, I hope I can at least be more active and have the energy I need to get thru whatever may be in the future.


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Member Since: 8/26/2014

SparkPoints: 41,562

Fitness Minutes: 19,844

My Goals:
** Get off of BP pills **

**Have more energy**

**Be less critical**


My Program:
**Eating Mindfully**
**30 minutes of exercise daily, minimum**



Personal Information:
**I'm an avid reader and always have a good book going.**
**I collect angels items and have over 1000.**




Other Information:
I live in Titusville, Fl. with my hubby, Bob.
******************


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Member Comments:
CATHYGETSFIT
7/30/2015 11:48:59 PM

Today's inspirational quote is a rather funny one. emoticon

I've learned so much from my mistakes...
I'm thinking of making a few more... emoticon emoticon



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1CRAZYDOG
7/30/2015 2:08:12 PM

♥~*-:¦:-*♥~.•*´¨ )♥~*-:¦:-*♥~.•*´¨ )♥~*-: -*♥
“Change your thoughts and you’ll change your world.” Gail Lynne Goodwin
♥~*-:¦:-*♥~.•*´¨ )♥~*-:¦:-*♥~.•*´¨ )♥~*-: -*♥




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SANDRA2BFIT
7/30/2015 1:17:15 PM

Every morning you wake up, is another chance to get it right.
~ Sparkpeople ~

Have a wonderful day emoticon



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LIFEISSWEET2
7/30/2015 11:53:06 AM

emoticon
I'm celebrating my 5 year anniversary with Spark People. I've lost 54 pounds thanks to motivating and supportive Spark friends like you! I have some more to lose but am grateful for where I am because of things you've shared during your journey! Thank you so very much for being there!
emoticon
Alice



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1CRAZYDOG
7/30/2015 6:50:50 AM

♥~*-:¦:-*♥~.•*´¨ )♥~*-:¦:-*♥~.•*´¨ )♥~*-: -*♥
“Change your thoughts and you’ll change your world.” Gail Lynne Goodwin
♥~*-:¦:-*♥~.•*´¨ )♥~*-:¦:-*♥~.•*´¨ )♥~*-: -*♥




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