UPDATE JULY 2, 2010

After many setbacks, I am finally on the road to recovery. I have been cleared of the lung disease that had plagued me for so long and am on my way to great health!



Hi everyone! Welcome to my page! I'm Crystal, 53, a writer, a personal trainer, and a stay-at-home web developer.

For many years, I had a poor self-image as a result of being abused as a child, teen and young adult. I am now learning to love myself with ...

UPDATE JULY 2, 2010

After many setbacks, I am finally on the road to recovery. I have been cleared of the lung disease that had plagued me for so long and am on my way to great health!



Hi everyone! Welcome to my page! I'm Crystal, 53, a writer, a personal trainer, and a stay-at-home web developer.

For many years, I had a poor self-image as a result of being abused as a child, teen and young adult. I am now learning to love myself with the help of my husband, children and good friends. I now know that I don't need anyone's approval to go on with my life, and I am doing just that. It can be very difficult sometimes, and one moment at a time is all we can handle. I deal with my anger and resentment through my writing and I don't let it affect the other areas of my life.

Now, about my health: I was always the one person in my family who took good care of herself. I always watched what I ate, drank plenty of water, and exercised regularly. Then one day I was hospitalized with blood clots in my lungs and I was shocked. There was no particular reason they showed up. After some intensive treatment in the hospital, 10 days later I was sent home with an oxygen machine. I got better, and I got worse.

During one of the better periods, I started losing weight and working out, and was starting to feel great again. Then I had a back injury that sidelined me for about a year. Still determined, I decided to join a gym. I went to the pool every day for 3 weeks and thought I was going to give out because of my lungs, but I still went, and gave it my best effort. Then one morning while getting ready for work, I took a fall that shattered my foot. Multiple breaks and multiple dislocations. I spent six long months in bed. Ugh... I thought I would go nuts. My boys didn't know how to take care of me... how to feed me... so I ordered Nutrisystem just so I could have something other than carrots and celery and wouldn't gain any weight while laid up. It didn't work. I put on more weight.

Then last August I was diagnosed with mycobacterium avium complex, a cousin to tuberculosis. NOW I'm angry! How dare these things keep happening to me! I'm gonna do this! Come hell, high water or sleet and snow! Throw it at me! I'm gonna take the advice of my sensei and "be water". Go over it, under it, around it or through it, but keep going!

To date, I have gone down 10 pounds from where I started. I still have about 63 to go, but I feel confident that I can do it this time. I am loving myself for the first time, now that all the negativity is out of my life. And you know, it's amazing how everything comes into focus once you pinpoint the problem. It's my life to live, isn't it? So I'm going to make it the best life possible. If there is one thing I've learned it's that I don't need anyone's permission or approval to be me. So here I am, through all the drama and travesties committed toward me. "Be water." It's so true.

3/1/2009: I have posted my goals to the right. I am using my training as a personal trainer to develop my program. I am not giving myself "rewards" because I feel that my reward will be good health. I don't need anything else to spur me on. Nothing else matters.

Read More About GOLDEAGLE143 (Updated July 3)

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