I grew up very happy, healthy and fit. Through my childhood/teen years I excelled in physical fitness in school, particularly running events. I was also an avid horseback rider. Even though I was not the least bit over weight, I remember obsessing over my body size. At 16 years old I was 5' 7", with a curvy figure, wide shoulders and long legs. I wore a size 12 and thought I should have been an 8 (this was before the clothing industry changed the sizes to make us all feel better!). I'll estimate that I weighed about 140 lbs.
In 1986, I married (the first time), took on two full time step-children (one with special needs), moved twice, took a new job, and lost my dad the week before Christmas - and during all this stress I promptly gained 15-20 pounds. At 157 lb., I felt SO fat! Now 157 is my GOAL weight! Anyway, I went to Weight Watchers and lost about 15 lb., but shortly after found out I was pregnant and stopped going. I was thrilled to be pregnant!
My son was born in April 1988. I gained 40 pounds carrying him, but fortunately he weighed a good portion of that at 9 lb, 13oz! But that's when my battle with weight truly began. I was only 25, my husband who was 10 years older than me, worked long hours, and would "stop for a drink" after work - not coming home until the wee hours several nights a week - for years.
I was working a new job, finishing my BS in engineering, with a new baby and two children that were still getting to know me - and I them. I was completely overwhelmed and just too young to know how to handle it... so I ate. And by 1993 or so I had topped 200 lbs.
This was the state of affairs for the first 5 years of the marriage, but things simply got worse from there... and I endured 10 more years. But I was blessed with my son. And during those last ten years, as I matured, I also figured out how to do some things for myself. I raised three children, started learning an instrument and playing music, I also began going to the gym in 1996 and lost 50 lb.
I began running local 5K road races and always placed in my age group. I also became very involved at the local YMCA in weight lifting and competed in several local power lifting competitions - and WON the women's division in bench press! In 1999 I finished a half marathon in 1:46! I had gotten into the upper 140's and was 15% body fat. I felt amazing!
But in spite of the positive things I was doing, the marriage wasn't a marriage, and hadn't been for a decade. So in 2000, at 37 years old I finally had the strength to leave my marriage of 15 years. And I gained 15 lbs. I clung to a good friend (long distance) and eventually fell in love with him... my weight bounced around during this time from 160-180... depending on when I would see him.
In 2005 this long distance relationship ended. And I was devastated. He informed me that he never loved me (even though he had said it) and that he had been seeing not one, but many other women over the five years that I thought we were exclusive. I was completely crushed... and that's when the true downward spiral began... and the weight piled on.
Between 2005-2006 I completed a grueling masters degree in structural engineering, lost my mother unexpectedly and lost the man I was in love with.. and it was during this dark time in my life that I met someone that I thought was the answer (now I know that no "one" is the answer).
This man turned out to be jealous, controlling, and eventually he turned physical - and dangerous. He emptied my bank account and ruined my credit. I actually married him before I realized the gravity of the situation. Had I not been complete gutted emotionally from the other recent experiences I probably would not have trusted him. The marriage lasted only a few months, but it took 1.5 years to divorce him.
I eventually lost, or gave up, everything (house, cars, etc) just to get away - and hit 218 lb. in the summer of 2008. I became very afraid, suffered anxiety and depression issues for most of 2009, but managed to lose 20 lb. over the course of a year. Of course I also battled repeated episodes of pleurisy and a mammoth flu for weeks...
Now, I am on the other side of all that! My health has returned. I have a wonderful son, now 22 years old, I have a job (same one I took in 1986) that I love, and I am so very content being alone - calling all the shots - for the first time in my life! The only thing holding me back is this weight... which I fully intend to lose in 2010.
I'm 47 years old and I know that's not "old" but I also realize that I am wasting PRECIOUS TIME when I could "just do it".
Being a long time gym rat I know how to get there... the biggest hurdle is food. I've never HAD to watch what I eat so much. And now it seems no matter how hard I try I'm eating too much or the wrong things. I know once I start to see change I'll be unstoppable. I've just got to get going.
So that's why I'm here - to get better, to get well physically, and improve my mental and emotional well-being along the way.
Here's to the NEW Journey!
I've met my goal more than once. But lately it has felt nearly impossible... But I will do it! I am worth it, and I deserve it!
Long term goals - 07/31/2010 UPDATE:
- I am under 24% BF - NOT SURE HAVEN'T CHECKED
- I am wearing clothes in a size 8 or smaller (10s are big, 8s still tight)
- I can complete a long run of 10+ miles - CHECK!
- I am eating lean, healthy meals, and loving it - CHECK!
- I am living well - the BEST revenge! - DOUBLE CHECK!
- I am in amazing shape and look 5-10 younger than my 48 years - I HOPE SO!
- I am confident about my appearance on stage - CHECK!
1. I am eating 5-6 meals a day consisting of 30% protein, 20% fat, 50% healthy carbs - CHECK!
2. I am strength training, (3-way body split) 4-5 days a week - NEED TO WORK ON THIS BECAUSE I'M ADDICTED TO RUNNING!
3. I am running or on the elliptical trainer for 45+ minutes Monday-Friday - CHECK! (USUALLY MORE!)
4. I am sleeping at least 7 hours each night - CHECK!
5. I am reducing stress by saying "no" more often, using morning quiet time for meditation/reflection, and letting go of anger over things in the past that I cannot change - CHECK!
I am a semi-professional musician and a college instructor.
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